Well been reading novels too much lately and got the idea what about if I write one of mine while at the same time improving my writing skill cuz English isn't my first language, it's like killing two birds with one stone. Prologue: In the endless void of the starry skies countless cultivators with unimaginable cultivation level fight over the resources and treasures while still in search of the heavenly artifact, the mysterious scroll that brought forth the firmament war. jin yung stumbles upon this treasure where he begins his road to reach the peak of martial arts.
Chapter one : new day In the morning as the sunlight bathed the world with warmth, on the peak of a mountain there was a teenager doing martial art exercise if you looked his facial expression you could see how serious he was putting in it . Jin yung stopped as he sat cross legged to welcome the mourning sunlight on his body, he muttered "it has been one year as I broke through to body tempering level two and there isn't any sign of other break through like I am stuck". Jin yung was now 16 years old with second level cultivation of body tempering although he couldn't catch up with geniuses of the powerful sects and clans he thought that at least he wasn't mediocre because he believed that he depended on him self while those geniuses were sheltered, just like flower in green house but he would go out hunting with his grandfather to temper himself. Jin yung stood up and leaved the mountain and went straight home to check up his grandfather, while walking you could see the bustling street although it was early in the morning. When he got home he saw his grandfather who already woke up and was brimming with energy. Ji yung "grandfather ji ming to day your breath is way stronger did you break through". This old man was ji yung's most beloved grandfather although he was old he was tempering level eight and two levels away from Qi Revolving. Ji ming " hahaha it's been long since I broke through I gained some attainment in the cultivation technique of Majestic Lion although it's third grade never the less it quite good and can be cultivated to the peak of tempering level, if you break through to third tempering then I will let you cultivate it". Cultivators use cultivation techniques to help them power up, temper their body and reach new heights and you can begin it after reachinng the third stage of tempering. Jin yung laughed he knew that his grandfather was encouraging him and that cultivation technique cost him a lot to get it. "Grandfather don't worry I won't disappointment you, one month later the MYSTIC SECT will be taking in disciples at third tempering and will hard to join in as outer disciple." Said jin yung "Ok that's the spirit work hard, to day I will be doing some hunting with a friend of mine and will late at night so don't wait me." Jin min said while nodding Jin yung" I will be going to stroll and see what my friend kao is doing". Jin yung waved as went out while jin ming gazed with a loving expression as he muttered " I hope he successes".
After leaving jin ming, jin yung went to out to meet his best friend lu kao who was from the lu family. This wa the Kingdom of BUA which was the overlord of the East, there were four kingdoms in the WU continent, the East of BUA, the West of AQUA, the North of LUA and the south of HUA, these were the four large kingdoms and although they were the rulers they were cautious to not offend the sects which resided in their Kingdoms because of their overall strength weren't weaker than them if not stronger. The largest sects were: THE MYSTIC SECT in East, THE LUNAR SECT in West, THE PROFOUND SECT north and THE DESOLATE SECT in South. seventy percent of the Wu continent were cultivators while thirty percent were mortals, In the continent of WU, there is a total of 6 known realm each separated in 10 stages , 1-3:EARLY, 4-6: MID, 7-9:HIGH, peak and they are as follows from low to high. Tempering, Qi Revolving, Core Formation, Spirit Realm, Constellation Realm and Profound Realm. After walking for minutes Jin yung saw a fatty running to and from in the middle of the streat, he smiled and called him "kao, what are you doing?". Kao looked around to see who was calling out for him and when he saw a slim teenager walking towards him, he broke into smile "hehe jin you bastard, your best friend here is trying to lose some weight how could I court girls with this body". Jin yung was amused he knew that his best friend didn't have an aptitude in cultivation so he said"well you are trying your best and you will succeed soon with such hardwork". Kao laughed" let's put this matter a side, to day what about if we go to stone workshop and try our luck". Stone workshops were place that sold stones, you could select one and if you found inside any valuable material you could take or sell in the workshop for some fortune. "Ok, let's go" said jin yung " I have some silver coins for the last place I did some miscellaneous work". In Wu, people used bronze, silver, gold and purple coins as transfer rate 100 bronze coins equals one silver and hundred silver coins equals one gold where as one purple coin equals hhundred gold coins. Jin yung and kao came the stone workshop where an old guard was sitting front. "Hello, uncle we want to buy some stones inside"said kao. "Hmph"said the old guard" you brats you aren't stone masters and want to lose your money for some unknown fortune, whatever go inside there aren't too many people inside anyway". Jin yung and kao laughed as they went inside, when they entered they went to reception disk and asked where they could choose the stones. "Go to left and enter the front room" answered the woman in the reception disk. Jin yung and jao followed the route and came to large room where in the middle where stones laid in structured way. Jin yung moved forward as he caressed the rocks in the front then he went to side as he selected one in the front and one in