Fine enough.
It's just that there's been some stressful and moody situations recently and I tend to lose sight of the worth of talking to people when I go through things like this. So, basically I closed up and it's kind of an effort for me to be here at all. Actually, I just came 'cause of a phrase I read in a novel that evoked the will to see you.
It made me feel kind of guilty because of some cases where I didn't console you. Not that I would change the past or anything like that, it's just that thing I apologized for in the beginning. I am unable to put down the way I view things and think at all down for you and I'm sorry for it.
It's kind of conflicting, really. I would probably just punch myself if I ever did put down my own individuality for another, that wouldn't confide with what I could call as my 'values', but then because I see love in a more idealized and sacrificial light than most, I start to think to myself if I should just play the martyr or something of the sort.
Really, it's just a mess when you think of yourself as a realist but can't properly connect to anything because you are too indulged in your view of everything, to the point of delusion.
Already did. I'll not be as present as I was once 'cause I managed to squeeze out of my system the habit of checking NUF every few minutes, but I'll be here once in a while. Will sleep now though, spent half of the night out and the other half reading.
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