Adventurers Guild Adventurer's Guild - Receptionist Desk

better if you three teleported to the tavern...

...wait. elza and alice... you haven't arrived here. go back to space!

 

Idiot... *still crying* A loving and... Caring idiot... Really... *crying a bit less* Don't do this again alright? Just... Don't...

 

#SE1 - E-Ranked – Slay 10 Forest Goblins [ 80 G ]

Spoiler: History

Spoiler: Day 1

after selecting the quest i return to my inn and buy all the equipment that i need it(potions and stuff like soap and a tent (even through that i don't have gold.....)).

Spoiler: Day 2

after going out of the in i went to the exit of delta town and summon with the magic [Summon Flame Horse] (i use "Summon Flame Horse" because i don't want to imagine what will gonna happen if i where to summon an "Summon Ice Horse"...) a horse and go to the verdant forest.

Spoiler: Day 3

(Traveling in the desert not too much to explain here...)

Spoiler: Day 4

I reach the Burning temple in there i saw some dragonewts but because i was in front of them they started to attack me and because of that the Flame Horse start to attack them and he kills all of the dragonewts and when we enter inside the temple there was a Giant Golem of Flame around a sword, the sword i was inside a stone shining golden.

when i was amazed for the sword the Flame Horse starting to attack the Giant Golem, the Giant Golem of Flame after feeling the attack of the Flame Horse use [Fire Breath] but because it was another monster of flame it didn't do anything to the Flame Horse so the Flame Horse attack again but because the big difference in size it didn't do anything to the Giant Golem, in that moment the Giant golem like if he has a mouth ate the whole Flame Horse.

after that scene i decide to sneak and take the sword, after i take the sword the stone in wich it was exploded and alert the Golem so, i just start running with all of my life force...

Spoiler: Day 5

I reach hill and there it was some sort of summoning temple and because i see an elf being used as sacrifice i use the skill [Shadow Killer] and
kill all of the Magicians, after saving her she told me that she was mia (i didn't want to think too much..(Death March)) is from Ithlon Elven Tribe and that she was kidnapped inside the forest so she ask me to return her to the Tribe, i told her that "yes but tomorrow" after that i because i only have one tent we have to sleep together (self-control, self-control, self-control, self-control, self-control, self-control, self-control, self-control, self-control, self-control, self-control, self-control, 1*2*3*4*5*6*7*8*9*....... )

Spoiler: Day 6

After we wake up we walk towards the tribe when we were gonna reach the entrance an arrow hit my knee (#SKYRIM) I after seeing the arrow in my knee, was starting to think about giving up of being an adventurer, but then the arrow it was absorbed by my knee and disappeared and because i didn't want to think too much about it i forget it when we start walking an elf show from behind a tree and told us "a step more and you die"
after seeing the elf mia told him all of what happen i tell them that i didn't want something and just was wandering so maybe in the future i gonna return so goodbye and my name is Zero.1 and let her go with the other elf after that i was starting walking towards the verdant forest and because it was too much in the night i decide to camp near the entrance.

Spoiler: Day 7

After entering the forest i have the lucky to encounter 10 goblins and because i was tired i decided to just let it to one of my magic so just to be assured i decided to use [Summon Heavenly Dragon] like always makes a lot of light when it appears and then just use [Fire Breath] one
time and disappeared the goblins and about 1 mile in the vicinity, men how much noise. Because i was tired i decided to sleep in the Forbidden Sping that shows in the map but i encounter something more annoying than all the goblins of the world, a dryad.

Spoiler: Day 8

When i wake up i saw a woman naked in the left of me making some naughty sounds (why from all of the types of dryads i have to get the one of the lust? ) so i decide to sneak out of my tent and just use [Magic Teleportation] to return to the entrance of Delta Town..

And here i am...

Extra:
+Sword of the Dao (Emperors Domination)
@shad12ow

 

Congratulations on your first quest! As soon as Shadow comes back he'll appraise it for you!

 

after taking one hour and a half i think it is relatively good

 

Yup, it seems good to me at the very least!

 

Somehow your story and guildcard don't match? Nya

 

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#SE1 - E-Ranked – Slay 10 Forest Goblins
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".......Hmm....usually I would say this line to you 'Great job for completing your first quest, new member'. but...for some reason I can't do that. Reason? I have a few.
First, your quest report need to have the name of the place. In this case, instead of just '#SE1 - E-Ranked – Slay 10 Forest Goblins ', you need to write 'Verdant Forest - #SE1 - E-Ranked – Slay 10 Forest Goblins [ 80 G ]'. The reason for that is so the appraisal can see where are you going and also to see your reward. As simple as that. But this is your first report, I can understand that.
Secondly, I know that the Burning Temple and the Summoning Ground are close to the Verdant Forest. Taking detour there is all fine and dandy, but please don't spend too much time outside of your quest location.
Third, the Ithlon tribe, we are in alliance with them. They should not attacked you since we have trade with them. But...they might not recognize you one way or another. Trust me, I know that. One of my wives is from there.
So....with that, I guess here is your reward, 80 gold. Be sure to update your member card. Take care now~!"

