So, I wrote a previous thread the other day about my uncle and his mysterious friend, whom I later confirmed was his mistress after asking my mom. To be honest, although I knew that affairs were a thing, they felt really far, like something you see only on the TV or in soap dramas or something? At least to me! So I was super shocked when I find out that my uncle from my mom's side is actually "keeping a mistress". And everyone in the family knows, except for my aunt (though my cousin is, according to my mom, probably in a state of knowing though he hasn't met the person and it hasn't been mentioned? type of thing), and they even help hide it? It's weird! It's way too weird! My uncle even came to meet me at the airport with his mistress, had lunch together with me and my grandma with his mistress, the next day after he sent me to the emergency room, his mistress came, and once again ate lunch together, even went to hang out at their apartment, and he further even asked me if I wanted to sleep there or at my grandma's house? Can you even IMAGINE HOW FREAKING AWKWARD that was? Like, at this time, I had no idea who this stranger was and was soooooooooo freaking confused, and suspected, strongly, that she was his mistress, but wasn't sure, so I was just like O_O this entire time. Like who is this? Affair? It's an affair right? But how can he so casually show her off like this? She's even friendly with my grandma? Is it an affair??? And after my mom told me she was like "you can't tell your aunt or she'll get really angry and scold/beat/whatever your uncle" (it was in Chinese and I'm not really sure about the proper English term for the word that she used to say scold/beat/whatever) I was just even more like O_O!??!!? And so now, I feel so conflicted! I like my aunt, she's friendly and cheery and is a nice person (to me, idk how she is at home though). And my opinion of my uncle is meh at best (mostly since my interactions with him is mainly me telling him to stop smoking). But meeting the mistress woman, it's not like she treated me bad either (actually she was super friendly, but I mean, she's a mistress! how can I have good thoughts about that?? being around her just makes me feel so awkward!). But saying something, it's not like it'll result in anything good right? But not saying anything, that makes me feel so guilty and morally conflicted! And I mean, in the end, it's not like it's my mom and dad, it's my uncle and aunt, whom we're not even actually all that close with because there's a whole ocean between us (America vs. China, I'm currently visiting by myself, my mom is meeting up with me in two weeks). Am I being too concerned? If it was my parents, I would immediately disdain my father intensely and tell my mother (but I also like my mom more than my dad). If it was my aunt and uncle in New Jersey (though my uncle now works in China) whom we're super close with, I'd first talk with my cousin (the younger of their two sons, whom I'm close with) about it probably, but I would most likely tell my aunt in this case, though I would feel much more conflicted if my cousin told me not to say anything and I feel like my guilt would increase by at least ten fold in this case, especially concerning how close we are with them (in this case I am also closer to my aunt than my uncle... my uncle is scary yo). Anyways, I wanted a proper discussion about the opinions of you nuffians out there. Have any of you encountered such a situation concerning an affair happening close by? What's your opinion on affairs in general? Would you say something about it or keep silent since you feel it doesn't concern you/you shouldn't interfere with the matter (or another reason)? Side note, here's the thread that I mentioned before, where I was still deciphering who in the world that mistress woman was: http://forum.novelupdates.com/threads/my-uncles-lady-friend.42135/ Also, I'll be frank. I am okay with multiple partners as long as it has been mutually deemed as okay by the people involved, but I absolutely despise affairs and cheating with the knowledge of one of the people involved in the relationship. I also look down on affairs and mistresses and think that it's honestly demeaning to the woman who is the mistress. Also, the chick looks like in her mid-20s, early 30s at best, even taking in account the fact that Asian people can look pretty young for their age. My mom is nearing 50, and she's the younger sibling, so... O_O although it isn't like my uncle is a 60-some old balding/white-haired man with a 20-something mistress, STILL. IT'S NOT LIKE MY AUNT AIN'T PRETTY EITHER, IN FACT, I THINK IF SHE PUT ON SOME NICE CLOTHES AND MAKEUP SHE'D LOOK GREAT (not that she doesn't already, but her work clothes are pretty lame okay). AND SHE DOTES ON ME SO THEREFORE SHE'S A GREAT PERSON (okay, maybe she treats my uncle like shit, idk, but from what I see she's a nice person!).
This situation looks confusing af. I fucking hate affairs. I would keep silent cause the situation may be more complex than on the surface.
Try having people telling you to pass congratulations to your dad for his new daughter. One way to find out you have another step-mom.
