[Dear Abby] Ask Pasta

Author

Nom de Plume

[Shio’s Disciple] [True Villain] [Equip: Gunblade], Female
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This is a pretty simple advice blog in the dear abby style. If you find it boring... just don't post.

How to Submit
  • Please use a letter format (Dear Pasta...). This will make it obvious you are writing to me and not just commenting/replying.
  • Comments in this blog should be:
    • Asking for Advice (Publically, but please feel free to give yourself a fun nickname like: From DealyLovedN0ob)
    • Official Replies from me or another Abby (list at bottom of post)
    • Additional advice from users (please wait until after an Abby comments)
  • Additionally you can ask for advice without revealing your username by pming me your letter. I will post it (with the nickname and without mentioning your username) and my reply together.
Topics that we can or cannot discuss because of forum Rules
  • Politics
  • Religion

EXAMPLES -- The Real Dear Abby

Schedule
I am usually available on Thursdays and Fridays, but my replies are sure to be slow, so please be patient!! Later I might accept applications from peeps and list their name here. Then you can address your letters to them as well ^_^


Current Abbies:
@Pasta
@The Nuffian Plebian
@Pretty Birdy
@Ty

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You, SialJoans, LoveYou59seconds and 11 others like this.

Comments

    1. Zone Q11 Jun 4, 2019
      Well then, time to do this again... Let's see, what is my current situation...?

      Dear @Pasta Lady,

      My life is doing fine as of late, but my university life is making things harder for me to relax.
      I am to be blamed for procrastinating too much, and I understand and agree with that statement. Yet I seek escape reality at the same time as well.
      Up until the second period (which is the first half of the first year), everything went well, but I failed my last period (third one). Now I am on my fourth period, and my course of study literally depends on it.

      I have been convincing myself that I would cut connections with NUF Games temporarily to focus more on my study, but the past week (in which I have a lot of free time) has shown me that not much had changed at all. I could've literally continued spending my free time on NUF, and I doubt anything in the greater point of view would've changed. (I.e. I still would've "wasted my time" / spent my time on not studying.)

      Perhaps my daily life got even slightly worse due to my family's awareness of my situation at that too. My current situation... it makes their situation harder to deal with, as we have planned an upcoming event which might be re-scheduled because of me.

      I... I wish to ask this question: Should I come back to NUF Games after all?

      Sincerely,
      The Nuffian Plebeian

      P.S. ...perhaps not all NUF Games though, because I am fairly certain I will not be able to play a certain roleplay anymore.
    2. Nom de Plume Jun 3, 2019
      A new Abby has joined our ranks. Welcome to the team @Ty!!
      Zone Q11, Bad Storm and Cream like this.
    3. Nom de Plume Jun 3, 2019
      Note: Private Letter
      Dear Yasei,

      It’s not wrong to feel reserved and afraid of rekindling such a friendship. A friend is a person you give at least some degree of trust. Can you trust them again after such a betrayal?

      My advice for this is going to be both simple in theory and hard in execution. You are always going to feel this doubt, unless... you talk with the other party. You are going to have to ask them for the answers to your questions if your goal is to develop a sincere and long term relationship. You may not like the answers. At worst, make a clean break with the person so that you can move on. At best, you both gain a greater understanding of each other.

      However, there is no need to confront this old friend if you cannot find it in yourself to trust them again. Let the past be the past and remain polite on the surface. You want to be happy, but your happiness does not and should not rely on someone else, especially not on someone who made you feel so miserable.

      I will say that the ‘satisfaction’ they felt at your misery sounds like one of two scenarios to me. Either they are a bully or there was a misunderstanding.

      Bullies often have reasons for mistreating other people. They are unhappy with themselves or their home situation, and picking on someone makes them feel better about their life. “So and so has it worse off than me.”

      The misunderstanding option could be anything, but for some reason they felt like you hurt them in some way. An example of this could be a third party claiming you shared some of your friend’s secrets or otherwise spoke behind their back. In this case, your ex-friend’s satisfaction would be that of revenge.

      There is no right answer for what you should do, but there is no wrong answer either. You went through months of misery. I instead ask you, what do you want to do? You cannot control the actions of others, but you can control your own. Take a deep breathe, set a goal, and keep moving forward one step at a time.

      I sincerely wish you happiness,
      Plume

      p.s. I’m on mobile so the structure of my letter is lacking in some areas. I wish I could rearrange some parts, but the copy and paste does not work. I hope my meaning still gets across, and I wish you luck Yasei!
      Zone Q11, AliceShiki, Cream and 2 others like this.
    4. AliceShiki May 17, 2019
      Dear Pasta, thank you for your words...

      Sometimes I wonder if I'm just too slow to get over things... Somehow it gives me some warmth to know I'm not the only one that can be stuck on a past relationship for 3+ months... Sorry to feel like that over a bad memory you had.

