As a human sometime we always want to seek perfection ,and i been seeking perfection for long time until i scared of doing even small mistake and i have serious anxiety .And it effect my work in the bad way as i scared of communicating with the customer . i keep of living with this kind of though until the feel heart is tired ,one day when i was watching a video it trigger me ,i started to think that maybe i should start loving myself.
i started to search for the way of how to really love myself ,and there is an meditation video about "love yourself" it was 30 day challenge. Due to curiosity i watch that video (the video was 4 hour so even if you listen until u sleep also can). my first day listening to the meditation i cry ,cause i realize that how much i hated myself ,focus on my weakness and how to avoid/destroy it ,when u think about that it like subconsciously telling yourself everyday that "u are ugly and stupid " and taken by how even scientist doing an experiment by grow two same tree but one of it grow by everyday insulting or telling bad word and the other one by telling good word or complimenting it .Then after a month past by the tree that have been insulting or bully have die while other have live with beautifully.
The point is ,the reason why i felt my heart tired is because i hated myself and telling myself that i am stupid everyday. And does not being grateful toward myself.When i learn to love myself and practicing it everyday by accepting that its okay to have the ugly side cause the ugly side is also beautiful. After that, i can feel my heart started to relax and rejuvenate, now i have the energy to continue working and i am happy .
I even feel grateful to be alive and the way i see the world is different now.There is no hatred, now my heart is full of loving myself . And i proud of it cause i feel liked i walked out of the gloomy castle . i feel like celebrating it.
Thank you for reading.