Novel So, I've been writing a novel without a name.

Discussion in 'Community Fictions' started by Axoth, Jul 27, 2017.

  1. Axoth

    Axoth Member

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    I've recently been writing stories and somehow ended up one with 40(minus 3 skipped chapters that might not exist). Instead of just writing and having it saved in my one drive I decided to share it. I still need to edit them but I'll probably have a few chapters put up today.

    The story itself is a reincanation story with an OP* protagonist. Tags will include: Action, Adventure, Fantasy, Harem, Romance, and others.
    There might be some grammar mistakes in it sorry.
    Well without further delay here is the first two chapter.
    ------------------------
    “Congratulations, you've been selected for reincarnation!”

    This was the first thing I heard when I woke up. Looking around I noticed I was in a room with a bed, wardrobe and desk.

    “Pretty Plain.”


    “Um, could you please not ignore someone when you're in their room?.”


    “Sorry force of habit to check rooms I'm in. Did you say earlier I could be reincarnated?”


    Standing in front of me was a girl with black hair and black eyes. She seemed unnoticeable at first she could be considered a first class beauty.


    Smiling she replied “Yes Axothle you're lucky to be reincarnated into a different world with some benefits.”


    “Yes benefits. You will be able to select two blessings from me to assist you in your new life.”


    “Why two?”


    “Would you like only one?” She glares at me a little displeased.


    “No no no twos a good number. What options do I have to choose from?”


    “You have an almost unlimited amount of choices to can change race, affect jobs, enhance abilities or give bonuses to life itself.”


    “What are the things I can't choose as my benefits?”


    “Well currently there is only one. You can't become a new good directly with these benefits.”

    “So I can still become a god?”


    Surprised by my question she goes into thought. Her surprised face was cute. She should make more expressions like that.


    “Yes it is possible.”


    Hearing this I go into thought thinking which benefits I could choose from. There seems to be some loopholes that I could try. No I don't want to risk only gaining one bonus.


    “Are there jobs that are race locked?” I ask since I heard I could change race.


    Hearing my question she smiles and replies “Yes there are race locked job branches such as Dragon Knight or Night Walker.”


    Her smile filled me with warmth when I saw it. “Then for my first benefit I want to remove the race limitations on jobs.”


    “ Okay then you have two more blessings to choose from.”


    Surprised I ignore that she said two and go with it. If it's possible to gain more blessings than more power to me.


    I now have access to all jobs but I will only be able to use one at time. My next blessing might be to increase the amount of jobs I can have but it depends on if they stack or not.


    “Do benefits for lower jobs stack with higher jobs in the chains?”


    With her gaze at me her previous smile grew. “While the attacks will be replaced the bonus stat benefits and passive boosts will stack.”


    “Then I want to have the ability to use an unlimited number of jobs at one time.”


    “Done you have one last benefit to choose from. Mind you that having all these jobs active might decrease their rate of growth until they reach max level. This is unknown though since no one else has obtained a blessing like this. Also, you will be granted the ability to choose which job will appear when inspected.”


    That will save me a lot of trouble. If I get inspected and have 30 jobs there might be some issues. However, that reduced experience is slightly concerning. There are ways to fix it and that's to increase my xp gain or change race to live longer. Putting these together I have a thought.


    “Is there a race with boosted xp gain?”


    “Yes there are. However, most of these races are non-humanoid and the humanoid ones are hunted by other races due to their fearful growth.”


    “What are the humanoid races to choose from?”


    “There is only one really and that's the Raksuval. It is a Vampire that has none of the vampire weaknesses or limitations such as light magic. They also have all the benefits from being a vampire like higher strength and a longer lifespan. They could be considered immortal due to their ability to drain life directly from any entity they kill. Finally, they have boosted experience of about 5 times due to their rarity.”


    “How many of them are there?” I ask since 5x xp is an insane boost.


    “Currently there is only one however she is a god and is unable to interact with the world.”


    She looks quite sad when explaining that. The benefits are worth it. Even if I'm hunted down if I wait long enough before showing myself I'll be able to fight against anything.


    “Then for my last benefit I want to become a Raksuval.”


    Releasing a blinding smile she says “Good! As a bonus for choosing this I'll also make it show your race as human unless you decide not to.”


