Discussion Is this story too laughable?

Hi guys, Love4NovelGuy here, the writer of Battlefield Reload and Dead Dragons Combat Manual. You probably (or more like definitely) haven't heard of me because I'm just an ordinary amateur writer in the entire sea of people online.

Well then, let me get to the point, I wanted to ask if a story concept I thought of was too laughable to add in. I know a writers gotta write what he wants but I'm here to ask because I want to ask. Since it's betters to get other people's opinions if you want to write a good story.

Almost all of you probably haven't read it so let me summarise the current six chapters. The novel was supposed to be a spin on the whole 'MC gets reincarnated because he's a lucky asshat' and turns it on its head by making the MC literally slice open a hole in the fabric of space to allow his soul to enter another world.

The first three chapters is him fighting his master in a duel and then dying (I won't give too much of a spoiler of who wins because it will ruin the experience). His soul gets struck by lightning and he ends up being stuck in a void for a chapter before he gets the ability to get out.

The MC is a grandmaster unarmed martial artist who is the strongest of Earth, and the evolution of his martial arts from external to internal is the whole goal of the novel.

He believe martial art techniques to be lifeless objects that are unable to change the world around him nor himself. Unlike normal novels where the MC just runs around getting cheats and whatnot. I was going to go into detail on how his every ability evolves from Earth's martial arts.

However, the question that weighed heavily on my mind while writing it was if the fantasy world I was writing too strange from the get go.

Like douluo dalu, the inhabitants of the world awaken 'Martial Spirits', but not the usual type that most novels go for when writing them.

The kind of Martial Spirit I wanted to give the human race are more true to their name. Instead of suddenly gaining the ability to grow grass or whatnot, the Martial Spirits of my novel were going to allow the user to use a magical Kung Fu once awakened (okay I know some of you are already turning off but give me a chance to explain). The world he becomes part of is a place where all Martial Arts are living entities.

That said, because they are 'magical' entities that need to be awakened, they allow the user to become a very weak Internal Martial Artist from the start, and this is everyone in this mystical world full of monsters we are talking about. So even random fights on the streets are a little more interesting.

Well, it was only after properly thinking about it that I realised that the world I'm aiming for may be TOO unrealistic. To the point that I might get reviews saying how weird it is.

What do you guys think? Is the Fantasy World too laughable?

Spoiler: What Alex ends up as.

The MC falls to an alternate world and tries to possess someone, but plot twist, he fails so the youth gets away.

In the end he fails to catch the guy and ends up becoming the youths 'Martial Spirit' instead.

 

It's a funny twist and it will come down to the execution of this project as always. As you have experience in writing, it will get better and better everytime, won't it, add some female side characters with special personalities and romance, if possible

 

Well, a consistent plot comes first then girls come later, since I already experienced how hard it is to write if you write a love interest as a love interest pretty early on in the story.

P.S. I wonder if it's only me who recognises your Profile Pic as a flashback from Hunter X Hunter.

 

Oh, okay, I have no clue bout writing, but recently I liked juvenil medical god and high comprehension low strength for the relationships in there

 

i have read dragons manual and it think it is pretty good only a bit slow

 

I'm not exactly sure what you're really asking for. I thought the plot-twist was fine?

Spoiler: lalala

I guess the MC is like one of those grandpas in a ring

I guess some novel recommendations for their second chance / transport to other world / posses other person / whatever type of prologue to draw inspiration from? (i.e. get an idea of how you want to make the transported to another world part work.)

By the way I'm not necessarily going to list novels I think are good (or bad), but just novels with their beginnings being worthwhile for your story.

Martial Emperor Reborn
Dragon Marked War God
Great Demon King
Upgrade Specialist
Chaotic Sword God
The Magus Era

They've all got a similar prologue to what you're thinking about in one way or another.

 

Really? That sounds just like me, I like slow and steady while building up the story chapter after chapter. I am a bit indecisive so I tend to sometimes be unable to decide on ideas once they come to my head.

 

ok here is some point i need more detail
1. Is the mc from our world or other world
2.how will the mc create a martial manual does he know martial art or he just create one learning form other
3.if a mc become a martial spirit whos spirit would he be?
4. and also what kind of spirit is he?
5. a human ,animal,monster,devil or angel ?
ok from reading this i found answer to 1 and 2
but for the remaining question 3,4 and 5
you said in your profile the mc is going to be a martial spirit but it seem like here you say he is a human getting a martial spirit
form there i would like what is your real idea

 

I can tell you either skimmed or just didn't read anything because the question is so clear that it's practically blatant. Not really annoyed because I guess most people don't read these things if they are about writing. I've already read all of those recommendations so it's fine really. I'm already SIX chapters into my story.

 

No I did read it all. But it seems like a simple question like "is the MC ending up as the martial spirit of someone else stupid?" didn't need that entire wall of text.

So I wasn't quite clear on if you're asking for more? I did answer the question as well: That I thought the plot-twist is fine.

Otherwise you could have just made a poll "Do you think the MC becoming the martial spirit of another person instead of being reincarnated / possessing someone else is a good or bad idea?" "Yes/No"


Of course there's the 3rd alternative that even though I did read it all I didn't understand what you were asking for, which would have been implied through the text instead of the explicitly stated question. (Which I did answer.) And that's why I asked about it, just in case, but I assume not from your response.

 

1. You really didn't read anything... I am running out of patience because too many people are asking me even though I wrote it right there. ...The MC is from our world.
2. He's a grandmaster martial artist and had a teacher on Earth.
3. The secondary MC's. An ordinary child of a local Knight who has tendencies similar to the MC from A Will Eternal.
4. He will be a Death Attribute Skeleton.
5. He's a undead type Martial Spirit.
The MC is going to be shunned because of his Martial Spirit type and he'll end up joining an evil organisation of Death Specialists.

 

dont get tiggend as you too didnt read what i wrote

 

I just wanted to ask if the WORLD I'm making too laughable. Not the plot twist itself.

 

Sorry, only realised my mistake after reading the whole thing, my bad.

 

How would I know to answer this question without reading the novel? (p.s. you mentioned that people wouldn't have read it, but you didn't even link it... )

But you did say it would be similar to Douluo Dalu, except that there wouldn't be mortals who haven't awakened their spirits. And that I think you meant that all their spirits are humanoid?

So I don't see a problem with it, to me it sounds like it would be just another cultivation novel, but with a plot-twist in the beginning. (Since I understood it as that the martial spirits will not be so unique, instead they will be more focused on helping every person to cultivate martial arts.)

 

I guess I was too vague when I wrote it. Well, I always tend to write too much and end up getting comments that literally say it's too long so tried to tone it down a little.

Sigh... Thank you for your honesty, sorry about making my reply sound so triggered. It is kinda a cultivation novel, but there will be no levels and the first few arcs won't have mountain flipping at all. Since everyone in that world will be more traditional martial artists that actually punch people and not throw magic attacks like frickin' Magicians. There will be no ability names and will instead have descriptive fights. The book is on RRL (Royalroadl) if your wondering where it is.

 

In other word , the stories talk about stand . and i believe that it was never done on a xianxa , so do it . it will be at least original.

But all that counts to the end is that the martial art will no be people shouting name .