"We're going out tomorrow. I'll swing by 9am. Good?"
That was my eldest sister, decisively dictating once again what's supposed to happen in my peaceful Sunday.
I thought hard what to reply. I thought real hard. Because I don't want to go out, to go far. It's the start of my long easter break and the thing I want to do most is recharge. Sleep. Or give time for myself to just roll around, dazed and without thoughts. It's an introvert thing.
"Okay," I replied.
What else is there to say? It's an important occasion to them and I can't ditch it. At the very least, my conscience won't let me.
But wow, I'm feeling inexplicably upset now at myself. I really want to refuse. I am incredibly reluctant to leave the comforts of my house, my bed. Yet, these words are stuck in my throat, I can't say them.
I can't say them.
I owe them my family some time. Not an obligation, really. But I do need to be there for them more. My presence alone makes a difference. Just one simple thing. That's what makes it so hard, knowing it's a simple thing makes it harder for me.
Do you know that feeling? Knowing something is so simple yet you can't even do it. Then, you'll feel bad about not being able to do that simple thing. Then, you'll feel bad about feeling bad. It's a feed back from hell. Constantly in loop.
This kind of moments really makes me remember that I'm so different from my siblings. They're all extroverts, curse them! Okay, not "curse them", that might be too much.
Anyway, it sucks, being the only introverted child among us. Despite my siblings' seemingly high socializing capabilities and empathy meter, there really are times when they just don't get it. They don't understand. They tried, I know they did. We all did. That's what family is.
But it's not enough. At the end of the day, we all compromise at something. This time, I got the short end of the stick.
Sigh. Why do people like going out much?