Poem a poem I'd like to share

Discussion in 'Community Creations' started by FrancisV, Sep 30, 2016.

  1. FrancisV

    FrancisV Well-Known Member

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    I was rather bored, dispirited, and dead inside. I would like to see how my abomination called poetry would fare with the people NUF
    It's already been a long time since I've stopped casually writing and I'm pondering whether I should pick up the pen once more. But don't hate on me too much :whistle:


    Winter Garden
    Summer springing upon the evening, as the midnight sun kept rising.
    Wind is blowing with such great force, muzzling her very voice.
    And quote she were saying, sad words that left a ringing,
    Ringing in my mind and hearing, “It cannot, I have no choice.”

    On top this towering stone, where leaves above are rustling.
    Rustling and swinging, with some gently falling,
    Dancing in the air, falling beneath two lovers, to connect the two
    Yet they cannot differ that the gentle smiles were indeed blue.​

    No force of nature, no vines that connect or entangle
    No flowers that entice, can ever unsever the love that was
    Yet fate deemed not to be. For it decided that from this angle.
    The love which was more than love, was never meant for this cause.

    Is it a gardener’s fault for ever trying? For trying to care for one living,
    Is not the bloom of roses nor the smile of green enough to rejoice?
    Nor is his love and tending enough to bring blossom and so hoping?
    Hope that before the winter’s dawn, the ringing would change,
    “I can, you’re my choice.”
    Please don't hit me.:p
     
    Last edited: Sep 30, 2016
  2. ramzawing

    ramzawing 【The heretic】

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    I dig, you dig, we dig, he digs, she digs, they dig. It's not a beautiful poem, but it's very deep.
     
  3. FrancisV

    FrancisV Well-Known Member

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    I remembered the twitch streamer Soviet Womble from that poem. I bet you and his bestfriend Cyanide is one in both heart and spirit.
     
  4. Aternus

    Aternus Well-Known Member

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    I like the word choice and how you built your stanzas but please fix your couple of spacing error where you forgot to hit the space bar.

    Poetry is one of those things that any errors and it becomes almost impossible to read and enjoy.
     
  5. FrancisV

    FrancisV Well-Known Member

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    sorry about that. I wrote it in notepad so I never noticed it.
     
  6. Lithit

    Lithit Desu~'s Little Griffin

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    Not that i mean to be rude, but as a psychology student i will tell you that saying stuff like "my abomination called poetry" will make people usually sound less mean, but hate it even more, But the poem is pretty okay otherwise (or is that what i think, MWAHAHAHAHAHA!!!!)
     
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  7. Frozen ink

    Frozen ink Legally had harem『Cathulu』Power of Love & Evil』

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    If I am the ass,
    you are the hole,
    together we make a little piece of shit
    *bows
     
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  8. KingOfMangonia

    KingOfMangonia [The Progenitor] [The Mango] [Logic]

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    me
    we
    -Muhammad Ali
     
  9. FrancisV

    FrancisV Well-Known Member

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    degrading my own work also allows others to degrade it. More criticism just makes me see the flaws better. (is that really what you think? Kekekeke)
     
  10. Echoes

    Echoes 【Wandering Monk】

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    i have a pen. i have an apple.
    uhh, apple pen.
    i have a pen. i have pineapple.
    uhh, pen pineapple.
     
  11. Cien

    Cien 『Omnivore Reader』Inactive

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    Would read this poem
    But its length is very long
    Here is a haiku
     
  12. Rivenn

    Rivenn 【I eat fruit】【commonhouseman】【RV_n/Rivelle】

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    apple pen, pineapple pen:
    uhh
    pen-pinapple-apple-pen

    *stahp*
     
  13. FrancisV

    FrancisV Well-Known Member

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    Haikus are great fun.
    But sometimes very random.
    Refrigerator.
     
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  14. Lithit

    Lithit Desu~'s Little Griffin

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    First off, i didn't notice your profile pic, but it is amazing, combines two of my favorite things, dank memes and gurren lagann. Second of do people in japan actually laugh kekekek or is it just a weird onomatopoeia like Chinese explosions going *Hong Long long long*

    Lastly, what I meant was if you ask people not to degrade a work of yours, while undermining it in the process, they speak nicer, but have their actual opinion lowered, so then and there they'll give a nicer review, but will remember it as more horrible than it actually was. It works on similar principle to hype and lack of fulfillment, someone tells you its horrible, but if it actually wasn't, causing you to remember it as more horrible because someone has told you it is horrible and you think "well clearly there is something horrible about it i didn't notice"
     
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  15. FrancisV

    FrancisV Well-Known Member

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    I never thought of it that way. I'm harsher on myself anyway. If I wasn't then my drill wouldn't pierce the heavens. Thanks on pointing that out for me.
     
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  16. Lithit

    Lithit Desu~'s Little Griffin

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    I get it's a gurren lagann reference, but seriously man that comment sounds so wrong.
     
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  17. Aster Anemone

    Aster Anemone Well-Known Member

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    Beautiful imagery, steady pacing and light beat. Well done(y)(y)