the middle although he wasn't a stone master he read a lot about them of knowing the characteristics of whether a stone would have something inside or not. As they selected the stones they went straight to the reception and oaid the money. Kao" hey jin are you going to take it home or just slice it here to see what's inside" Jin yung" I will be taking it home" "Ok" replied kao" I know uou have only one month to break through 3rd tempering if you want to join the mystic sect work hard bro". ------------------------------------------ The right of the Kingdom of BUA their was mountain shrouded in mist, this was the mystic sect location, in the middle of the grand hall sat old men who released a breath taking aura as they affected their surroundings. On the top of the hall sat an oldman who even caused distortion the surrounding space, this was the leader and the strongest person in the mystic sect "MUZEN" as he looked around the hole he said " after a month we will be taking in disciples and in five months their will be the disciple tournament of outer, inner and core and after half year there will be the grand tournament of the sects and kingdoms, so notice the students to double their efforts, we have always been in the third place every grand tournament this time there must be sime changes" . "Yes, leader" answered the old men, this were the elders of the mystic sect and if they went outside they could become supreme elders in some clans but what they pursued was not fame and fortune only the peak of cultivation where they could reach in their destiny. ------------------------------------------- As jin yung got home he sat on his bed as he took out the two stones he bought from the workshop, "hmm let's see what's inside" said jin yung, as he sliced open the first rock only to see there wasn't anything inside he become broke hearted" damn I just bought two silver coins whith this" as he was blaming himself he sliced the second stone only to find a black scroll shrouded in black mist" what's this" said jin yung as he touched the scroll only to find himself losing his consciousness.
My friend, the concept of your story is , in my opinion, pretty good but some things screw the way it goes. 1- minor mistakes on grammar, such as lack of proper punctuation 2-the way the writing is done gives the impression of something that's been wrote in a hurry without much thinking I Hope i helped
Chapter three; Jin yung found his consciousness inside an endless void. He was first shocked of what was happening to him but then came down because he remembered that the last thing he touched was the black scroll. He heard his grandfather mention that there were Interspatial Storages with inner structures that you can view it with your consciousness. 'Hmm.. what is that', thought jin yung, while he was looking a round he saw a speckle of light in the middle of the void, at first it couldn't be notified for it was so small but then, it grew at an alarming rate. As jin yung was wondering what the hell was going on, the intensity of the light increased as he closed his eyes. As he opened his eyes, what came to view wasn't an endless void but.... An unknown world filled whith monsters never before seen that covered the land and skies, supreme experts with frightening auras and demons whose bodies surrounded red blood. And between there was a black scroll floating up in the air though no one could get close to it besides fighting over it. As they fought the skies were devoid of colour and the land become lifeless with mountains of skeletons, the space cracked and dimensional distortion began to take form. The fighting continued untill a black hole appeared and devoured everything. Jin yung watched all of this with shocked expression, he never dreamed a day that he could see a war like this. As that black hole devoured everything, he returned on the same endless void as before. But now what was different from before is that there was three golden lines written inside this empty world. SURPASS ALL AND BREAK FREE FROM THE SHACKLES OF LIFE AND DEATH.... UNSEAL THE SECRETS OF THE HEAVENS AND THE MYSTERIES OF THE VOID.... WITH A HAND DESTROY WORLD'S AND THE OTHER FORM ONE'S..... As jin yung saw this, it was as he was struck by lighting, and while he was stunned those three lines flew and entered his forehead and then he fainted..... After some time jin yung woke, now he was still in his room but there was no black scroll and he was covered in sweet, he was stunned as he looked his empty hands but then he looked inside his body amd found out that it was inside his dantain. He breathed deeply and calmed down as he sat cross legged because there was too much information in his head. After he browsed through this information he divided it into three parts. The first part was about the scroll itself, the second part was a peerless cultivation technique and the third part was general information. The scroll was mysterious heavenly object and contained a lot of secrets, it consisted of three world's and the first jin yung entered was THE ILLUSIONARY VOID WORLD. The cultivation technique he found was called PRIMORDIAL LAWS.This cultivation technique has six layers. And lastly the information jin yung obtained from the illusionary VOID WORL inside the black square was about ANCIENT RUINS,HEAVENLY TREASURES and LOST SCRIPTURES. ...................................................................... Two days later jin yung walked out of his room. 'It has taken me some time to digest the information I found in the scroll' jin yung thought, he found out that the black scroll was mysterious scroll, although after entering the void world he got some information about it, it wasn't complete one, only that it contained three illusionary world's with lot's of secrets. He looked around and frowned because he didn't find his grandfather, so he walked out to look for him and practice, as he was eager to try out that technique.