lol its too sad that since college days people never had any close friends anymore when most of them are at other town work collegue are never the same as friends we made when we are at school well i have a friends that i didn't meet for 1 or 5 years and i still didn't feel awkward bothering him good for me lol
Isitthelogicalthingto do? Nonefrom RL!? I myself has 5 i call close. Even.if.i.dont.contact.them,.but.i.know.if.i.ever.get.in.touch.again,theyd.still.be.precious.
I have some friends from RL, I can easily talk with them, and we meet pretty often and have plenty of fun together. I can't really rely on them, and it's really easy for me to get annoyed at them if the topic drifts away from games and anime to something slightly more serious, so... None from RL, they are people I enjoy hanging out with, and that I meet pretty often since middle school, but not people I'd call close friends.
*shrugs* Well.. for me it is.. i mean past is past why broad with. I rather move forward unhindered instead of worrying about past stuffs
Yeah... At least with them, kinda what happens when their views on most things clash with yours directly and they don't really know how to respect the opinion of others... Reason why I said not any of them is really close to me.
Well, to me a friendship has as its basis emotions. Emotions can appear abruptly, for example, you see a person that seem to fit your idea of a persona and think that he/she can be your person and, after you talk with him/her for a short time you end up thinking that he/she is your friend, or emotions need some time to appear and develop/take roots, for example, you have to interact with a person for a long time before you can consider him/her your friend. Now, most people already have a idea about what friendship means, about what the word 'friend' stands for, even tought, sometimes, that idea is just a intuitive one, one gained from previous/others experiences. Most often you can see people trying to use the same measures for all people, they tend to use their knowledge, experience and wants to find a certain someone and not to act friendly towards different people and see/find out how they trully are, if they have the needed qualities that a friend should have, if they aren't faking their toughts and feelings. Now, every person is entitled to his/her opinion and, as long as that won't affect others (in a negative way), that opinion should be respected. Sometimes, those who aren't sure about what their notion of friendship and what the 'feelings' a friend/frienship brings, will find themselves in a precarious position as they can be easily influenced by what other says, for example, X person is the friend of person Y; person Y makes a mistake that comes into contradiction with the feelings and the toughts/notions of person X; person X, even tough he/she knows that he/she should try to understand the reasons for the actions of person Y, at the explanations, toughts and recommendations of person Z decides to break his/her friendship with person Y. After some time, person X finds out that he/she was misleaded by person Z (who acted with or withouth a bad intention) and that, in fact, person Y either didn't do anything at all, either person X gave too much negative value to some imaginary or real actions of his/her past friend. In such situations, as friendship is based on feelings and trust it's easy to lose them; you don't decide when you become friends with someone, nor when you stop being friends with that someone as you can't decide when you'll lose that emotion, you can't say: "That's it, from this point on, I won't be your friend" - that's not how emotions work; of course, you can decide that you need a break, that you want to 'cut out' the time spent out togheter, but, you'll need time for that/those emotion/s to fade out. To give a second chance is hard and, very often, it's futile to give it and/or too difficult to afford it. We can say that friendship is a relation between two people; even tought the notions of those people about friendship can differ, friendship, in some cases, can exist, for certain period of time, even tought it's unilateral/one sided. For example, person X things about person Y that he/she is his/her friend but, in fact, person Y is just polite and says things as such: You're too kind, that's cool, we're friends and so on. As long as person X continues to believe in that friendship, as long as person X continues to feel that 'friendship' he/she can say: "I think about person Y as my friend", but, not "We're friends" (this implies that the relationship is acknowledged by both parties). The word 'think' shows that there is a probability, that things aren't sure. I'll stop here with the analysis and say some thing about me. When I was in junior school, I've had some friends, not really close, but, just enough to be called friends. At the interventions of my family we broke up (I was like 8-9 y.o.) - we were separated/not allowed to see each other for some time and, after that, they've changed schools. When you're young is easier to make friends and you aren't too picky and you learn with the other/s to build, cultivate and understand the notion of friendship - in life we learn most things, even how to be friends (what to say, what not to say, how to understand ourselves and others and so on). After that, there begins to appear differences, the personality begins to take form, there will appear new interests and so on; it will be harder for someone to make new friends. In high school, I've had a classmate that was pretty close to me, we used to talk about this or that, but, I don't think that I can consider him a very close friend as there was a limit about the things that we could talk. But, still, between us was a certain degree of sincerity and trust. The same thing happened in university. I've also had some almost close friends, but, due to some mistakes from my part, I've lost them. That's life, I've learned to live with the loss, to bear the negative feelings that that absence & mistake(s) brought. Nowdays, I have some acquintaces that I can call almost friends as I can call them when I have a minor problem/need to solve something or when we talk about common interests, for example fishing; When I upload some photographs with fishing tackle, catches or fishing landscapes, I can talk with them about how the fishing trip & session was and similar things. To sum up, the notion of friendship is and should be (in a way) personal. I've tried to point out, in a clear and succint way, my toughts on this subject.