    Hearing this I almost jump for joy. I'm getting a total of four benefits and I won't have to worry about being hunted and can live a somewhat normal life.


    “However I must warn you if another god or high level person were to appraise you it will not be able to hide your race. With that in mind please enjoy your new life.”


    Hearing this I instantly reply “I make sure I will but before I go what's your name?”


    “My name is Zira.”


    With that last line everything slowly fades into darkness as I lose consciousness.


    -------------------------


    “To call the current Goddess of War cute what an interesting man. If any of those other God's decide to personally go after him I might have to make them remember that title.“
    ------------------------
    I woke up in a field with new information in my head telling me about the basics of this world. For starters let's inspect my Status.


    “Status”


    Name: Axothle Age: 15 Gender: Male

    Race: Human (Raksuval)

    Job: Commoner lv 1

    Skills:

    Passive Skills: [Life Drain] {Raksuval}

    Blessings: [Unlimited Jobs] {Zira} [Job Restriction Release] {Zira}

    Stats: Hp 250/250

    Strength 50

    Dexterity 50

    Vitality 50

    Intelligence 50

    Wisdom 50

    Luck 10

    Equipment: Clothing, Copper Sword


    To be honest I don't know what I was expecting. I just woke up and don't know what is the average stats are. I can only assume I'm above average due to what Zira said but I don't know by how much. After pondering this for a minute I decided the only thing to do was start my journey.


    …….. I don't know where the nearest town is. I could choose a direction and walk that way and hope for the best. Though that might lead me to a location where things will instantly kill me. At least it's better than sitting here.


    “You bastards!”


    As I begin walking in a direction I hear a female voice in front of me. Thankfully this will save me the trouble of finding a town. I sprint towards the female voice.


    Arriving at the location of the voice I come across an odd scene. There is a girl with pointed ears and silver hair near in a carriage that is surrounded by what appear to be bandits and knights. However, the knights appear to be attacking the bandits who are defending the carriage.


    Seeing this situation was more complicated than I thought it would be I'll just watch for a--


    “You there!” I hear a female voice again.


    Nevermind.


    “Shit! Kill that man!” I hear one of men wearing Knight armor say. Well this makes the situation easier to understand


    With a ghastly expression the woman says “If you can help us out of this situation we'll reward you. If we all die sorry for getting you involved.”


    Well then. As much as I like helping people, getting people killed due to your problems is pushing it. Hopefully, the reward is good.


    As one of the knights(bandits) move towards me the others begin their assault on the carriage. I ready my sword and prepare for combat.


    “ Hehe I get the easy task this time around.” I hear the Knight(bandit) say. He takes to a sprint and swings his sword at my left side. I instantly attempt to block by putting my copper sword in front of his. When the swords collide I could only think “Weak!” My sword didn't even move from the power of his swing.


    Standing there the man's expression went pale he turned towards his comrades and yelled “Watch out this guy actually has some strength!”

    Taking action due to these guys unfocused attention I swing my sword at his neck. Surprisingly there was no resistance from his armor and I successfully decapitated him.


    Seeing the man's head fall off everyone stops their movements and stares at me. The leader responds first by yelling “How could you kill him he was a level 20 Knight!” “Quick kill everyone around the carriage then we'll fight him together!”


    Like I would let that happen I take off into a sprint and swing at the closest Knight near me. Once again a single blow led to a decapitation. After a few minutes all but the leader of the knights were dead.


    “You you're a monster!” We're the last words the leader said before he himself was killed by a quick sword through the heart.


    “Well done!” I hear a loud yell as someone slaps me in the back. Turning around I see the leader of the bandits directly. He has a full beard and is taller than me by half a head. He's slightly tanned and had a shiny beacon for a head.


    “My name is Eldric leader of the Bull Head Bandits.” He extended his hand towards me.


    “My name is Axothle and I'm really confused now.” I say as I take his hand and give him a firm handshake.


    “Hahaha! We're a group of bandits that we're forced into adventuring to make up for our crimes. The life isn't so bad thanks to Mistress Delphi.” Eldric explains to me. He seems happy enough about it though.


    “Shut Up Eldric! Let me talk to him.” The silver haired elf says. She must be the Delphi.


    “Greetings my name is Delphi would you care to talk in my carriage I'm on urgent business.” Before I can answer her she pulls me inside the carriage and says “Continue on our previous course we must reach Velda before nightfall.”


