Short Story I got reincarnated, BUT WHY AM I A HAREM PROTAGONIST?!?

Hey this my first short story it's kind of a one shot I don't really know a lot about writing so if you have any advice to make this better please share
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Warning: this story has a lot of swearing at most its an R-13

Also I'm really bad at coming up with names so bare with me.

Apologies in advance for any spelling or grammatical errors
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I hate harem stories.
Every single one of them is the same
They always starts with a the protagonist jerking himself off to how normal he is, till it gets to a fetish level, and is a pervert most of the time but once he gets the chance to do "it" all of a sudden becomes a pure maiden~~.
Then they have the most beautiful girls in school fall in love with him because he helped them wipe there ass or something,
And they always have the same kind of girls.

The childhood friend.
The tsundere.
The shy clutz with big boobs.
The mature beauty one.
He's sister (because incest why not)
And of course the Loli.
Lolicon is a fucking disease just saying this now.
And what's really awful is that they can only have three endings.
1. The protagonist chooses the fist girl.
2. He somehow convinces all the girls to be with his boring lame ass.
3. No ending just let the fans decide because the author is a fucking pussy.

What was that.
Every man's dream is a harem?
.........
ARE YOU OUT OF YOUR MIND!
It cost so much just dating one girl imagine dating 3-5 at once, you can also just say goodbye to your free time.

Harem is awful I hope I never get one
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That my friend was the drunken rant I posted while on my phone on a NU forum at 3am while walking home, before I noticed a truck moving in front of me out of nowhere the truck came so close! and.......................................

I DODGED IT!!

Holyshit that was close!
The truck slowed down
I'm going to give that basterd a pice of my mind!
Wait.......why is he's turning around.....

OH SHIT OH SHIT!

I look at the driver it's he has a...a....whit robe and a big beard what the hell
........ That was my final thought.
_________________________________________

When I Woke up I realized I was reincarnated into a baby.
what I know now is that my name is kudo........ Wtf kind of name is that.....
Anyway I looked around and........................................................................... ... Mm.........

You know what .... I'M JUST GOING TO SKIP THE HOLE BABY ARC!
just going to skip to the actual interesting stuff okay is that cool with you, good you won't miss much trust me it'd just unimportant world building that doesn't really add anything.
So let's just skip Sixteen years to my first day of the second year of highschool

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[KUDO-KUN! KUDO-KUN!] (??)
I wake up in the morning to sound of my
""""""""""""""""""""""childhood friend"""""""""""""""""""""
I had to put as many quotation marks as I could.
Her name is Tina.
I met her in elementary school when I beat up some ass hole for stealing my butterfinger and she just so happened to be there and thought I was saving her now she's an annoying woman who follows me around everywhere and they only thing she wants is to be my wife and that's it, no goals no dreams just wants to be my wife it's kind of sad when you think about it.
I start walking downstairs usually I'd see my sister, but that kind of stopped after the restraining order.
I walk outside and see tina
[geez kudo-kun you're so slow~~~~ can you do any thing without me] (tina)

[..........................................] (kudo)

[..kudo you're doing the death stare again ]
(Tina)
............

[...I'm sorry..] (Tina)

[let's just go... ] (kudo)

[hey kudo I heard there's going to be a new transfer student! ] (Tina)

[Tina.
I don't fucking care okay] (kudo)

[but..but] (Tina )

[Tina what do I always say] (kudo)

[... Shut the fuck up Tina ] (Tina )

[yep let's Remember that now] (kudo)

And that pretty much our relationship I spend my time belittling her yet she keeps following me I think she might be an M.
It's kind of gross but not enough for another restraining order, and unlike my sister I don't have any evidence to use to make the claim, again unlike my sister that meatloaf incident kind of made that case.

I get to the school entrance and make 100% sure that my uniform is perfect and I walk through.....

[STOP RIGHT THERE! ](?? )

[COME ON! WHAT WHAT!] (kudo)

[your bangs are too long] (??)

She says while a guy with hair reaching his back walks scot free
She being the discipline comity head
Fanie the tsundere

[fine I'll shave my head bald] (kudo)

[NO! I LIKE YOUR HAIR] (Fanie)

[........ You can at least try to be subtle about liking me] (kudo)

[WHAT NO I DON'T LIKE YOU! ... I just that your hair is nice also you smell good.......
BUT NO I DON'T LIKE YOU I NEVER DID OR Will, I HATE YOU...... Baka! ] (Fanie)

I started to walk as Fanie was digging a deeper hole for her self

[WAIT!] (Fanie)

[what is it now] (kudo)

[I... Um.. Made too many cookies I was going to throw the rest in the trash but I thought I would give it to you..... I JUST HATE WASTING FOOD OKAY... you better be grateful] (Fanie)

She shoves the cookies on to me......
Yeah no I'm not fucking doing this.

I chuck the cookies at Tina.

[since these are too good for me I'll just give it to Tina she's a fucking gluten anyway] (kudo)

[wait.. No.!](fanie)

Nope too late entered the school.

[...... Kudo-kun I pretty sure yo-] (tina)

[shut the fuck up Tina] (kudo)

[..](Tina)

We walk to class.
Tina has something to do so she goes ahead of me.

As I'm walking I spot a girl running towards me

[Senpai!] (??)