I feel that there are missing out some points and that.. it's very possible that I have a wrong view on the notion of friendship - that's why I've decided to continue the idea from the previous post. Friendship exists between equals. If you're asking me what type of equality that should be, I'd say that, first of all, it should be an equality of notions and not of feelings. Why not an equality of emotions? Leaving aside the fact that emotions can't be equated, emotions come and go, appear and disappear involuntary, whitouth someone to be willingly subjected to that emotion. There can be exceptions, but, those emotions are created artificially as the one who 'feels' plays a role and enter the skin of that character - imagine, an actor that has to play the role of a friend.. oh, let's skip that and go to another profound emotion - love. We'll go and use that direction as love isn't 'available' to/for all - not all of us experienced it. An actor can't love an character automatically and so, either he'll try to love the actor that plays that character and change the character's name with that of the actor - in this case his love is pretty much real - it'll only be extended to an artificial creation - the character- he loves the same person, but with a different name; the second possibility is for the actor to use his personal love experience and imagine that the recipient/receiver/the one to receive his love is the actor, in this case he'll live the old love; the third possibility is the one where the actor haven't and can't feel what love is and so he'll have to learn some notions of what love is and how someone who's in love acts and feels; the fourth possibility - the hardest of them all is where the actor combine the previous ones - he'll use his previous love as an example, his experience and combine them and he'll augmentate that love by using the writers notion of love (as it was ilustrated in that work) and the various notions of love and will love -as long as the acts last- the other actor as if that actor is the character itself. The same possiblities exist with friendship. At first friendship appears as an emotion - an attachement to someone else. You can't be friends with someone who isn't the same as you - you won't derive pleasure from something that you don't understand, nor can relate to. The begining of a friendship is based on feelings, but, the continuation of that can't be resumed to feelings. The friend will begin to wish for the well being of his friend, for his company and he'll enjoy that company, searching and wishing for it. Next will be the adjustment of that feeling. The friends will learn to know each other and, with time, will learn how to protect those feelings. As the mind shows the way, but the hearth doesn't always follow that way... a conflicted/contradictory emotion can appear. The friend can find himself in the position to choose between giving way to his emotions, giving way to his thoughts and/or to combine them. Giving way to emotions is like driving fast withouth breaks, there can be accidents. Giving way to toughts means to have an artificial friendship, an construct that's applied out of convenience, automaticall. The friend will often find himself thinking: Now, let's act like this as this is what true friendship is... Integrating toughts in that emotions is like driving fast, but still having the ability to know where and when to stop. Let's say that a friend is jealous (he has the friendship of another) because his friend doesn't spend time, nor give attention to him, even thought he has that time, but, instead he's spending it with someone else, someone who isn't important to him. Giving way to his jealousy, the jealous friend will want to make his existence acknowledged.. in most cases he'll have a fit of fury, he'll act mean, he'll stop talking with his friends.. or he'll act in similar ways and do similar negative way and, in some cases, that'll break that friendship. If he'll only think about his emotions.. that also isn't good as only thinking (and most frequently negatively) can end in terms of accusations, comparations and so on - we can't forget that his negative emotions are analyzed, but can't be forgotten&ignored - he'll begin the analysis with terms like 'i feel' 'i need' 'i want'; also, the one who analyze s them can't be neutral and will overthink - it's like pouring gas on fire. If he can integrate his thoughts into his feelings, more exactelly, if he can guide his emotions by using his thoughts, then, he'll be able to 'try' both perspectives, his and that of his friend - he'll go further that his own wants and needs. But, to do that, he needs experience, effort and will .. and, more importantly, other chances. As a relationship need at least two persons, then, those persons are those who will define that relationship. They should be the one to define it's limits and that's why asking for help from an specialist or someone else is up to them and that's also why that third party should be neutral (impartial) -withouth personal objectives, to know and understand where the problems lie and to be able to offer pertinent and correct 'words'. As 'tango needs two' - an minimal equality of notions and emotions should exist between the persons involved in a relationship: 1. the same emotion/feeling should exist; 2. the acceptance of the possibility that there can be mistakes and so the offerance of the second, third and even 'n' chance; 3. the desire to continue that relationship; 4. the acceptance of the fact that you can't force your notions and feelings on someone else and that you should respect them... and so on. Friendship as with love can be easily tainted by negative emotions like fear, distrust and so on. Those often have at their basis the insecurity and lack of self esteem of one of the friends. Some of them can be explained by looking at: heredity, education and/or environment.. What' I've 'wrote' touched, in a personal perspective, only how I see the normal person - one who either has or can have the basic set of notions and feelings.
I have one RL friend that I meet once per month to go the beach and get pizza with. He lives across the country so we mainly talk via net, I hope he doesn't become a strictly net friend though.
I have two best friends (though there isn't this option only and I think there's really lot lot of difference between two and three) that I would trust in everything. They are kindred minds but at the same time different from me in the fact that they are good in different things...we complement each other. With them I can laugh, with them I can be serious, with them I can share my troubles and worries, with them I can not worry about them judging me and with them I feel at ease even when we are not talking. Even if life will separate us I do not regret having them as my friends even a little bit. Without them I wouldn't who I am today after all ^-^
Yeah, after college it is hard to stay in touch, but i'm lucky that even if i dont see my friends for months or years it's like we never stopped talking. It's similar to what you said about seeing your friends and not feeling awkward even if it's been years. My friends are also loyal regardless of how long it's been.
Close friend is not what you consider, but his/her consideration. Do you ever think for a second that such act is very disturbing to your "friend". BTW, your "friends" have the manner. Very good manner.
I only have 2 and we don't hangout as often as we used to. As i have gotten older and have to work all the its hard to find time to hang out with your friends let alone have time to do your hobbies.
*pats Ka*. Truthfully, there are times where the fewer friends you have, the more cultivated your feelings are. That's why the voting system isn't a good one; it's the quality of that friendship that's most important. Not to mention that the term "friend" is too vague. If we go by facebook, for example, I'd have 800+, but only 5 or so of those that I actually talk to.