Grumpy and Awkward <3, Female
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Can I say how true the song is? Because honestly, that's what people always tell me, that my taste sucks.

I don't know if I'm simply too.... prejudiced to boys who are too cute. But I have this teeenyyyy little bit trust issue towards them.

When my friends saw the boys I call cute, they were like, "Vanka, they're----. Okay," they sigh. There are some rare times where they all agree with me though, lollll.

I'm never shy in complimenting someone, be it their skills or looks. Someone even thought that I liked a boy because I once said that he's cute. If I like everyone whom I said cute, I'll have countless heartbreaks. Not that I'm saved from that thing though *counting my heartbreaks.

Sometimes it's weird. Liking someone can be very exciting, confusing, and scary at the same time. The feelings you get when they pass in front of you or when you accidentally exchange stares, it's not that hard to describe, but sometimes, it feels like there are butterflies on your stomach. But also, knowing that you'll never be able to end with them or even start a story with them, the pain is like a dull knife slowly inserted inside your heart.

Liking someone is just that confusing. To be really honest, I've never dated anyone. It's either a one sided feeling, or, the story ends before it could even be started. If you ask me if that stresses me, then no, it doesn't. I have enough novels, projects, competitions, and homeworks, to be stressed about. But it does make me wonder sometimes, wondering whether I'm really not good enough. Well, sometimes one has to admit their flaws and I'm 100.000.000 steps away from being flawless. It's always hard to admit and acknowledge the things you did wrong. It also applies to me.

Anyway, since I want to talk about my -pathetic- romance stories here, I figured out that maybe I should take a deep breath, lol. I'm currently listening to a song, and one of the lyrics said something like she's grateful to him for everything.

I'm grateful to the people -in my case, my past crushes- who have allowed me to be who I currently am. Maybe they don't have any major effects to my life and my personality, but every little thing counts.

I remember I kept asking this boy in front of me his paper so I could write poems. Oh God, I feel so guilty right now. He must be very annoyed. Anyway, he has a pair of beautiful eyes, they shine. Like, seriously, caramel-like eyes, maybe? Anyway, they are of light colors, unlike mine. I remember I cried not because he didn't like me, but because I compared myself with another girl and wondered why I couldn't be like her.

I also remember a boy, who texted me and I mistook him for a girl. I thought he was Sister A but it turned out to be him. Then he becomes one of my worst heartbreaks. We are fine now. I'm no longer hurt and it seems like he has forgotten what he told me that night, "Let's not meet again,". After my feelings fade, I became upset one day, because I keep failing to enter the national level of X Competition -the place where I met him-, then I remembered what he said then I was like, "GOD TRULY LOVES HIM." We truly never meet again, and I keep failing to get into the national level. Amazing. What's even more amazing, is that I've just got this realization less than a year ago. FRICKING AMAZING. My heartbreak happened years ago.

Liking and loving someone is always complicated. Because love is never enough. I sometimes see guys complaining about their girlfriends who want marriage then when their gfs leave the relationship, they get angry. I can understand the pain. But I also understand their girlfriends. The pressure is great, ofc, this maybe because I'm an Asian. But people can be very harsh. I also want marriage, ofc not without preparations, but I'm not gonna stay in a relationship where my partner doesn't want to or refuse to marry me.

My opinion doesn't apply to those who commit to marry in x years then suddenly leave. It's purely just for those who don't want to and refuse to discuss about it -about their marriage plan with their partners-.

I wanted to put another song inside this blog. But I really can't remember which one, maybe I'll add it here later if I could remember it. This blog was supposed to be about the song and the truth about it, but it has now changed to be quite serious. I didn't expect it, lol.

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