My Writer Self is Darker Than I

  • This message has been removed from public view.

Author

Bad Storm

no thought, head empty
Messages:
4,840
Likes:
53,027
Points:
634
Blog Posts:
297
I'm a very easy-going person. I smile a lot, ride jokes, prank for good fun and if I say so myself, very friendly. Though, I'm not a class clown (I lack the necessary skills for this), I'm one of those people that my friends could trust to keep the mood up (unless I'm on my silently-indifferent-to-worldly-matters-mode). In short, I'm very a nice company. :blobpats::blobpats:

But, here's the thing, I'm a dark writer (no, I don't write gore or horror). Most of the time, when I write stories and poems, there's this depressing and dark undertone to it. Don't know if you've read any poems I posted here, but you might notice lots of anguish and pain and all that (overly)dramatic stuff if you did. Funny, how those feeling really resonate with what I feel even when I shouldn't even be feeling that way. I have a good life, kinda messed-up but good family, good friends. I could really do great in school if I wanted to. But, somehow, I still feel... empty. And that just shows up when I'm writing.

I never really planned it that way. It just flowed freely out of my grasp. I write for the sake writing (and maybe my own sake as well). It's fun to put words into ideas and give words an ability to make people feel and see those ideas. But, if my writer self is darker than I am, I kinda fear the ideas I'm putting out there. And the vulnerability and honesty they expose.

Endnote: I feel like I'm not saying this well. I better stick to my poems. :blobpeek::blobpeek:

Permalink
You, Lauel, XiaoYun and 5 others like this.

Comments

    1. yun yun yun Aug 4, 2018
      *yawn*
      What a coincidence... We seem to be the same types of people...
      Just too lazy...
      Bad Storm likes this.
    2. MasterCuddler Jul 18, 2018
      Hmmm rather than labeling it as a ‘mask’ or ‘fake’ I think calling it public and private side better. Because it’s simply a side of you that you have used more often, developed more, etc. The dark empty feelings are probably some parts of you that you need to develop, come to understand to find balance with your public side. Writing may be your way of outlet / your way of understanding it so I suggest to keep continuing with it and well...just have fun and see what come out of it
      Bad Storm likes this.
    3. Tramsloof Jul 17, 2018
      Thank you @Bad Storm . I read very much of non fiction books, and these naturally include motivational books. But the books I like to read are more practical than theoretical. And this recommendation to you isn't because this is the top book among all the ones I have read, but because it suits the need of the topic we were discussing about.

      Personally, some of the books in 'self help' category are phenomenal and life changing. Some of my favourites are 'Influence the psychology of Persuation' and 'How to Win Friends and Influence people'. Although there are numerous books that come in my favourites, these two are a must read for anyone, going through any phase in their life. These are, truly very life changing books.
      Bad Storm likes this.
    4. Bad Storm Jul 17, 2018
      @Tramsloof Okay, sounds good. Found a copy just now. I don't read much motivational books, but I'll trust you and your recommendation.
      Tramsloof likes this.
    5. Tramsloof Jul 17, 2018
      @Bad Storm its only about a hundred pages long. It's an inspirational book, a motivational book of sorts, a weird one by all means. Nonetheless it has been a best selling one.

      You will know much better about what it offers after you read the acknowledgement of its author inside if.

      It's apparently related to the wisdom of past.
      Bad Storm likes this.
    6. Bad Storm Jul 17, 2018
      @Tramsloof Yeah, me too. Older doesn't always more experienced. I mostly take note of how much insight could someone give in a particular situation.

      I just need to make sure the mask could be taken off even after time passes. That's what writing is for. It's a buffer, a lifeline and fragment of me as I was (and hopefully still am). You see, being good at a role doesn't equate to being that role. Others may not see the inconsistencies, but you will. You will always do. Because in the first place, you know you're pretending.

      I always believed that a fake will always be a fake. I'm still me. Somewhere.

      Sure, will do. What is it about?
    7. Tramsloof Jul 17, 2018
      @Bad Storm I realise that you are almost my age. Actually, I have always tried my best to ignore the factor of age. What we may have experienced in the same years of life could be totally different, as it is. And due to this, the council of a person that has that particular experience is much more valuable.

      Say for a hypothetical example I was an addict in some point of my life, and I am only fifteen this year. Would my council in regards to drugs be considered ignorant simply because I am tender of age? And would the council of a man be valued, who has never touched drugs and neither seen any addicts, yet he is a man almost reaching the age fifty?

      The thing about being someone else is that you keep getting better at it. As more time goes by, you forget who you really 'were'. And you are left with a mirror, that can only reflect what comes in front it, losing your own substance.

      These are but words. And words are formed through beliefs, which are influenced by experiences. And some of these experiences are borrowed, and we obtain a gist of what they have to offer. As an example we know of the destruction of nuclear weapons without experiencing them for ourselves, but through borrowing the experience of those that did.

      Nonetheless, I want you read a book, and by all means, decide what you want to do by your own reason. The name of the book is 'The Four Agreements', if you can only get past its mysticism at times, you will find things that may inspire you.
      XiaoYun and Bad Storm like this.
    8. Bad Storm Jul 17, 2018
      @AshleyScarlet Hmm... I think writing reflects me as a whole. That includes everything about me, may it be who I am, what I do, how I act, what I like and so on and forth.

      What I wrote up there was the discrepancy I felt between my writing and who I thought I am. And how it left confused and scared about who I could possibly be if I let the me who writes out in the world where writer me still doesn't exist.

      Thanks for the input. Writing is very subjective and maybe we're just looking at the different sides of the same coin.
      9. Page 1 of 2
  1. Sort Comments

    Sort Comments