    As we sit down she looks at me in says “Now let me begin.”
    -----------
    Any advice is welcomed!
     
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  2. Otouto-kun

    Otouto-kun Well-Known Member

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    So what's this about??
     
  3. Hotato

    Hotato Eternally Confused

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    Punctuation, run on sentences, and make MC less OP.
     
  4. CyberCypher

    CyberCypher Air Breather

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    needs more slimes and female knights
    ( why are most female knights blonde anyway?)
     
    Anon2.0, SpiralGust and strayCat0 like this.
  5. Shio

    Shio Moderator Staff Member

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    Ability too op. It would be nice if what the mc think will be super useful and op turns out to be not so cheat like in the new world.

    Btw, add some table of content. It'll be super useful later when you have more chapter. For tutorial, check out the pinned post.
     
  6. Juno

    Juno Well-Known Member

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    This isn't the site for original works, that's royalroad
    [​IMG]
     
  7. CyberCypher

    CyberCypher Air Breather

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    actually this part of the forum ( community creations) is a place where you can put these kinds of things but i agree if OP wants a large base to introduce his work he/she should post in royalroad
     
  8. Cosmic_

    Cosmic_ [Novel Addict] [Lazy Writer] [Meh Editor]

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    Not bad, I understand it is the OP harem isekai MC type novel so I won't say something stupid like make the story full of character growth and have a literary theme. I'd suggest you'd add more to the fight scene since it's kinda dull and too quick. I'd also like if you could make us aware that his initial/starting strength is higher than a human like saying that as Raksuval, he will be stronger than the most humans. I get that a vampire is strong, but defeat a lvl 20 at the start seems overkill. I'd also suggest give the MC more character since he's honestly really generic. The MC name is also a bit weird (but hey that's just my opinion). There's also some misspelling, grammar, punctuation, and running sentences.
     
  9. Cosmic_

    Cosmic_ [Novel Addict] [Lazy Writer] [Meh Editor]

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    Oh, send me a link to the work. If it's a public (read only) google docs page where it'll get updated over time, send me it. Make it so comments can be left.
     
  10. Invisalats

    Invisalats The Bearded One

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    Actually this is the place for original works...

    After reading what you posted I can say it wasn't terrible for the type of novel. It was a little abrupt and lacking depth in both character description and interactions.(if you are going for that then by all means do so)
    My main dig would be the name of the mc... But that's more a personal thing than an actual problem.
     
  11. Charlessssssss

    Charlessssssss Well-Known Member

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    More please or riot
     
  12. NewKin

    NewKin New Member

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    I like theme, but you should try and let dialogue sound smoother. If that takes to long, skip small talk and unimportant things in form of a summary to transition to and from dialogue. The character was also way to calm in the beginning. The beginning of a story is what gets people interested so edit the very start a lot. Also, pay attention to small details like he didn't actually call the girl cute, and how he let the bandit touch him without being on guard. I would also personal make a comment about how it felt for him to kill, but you might have left for other reasons like his new race.
     
  13. Asura king

    Asura king Active Member

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    So where can we read the rest of your story
     
  14. Juno

    Juno Well-Known Member

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    I literally didn't say anything I'm just stating that it's better to post on royalroad lol
     
  15. Invisalats

    Invisalats The Bearded One

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    Meant to say OP not you...I have Java off so multi quotes is a pain...
     
  16. SpiralGust

    SpiralGust Well-Known Member

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    Id like more
     
  17. SpiralGust

    SpiralGust Well-Known Member

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    Na you said this place isn't for originals rrl is for that
     
  18. Cosmic_

    Cosmic_ [Novel Addict] [Lazy Writer] [Meh Editor]

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    I remember writing my first novel. It was also a OP isekai. I still like 90 Google doc pages of it. It helped me see flaws in my writing like my constant plot changing, tone, cramming too many cheat at the beginning, and the generic natural of it. It was fun though even if I felt like I wasted 4 days of spring break on it.
     
  19. BloodAdept

    BloodAdept Blood Sacrifice Practitioner

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    Not gonna lie, actually interested in this. where or when will you post more @Axoth ?
     
  20. RR Vocaloid

    RR Vocaloid RoyalRoad.com Slepragt

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    I agree