Poem A bunch of words~

Discussion in 'Community Creations' started by Kisuru, Jan 11, 2017 at 12:11 AM.

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  1. Kisuru

    Kisuru Well-Known Member

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    My first thread. I am going to post my poems here. Some are from high school while others are new. If you want to hijack go right ahead. I will post my poems here regardless of how strange it gets. Grammer checkers are welcome.

    Hair the color of snow white
    Dancing she flows through the night
    In gypsies garb, she spins by
    A slight flush on her face shows her shy

    A hesitant step a spin there
    Her skirt twirls in the air
    Many colors reflect within
    The pale diamond-ness of her skin

    She leaps and spins once more
    Then bows her cascade of cloth touching floor
    Her beam of a smile in wide lips.
    She kneels over and collects her tips.
    I'm tired now so I will post more later.
     
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  2. akki

    akki [Ani's C☕ffee-mate #3] [Captured Akkihime]

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    That was nice~
     
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  3. Dori

    Dori CDLevit.

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    Okay, now I'll stalk you more...

    I like your poem, but, I feel that this image is a bit contradictory/unclear:

    You say that she's receiving tips, but, there's a shadow of doubt about the nature of the dance that she's doing - she's dancing in the night. So, I'm asking myself.. if she's dancing for tips, why dance in the night?

    Anyway, leaving aside my own question, I really like that poem. I'm waiting for more! (And, again, I really like your avatar).
     
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  4. Kisuru

    Kisuru Well-Known Member

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    Maybe she's on a stage~ Either way I received a 20/20 on this poem. (Thanks I do too~)
     
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  5. Dori

    Dori CDLevit.

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    Maybe. But, what type of scene? That's the question. On a scene... Tips? Oh, someting like a spectacle that's set up late in day, after a day of hard work or on holiday/special occasion?

    Anyway, I'm watching this topic and I'm waiting for more poems. Thank you for sharing them with us!