She's running with all her might. her boobs are juggling so hard they could kill some one.
After that she trips on fucking nothing like an idiot and falls on me........
YEAH RIGHT I'm the guy that can dodge a truck!
She fall on the ground.

[....... senpai why didn't you catch me](??)

She looks at me with tears in her eyes with a look that kind melt any frozen heart

[What you me to get hurt for you there's a limit to how selfish you can be!] (kudo)

[no...i.....I'm sorry senpai.."sniff"...](??)

[you better be.
So what do you want Sena] (kudo)

[senpai I'm so sorry I.... Sniff... Sniff... I can't find the locket you gave me] (Sena)

Oh yes the locket.
the one I found in trash and thought it would be funny to give to her.
She knows where I got it from but she still acts like it was a real gift

[........... Sena..........your wearing it.] (kudo)

"[ah!] (sena)

Fucking dumb ass

I should just go

And right when I thought that a strong wind came through enough to think the wind god just dropped a big one

And Sean's panties come on full view

[..................... Did you see] (sena)

[yep I did] (kudo)

Sena has a face of embarrassment and anger

[senpai you perv-] (sena)

[.. And it completely ruined it for me](kudo)

[wha-] (sena)

[because of you and your panties I am no longer attracted to the female form] (kudo)

[. I.] (sena)

[I'm gay now] (kudo)

So looks at me with utter fear and guilt when she realizes she's so unattractive to me that she made me gay.

[senpai.... I'm soo sorry I didn-] (sena)

Too late I walked away
But really though you have to be an extreme virgin if panties are too much for you.



After that I finally got to class

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Class hasn't started yet so I sit down and
Pull out my things when....

[onii-chan good morning] (??)

Onii-chan your fucking ass.... Is what I wanted to say but I'm pretty sure the cops would want to talk to me afterwards.

I look at the little girl who looks no more than twelve.
Why is a twelve year old in high school because Genius blah blah prodigy blah blah inventor you know the drill if you read any harem manga.

[good morning Lin] (kudo)

Im trying my fucking hardest to be nice right now because she's the principal's daughter
I met her when I got into trouble when I shoved a bunch of grasshopper down a guys throat. Because he was annoyingly suggesting that Tina was my girlfriend.

My punishment was having to help this brat with her experiments....................
It's not as cool as you think.
I was trying to be as nice as possible so I wouldn't be expalid form school.
That kind of back fired....

[Lin can you stop calling me oni-chan] (kudo)

Before I fucking throw up

[nope... Unless you want to be called darling instead ] (Lin)

I throw up in my mouth oh God this 12 year old is hitting on me and it feels so gross

[let's stick with onii-chan] (kudo)

RING~~~ RING~~~

the bell rings and I take a seat as fast as I could just as the teacher walks in


[alright kids a new student is going to be
joining us] (teacher)

[I hope its cute girl! ] (virgin douchebag)

[introduced yourself] (teacher)

A girl walked in she had sharp eyes and a beautiful face.
When I saw her I immediately I thought...
She looks like the kind of person that pretends not to care but is actually very insecure.
[hello my name is Elizabeth] (Elizabeth)

[please tell us about yourself] (teacher)

[yes I like reading and tea....
I'm also kudo-san's fiance] (Elizabeth)

[WHAAAT!! ] (Tina)

[................] (Lin)


What were doing this now
talk about cliche and isn't that for the second arc when the author runs out of ideas........
Well looks like I got to deal with this now.........

....... I really hate harem

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Wow...

 

I like hentais

 

I like tsundere

 

Commas are your friend.

 

I laughed so much while reading this. I hope you continue because it was great

 

Just saying but... first of all what you truly hate are those badly made harems. I think that you will like much more the ones in novels like "a step into the past", I liked it a lot in there and it made sense.

Second you truly hate lolicons, I accept that, however I hate them because a lolicon is someone who aims for childs below 12 years old, however more than 12 years old the girl is ready to have sex (see it the childs of these days... most losing virginity at 13-14). In fact, the ancient Greece had a law of death penalty to anyone who had sex with a boy or girl below 12 years old, but more than 12 it was ok. Of course it's not okay for an adult to have real sex with someone of that age but I accept it in fiction, even more when it truly happened in the past.

And third, what is actually the worst thing about the actual harems in novels is exactly that the girls have one dimension, at most two, it will never feel like a real personality, even more when they are always attracted to the beta male of that novel. But well we have many novels with MC's that kill people like breathing, so I don't know which is worst.

 

You mean I should break up sentences more?

 

Of course there are harem stories that I like a lot but this is just to make fun of the bad ones same with the Lolicon thing there are some Lolis from anime and novels that I like but this story is about if was in harem in the real world

 

punctuate your sentences as to not stretch them which will make them easier to understand

 

lololol

 

Well you are almost rigt about everything but there is some fish

Firstly harems are not have to be costly specially dates
Dates themselves are illisionary you dont have to date your love interests not have to pay for dates i.e..

I think if all sides are happy there is no problem with harems morally

So i say shamelessly

 

I think I understand thank you for the advice

 

this is great! please continue

 

It has a good premise my friend... it's somehow... fun? Well, kinda annoying but fun... anyway keep up the good work!

 

What I mean is it's impossible to have a harem that you can be in a relationship with not just love interest unless you're super rich

 

Thank you very much

 

Hmm... The truck driver got me *clap clap*

 

I'm not really planning for a sequel but it might happen