      It's kinda weird to think of mine and my ex's relationship now... I mean, we don't talk much, but we still talk every now and then, and I think it's good enough to call ourselves friends... I remember some people advising that it's better to just cut contacts with exes in order to move on, but... I really don't want to do that, even if it hurts in some ways, they're still people I care for and that I want to remain close with.

      I suppose it's important to remember the relationship wouldn't work out if one of involved parties were unhappy with it though... I just... Don't understand I guess? I was so happy with it, I mean, I think we only fought once? And it was a pretty minor thing overall, I can't quite get how things ended up leading to the break up... Perhaps it's better to just never understand it... I dunno... Haa...

      I do wanna cherish the memories, but it's hard to not get hung up on them... That relationship was just so good to me, felt like magic even... Though I guess it really does get in the way of both our friendship and my own life... Still kinda hard to talk even now... That pang in my heart comes back each time... But I really dunno how else to handle it...

      Well, rather than picking up a new hobby, I picked my old one back again... Overbusying myself... Can't really spend time wallowing about things if I'm too busy to think about them... Not really a healthy way of handling things though, and it doesn't solve the problem anyways...

      I just wonder if I'll ever have a good chance at romance... Both times I was in a relationship felt like a miracle... I guess self-confidence isn't my forte... But perhaps having some time to leave things be may be for the best... I just wonder how much... It doesn't really feel like I'm getting any better atm...

      *hugs tight* Thanks Plume-chan... I really appreciate it...

      With good hopes for the future,
      - Alice.
      Nom de Plume and SialJoans like this.
    5. Nom de Plume May 16, 2019
      Dearest Alice,

      I'm sorry to hear about your breakup. It's not easy to let go, but I'm hear to tell you that you won't remain lost in wonderland forever.

      I think one of my most painful memories after a breakup was when my Ex found a new girl within 3 months after we broke up. I wanted to be happy he found someone to make him happy, but it was difficult for me personally because he had not mentioned her to me at all. In fact, he hasn't spoken to me since despite us saying we would remain friends. I'm mentioning this for a reason. Everyone moves on at a different rate.

      Your heart hurts because you are still holding on. The first step is to accept that the relationship is over. You have the painful blessing of remaining friends with someone you have feelings for, but it doesn't have to remain this way. You want your own happiness, but your feelings mean you want her happiness as well. There is a reason the relationship did not work out for her that you may never understand. What you need to realize is that you wouldn't be happy with her remaining in a relationship that makes her unhappy as a friend, or as a lover.

      Cherish the memories you had together without dwelling on them. Trying to hold onto the past too much will sour whatever future you have left as friends and only serve to hurt you further.

      It may be a while until you can focus on romance again. Love and healing don't just happen, so you'll need to find something else to fill the void in your life in the meantime. Look at the time you used to spend dating and look at it as a chance to pick up a new hobby and spend time with friends. Perhaps, even make some new friends.

      There is absolutely someone out there for you Alice. I wish you good luck in your search for the Rabbit. :blob_coffee:

      Lots of Hugs back,
      Pasta
      naruharu, SialJoans and AliceShiki like this.
    6. AliceShiki May 16, 2019
      Dear Pasta, do you have enough experience with break ups, how do you handle it?

      My significant other broke up with me around 1/2 an year ago... I'm definitely better than I was at the moment of the break up, but... It still aches me when I think about it... And in all honesty, if they asked if I wanted to try dating again, my answer would be an instant yes... Even now I'm still not sure about what went wrong in our relationship to have it end... I mean, I do know why they broke up with me, but it still feels... I dunno, it still doesn't fit right with me I guess.

      I'm moving forward on my life and trying to reach my goals... I think I'm very slowly having success on that too, so... Life isn't horrible, but they still can't leave my head.

      I don't cry when I talk to them anymore, but a heartache always follows... I just... Wish we could be more than friends I guess.

      How do you deal with all that? I mean... Atm I can't even see myself dating anyone else, even though I'd love to be dating someone... Rather, it feels like the happiest times of my life were when I was in the middle of a relationship.

      At the moment it feels like my love life will remain forever stalled... Do you have any advice?

      With lots of hugs,
      - Alice.
      SialJoans likes this.
    7. Nom de Plume Oct 1, 2018
      Dear GUESSMYNAME,

      I only just realized I am the true villain... you can ask random questions on any blog so long as you don't violate any rules or go too off topic. Just be respectful to the owners if it seems like they've put a lot of thought into it. I know that on my own I prefer to receive serious questions, but I'll answer any.

      Sincerely,
      Nom
      P.S. Really random ones can go on my profile itself or even pms.
    8. AMissingLinguist Mar 31, 2018
      Dear @True Villain,

      I am a person who likes to surf the web and examine things that interest me. I noticed that this blog was written by someone I admire on @NUF. @She is a wonderful person who answers questions and is a nice person from what I've seen. My question pertains to a blog they made on @NUF. Am I allowed to ask random questions on their blog? ---GUESSMYNAME.
      Nom de Plume likes this.
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