OOC: Okay, that is the appraisal from Shadow the Guildmaster, this time it is the appraisal from Shad12ow the Game Master of this community game. A few things I want to point out.
First, you are powering up too fast and with a meager amount of plot. We know that you want to use the Burning Temple as your story, there is nothing wrong with that. We are fine with that. But to do that in a quest that actually have nothing to do with that is strange. I know that this is your first time, so don't worry. Usually that kind of thing is reserved for the side story that you post in either the Adventurer Guild thread or in the Tavern. Moderate is the keyword here. Suddenly gaining powerful item in your first day is just strange. Think of it like reading a novel. The MC get great powerful item in the first chapter without any story, that is just strange and, well, jarring, in my opinion.
Secondly, avoid these lines that you've just used. 'i didn't want to think too much' and 'i didn't want to think too much about it i forget it'. Imagine reading a novel again and saw those lines. I don't know about you, but that is just...plain strange. As a writer, you have to convince the reader. The world is a fantasy world, but that doesn't mean reason and logic is nonexistent, right? They are just different, but still there. Mold your story with that in mind.
Third, uhm...I don't want to comment much on your writing style, but here goes. Please don't use name from a real series if you don't want to incorporate that in your story later on. And you even write the line 'i didn't want to think too much' after that. That is just, in my opinion, strange. You can name that elf from the Ithlon Tribe that you saved with any other name. Or even don't named her at all and named her after the next meeting.
Fourth, as one member has pointed out, your story and your member card doesn't match. I know that you have encountered a bug in your sig. But please use the same skill that is listed on your member card. I know that you have the [All Humanity(Curse)] and [All Magic(Curse)], but it is just confusing. I hope you won't use the same 'i didn't want to think too much' line as your excuse.
To sum it all, you have the potential to write a good story, but you need to polish up your story more. Trust me on that. I especially like how you have different meeting in just one quest. But at least try to elaborate more on what your character is doing. And if we look at it, the main quest is only in 1 day while the remaining 7 days don't even have any connection. That is such a waste of opportunity.
I sincerely hope that I didn't offend you or anything and this will not make you quit the game as you have so much potential. Your story is fun to read but you need to give more detail into it. Your conversation in the tavern is fun too when you want to make the Burning Temple as a story. That is what we encouraged here. I was even planning to make that place as a quest place and used your story as the foundation. But I can't do that now as there is so little information I can use.
Once again, don't be offended and we await your next story~!

 

*What if Alice & Elza*
"Guildmaster, informative." Alice states.
"My~, good advice to newcomer, guildmaster" Said Elza cheerfully.

 

Why thank you~!
OOC: Now that is a good kuudere response! And also good cheerful character response! Good job!

 

OOC still gonna write a story where those two chasing you with killing intent just for lul

 

OOC: Don't mind it. PM when that happen so I can collab. it will be hilarious~!

 

OOC It will be more hilarious when it finished right at April 1st

 

OOC:....What? Next year?

 

looking forward to it....

 

OOC estimation probably, with our current flow of arcs.....when you going to post that flying city....

 

tavern?

 

Sandy Desert - #SE1 - E rank - Slay 25 Desert Jackal [ 50 G ]

Spoiler: History

=====day 1
after taking the quest and using [Magic Teleportation] to teleport to the Burning Temple I walked towards Delta Town because I believe that I gonna encounter some Jackal in the route to Delta Town.
After walking for around 1 hour, I start to see the hills of sand, the sand shined so much that I unconscious cover my eyes with my hands and without too much movement something attack me from behind when I see what was it was a little dog, I lift it from his head and how it was;
it was a little dog around 30 cm long with white fur, it starts to bite my hand but because of the gauntlets, it didn't do anything to me.
After that I decide to take some food of my [Infinity Inventory] and giving to him but when I was going to do it hear a lot of loud barks and in that moment about 20 dogs appear from inside the sand around me.
after I put the little white dog in the ground the dogs starting to attack me in that moment a dog from behind of run towards me but because it make too much sound when he started running I could hear him i dodge the jackal and take out my Old Steel Sword from his scabbard after that I put myself in the basic posture of [All Defence] after that 3 Jackals attack me 1 from the front, one from the right and one from the left; the one on the left it was the closest to me so I moved to the left and at the same time use [True Slash] (bam) I cut in the middle of the eyes the head of the Jackal, the blood start to get out the body and stain my armor.
after seen that the Jackal from the right stop of running but the one from the front no, when he was going to attack me a passive skill activate [True Hunter] I could feel all living things around me and almost if I could see the Jackal I take my Sword of the Dao and before the light of the blade turned gold I cut mouth of the Jackals for the middle , but because I didn't put mana inside the sword only make the Jackal to take a hit and go up 20 feets.
when i was going to move into the stance of [All Defence] another 4 Jackals attack me, and because of that i didn't think too much and use for accident [Sword Dance] and kill all the Jackals, after shout loud (FFFF) i counted all the Jackals and it was around 30 Jackals, after that i use [Ultimate Apraisal] on the white little dog and check his status and it was:
Name: Little White Fox
Race: Elemental Tail
Status:
<none>
because i didn't want trouble i just let it be and start walking towards Delta Town after 3 Hours of walking i remember that i could use [Magic Teleportation] and just teleport to Aeternus and i am here.....

Extra:
-none
@LittleFox21

 

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Sandy Desert - #SE1 - E rank - Slay 25 Desert Jackal [ 50 G ]
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*scratch head*
....are you talking about my kin derika?
check my card and you'll see my race deri.
...anyway, you've done your quest, deri.
your reward is 50G deri.
also... if i find you slaying my kin...
I WILL KILL YOU AND YOUR SOUL SO YOU WON'T EVER REINCARNATE AGAIN.

 

okay calm down calm down i just imagine an elemental tail like yuzuha from The New Gate