I think your mistaken For technical reasons, "Life #9" redirects here What is life? They say its from B to D from Birth to Death. but what's between B and D its a C so what is C its a Choise our life is a matter of choises
Depression doesn't only involve 'actively seeking death'. So you still sound depressed to me :c since you are feeling 'better'/ are not as feel down as you were before, maybe you'd consider seeking professional help now? Lack of motivation, lack of interest towards reality can also be part of depression. If you feel like you need and want to move forwards and stop feeling so dull, then please seek help; it is very difficult to overcome that by yourself. Possible, but terribly difficult (and harsh). On another note, I was taken over by anime and manga when I was like... 14 (and fully bloomed into a chuuni), so idk what I'd be without that anymore xD novels are just an extension of that world for me so... I was turned weird by all that before I actively started reading online Asian novels. There's probably no going back to me, this culture is a big part of what I am nowadays, so I can't really say what'd be different for me if I hadn't fallen into it :/
first thing short.. i can read since i was 2 years old and the first thing i read was fantasy story about knights and princess... then I move up a level into manga and LN when i was young... basically I have read for almost the entire time of my life,,, uh.. i'm what u call a bookworm probably.. or the geek with books and glasses that is ez pz target to be bullied.. anyway... they didn't only change my life, they basically what makes the current me, Me. I learn how to look at the world in a new ways, it broaden my horizon. and for whats happening to you, I guess you are at a stale point of your life and you need something to turn it in a better way. as for me, I feel like days are passing so fast until it feels like one year is only one day for me. but yeah, find something you want to do in life. hobby? love interest? or a part time work? if you feel somehow 'detached' from the world, then you need to find a way to get back in. in my opinion it was a case of 'as long as i'm okay, nothing else matter' . it wasn't autism or apathy, it was...uh...what should we call it... self sufficient? sufficient enough for u to go living? like, hell with emotion, i can fake it. it was just... me living... well, up to this point, I can't even understand what it means to be happy... I mean when I smile it was all fake, I can laugh when people make jokes but that was just the facade I put.. in the end it was me alone in my room and I am still living... are u the same? lol
Personally I don't think that reading a lot of novels has changed me much. Mostly it just gave me a bit more material to improve my worldview. I also have times when I don't really feel any emotional response , but I confirmed through tests that it's not directly an inability to feel. It's more of a temporal state of mind. I just had to cofront myself with something that actually causes strong emotions. I don't know if this is the same type of Situation/condition you describe though.
so that's why @Westeller became like that let's blame @Tony for recommending all of those novels to Westie