I'm finally sad enough to actually make this post...yay! I guess?
Well, first and foremost I'm not a native speaker, so bear with me.
I figured I would start with the most recent event:
The only person I consider my friend, suddenly stopped contacting me.
I don't have a phone right now, it broke right before the corona-crisis, so I tried writing to her via E-Mail and Wattpad (because I don't have any other social media...once again yay!). At first everything was well, we had nice conversations and everything, it was very fun, but I wanted to try something for a long time now, I had the idea of translating a novel myself, I had already found the novel I wanted to translate and even translated some chapters, so I asked her if she wanted to be my proofreader/ editor. At first she agreed, and I told her she could take her time with the chapters. I started sending the first two chapters to her, she responded with 'she was very tired' and would probably do it tomorrow, of course I agreed and told her not to worry, she didn't have to do them immediately, but I would send her two chapters everyday. She didn't respond to any of my messages after that, not the E-Mails nor the Wattpad messages. I have already sent her 10 chapters by now and even told her if she didn't want to do she could just tell me I won't be mad about something trivial like this, I also asked her if she was alright but got no response, I don't know what to do anymore...and I'm very sad, because I don't have any idea about what I did wrong ( I'm just a ball of insecurities by the way), but I still blame myself.
So did anyone experience something similar and knows what to do in this situation?
Now something different, if you feel like everything around you is shit and you're the same, what would you do?
I mean that all in an I-despise-my-whole-being-way, I don't feel loved in my family and I can't bring me to love, not even like, myself, and this has been going on for a few years now. I don't see and want a future for myself in this society, instead I thought of some other scenarios I could live with, grade from most likely and favorite to the least likely:
1.) I end it before it begins (the latest would be at the age of twenty, I'm 16), 2.) I try very hard to become an artist (unlikely but I would actually love this), 3.) I become a nun, 4.) and lastly I join the military.
And now for the finale of this post, I'm part of an awesome class, where I had a mental break down at the end of my first year , and the beginning of the second year, I also don't know what happened, but it seems like the first friend I made at that school, suddenly had a change of mind at the end of the first year and broke of all relations with me, and I didn't do anything except for inviting her to a (kind of) birthday party, where we would go eat, and then go to the cinema (all that with the other friend already mentioned in this post), which she refused on the same day it was supposed to happen (I was also not mad at her, even though she did that). And lastly my grades are dropping, my parents, that never actually cared that much about what I did, and instead gave me a ton of irrational fears, are extremely angry with me, but I can't get myself to do anything and I often simulate sickness to stay at home (even though it's also not that great), because if truth be told I would be more than glad to stay back a year and join my sister's class (that's how awful the only-girls-classmates of mine are), but my teachers are also mad at me and I feel bad for doing this, but just can't stop doing it. And one of the reasons I came up with was, I could potentially achieve anything, and would still only get a bit of praise, and a few jokes about it, while nobody really cares.
Anyone feel/felt something similar?
How did you deal with it?