you have issues. not your uncle. you. jeez affair is bad. family covers it up. whatever. wanna be a busybody? then snitch. dont know what to do? then do nothing. because in divorce your uncle would get everything in the end (china) stop with the dramatic mode please
well I dont have a good opnion on people that have affair, it happened in my family and there were divorces because of it,I guess I have basically the same as your opnion ,except that I dont think its right for someone to have several partners even if there is consent
Yandere? Is that a yandere sign?!?! All jokes aside, my uncle had a mistress, and my dad had two mistresses. I find the idea of having a mistress very wrong and my dad's first mistress lasted briefly and I was too young to remember, my mom dealt with it perfectly. The second mistress devastated us, it was a very good family friend who we brought on many vacations with us and bought me so many toys since I was little. Finding out about the affair devastated me and my mom because she and the mistress were very close (at least that sneaky b*tch acted all nice and close with my mom). My dad totally regrets it now because he admits that having two woman who aren't on good terms is shortening his life instead of giving him enjoyment. I'll tell you now, tell your uncle to choose one now or he's going to regret it in the future. Tell him to choose the smarter one and not the one who likes to spend all of his money. My dad learned the hard way. As a man, I entertain the thoughts of multiple wives for imagination purposes, but I'll tell you, multiple wives are deadly especially seeing how your uncle might get beaten up and sent to a hospital if it gets found out. When I say regret, I'm talking about how no one is stupid enough to not find out about a mistress. And when she finds out, cat fights are nasty and some people will do crazy things when pushed to their limits. Acting on their emotional impulses rather than rationality. Your aunt will find out unless she is just pretending to not notice and just hates your uncle and has her own affair.
your uncle acts cool by showing his mistress off to his family... yet his wife left in the dark., such a pussy~
Holy mother of wall of text....damn. I still read it though. xD I dunno man. These be some sketchy waters that is waaaay above your pay grade. I mean the most you can do is talk it out with your uncle and see what is the whole situation before you start a world war in your family. And at most, all you can do is express your opinion. Think long and hard on what to do before you do it. But ultimately, this sketchy mode needs to be dealt with eventually. Just not by you.
Contrary to what you think, You cant fix it, and there is no way you can help them. This is their problem. If you dont tell, she would know someday and you would be an acomplish of him hiding the fact. If you do tell, she would go berserk and avoid you coz you are the reminder of her failed marriage. What i would suggest, you go back to talk to your mom. Tell her that youfeel inclined to tell your aunt but feel like your mom should break it to her. If your mom feel otherwise, she should tell you the reason and let you ponder it for awhile. If you still feel strongly about it, you better be ready for all the hate coming in to you (That would be your uncle, his girlfriend, your mom and might be your aunt). In a way, fights should be resolved within a generation imo. Truth hurts, truth tellers are usually slaughtered ... Just ask Snowden...
I think that if the whole family knows then there is no way your aunt does not know. Think about it this has been going on for awhile now, and from the sounds of things your aunt is not a slow witted person. I would leave it alone personally but if it really bothered me I would talk to my uncle first telling him how I feel and what I think.
yup sometimes it is truly not worth the aggravation...been on both sides of the fence and at the end of the day it just sucks ass
Well as much as we men like harems, it's actually not a good thing and especially if you're cheating on your wife. I mean consenting would be one thing, but cheating? Better to divorce first even though it might be a hassle. But I don't think that your aunt knows nothing, maybe hinting something jokingly and see how she reacts?
Depends on your relationship with your Aunt, if its close and more than amicable then yeah, you should probably tell her (with evidence would also be best) but if it's a distant relationship then all you might end up doing is straining your relationship with her, it's a real doozy. At the end of the day the choice is really up to you. Affairs are a generally messy situation that I stay far away from. As for my opinion on affairs; I hate them. I mean there are some people who have abusive spouses and end up comitting adultery because they find a far more loving relationship with the other person but I think that's in the minority.
No, never I don't have any experience of this kind of affairs. Sorry to say this, although I'm getting old. I still don't know what liking others or loving others means . One thing I want to make sure. If you like your aunt (in mutual way, not in a aunt and nephew way), does your aunt likes you the way you do. If not, then just forget everything and live a normal life instead of having an affair like that. If yes, then just tell her, and see what kind of answer you get from her. (A colleague of mine [in previous work], had fallen for a woman, later he found out she was married and already had 2 or 3 children. Still he confessed, but she refused him while smiling). Although it doesn't happens much and less likely to happen. But still, in these days Asia still got people that : a man might have 3 wives or a woman might have 3 husbands.
Whether you tell or not, if uncle gets beaten then honestly he deserves it lol If he wants a mistress then he better be clean about it rather than keep his wife (the most important person) out in the dark. If even Grandma knows then you might as well break it to her. I mean, better cut it off quickly than let it stagnate, only to blow up in your aunt's face years later when confronted with the truth. Maybe not so deliberately, but maybe hint at least that she should rethink her choice in spouses. If you find out she knows but doesn't care enough to do anything about it, then that's that I guess. Nothing to get your panties in a bunch over if the person herself doesn't want to do anything about the situation.
Stop being tsundere! Just accept it! This is reality on most east asian nation!! PRC, S. Korea, Japan, Taiwan, Malaysia, Indonesia.
What you are describing was my life but imagine your aunt had a daughter but I was that daughter. I would ask you to tell you aunt but I understand that this is a difficult choice for you. Let me tell you, no matter the circumstances, no one deserves to be treated that way.
And stop poking your nose into this matter, act like you didn't know anything! THIS IS MY WARNING! For your actions will make you alienated in your family! My advice is stay away from trouble. Do act friendly to everyone. I have meet similar case often. And those who against this usually get alienated by his or her family. They get branded as person who wreck other harmonious marriage. Just stop, for your own sake. I beg you..