Devastation

I am devastated. To the likes that I have never felt before. I mean, who kills a main character. What writer is so heartless. I've just read up to the part of this book where one of the ten main characters died. In retrospect I'm both gladdened and saddened by the abundance of characters of focus. *deep sigh* About half of them are good and half them are bad. In this book the bad guys aren't really bad, just (in their mind) out of options. And the good guys are people who also see no other option. The defining difference being that one option is genocide and the other isn't.

The character I liked most, the character that died was probably the one with the most heart. All of them had the potential to thrive in a hostile environment of a post apocalyptic land. The ability to become more than who they once were when confined by the shackles of modern living. But the thing that made my favorite character my favorite was his physical weaknesses, his sad as sad can be backstory, and... and. Oh, there usually is a third thing, but I can't think of one. So perhaps there isn't one. I digress.

The good guys:
One was just your average guy, another your average girl, another a guy fighting with his inner self-doubt at every turn, and the last was a woman who had fought and won against her fears and lived a full life. But my favorite character, he was just getting started, showing what he was made of.

Maybe it was the best choice. Maybe it would have been too obvious if he didn't die. BUT STILL! UGH. WHYYYY! I can't help but be devastated. This feeling in my chest that I just can't shake off - a heaviness. It'll probably subside after I finish the story. Where I finally see how his death made it so it could end the way it did. *heavy sigh* Regardless, I will remain devastated for the meantime.

Can anyone relate?