Help please! Toxic friendship!



Well-Known Member, Female
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So have you heard about toxic friends? I think I might be in a toxic friendship.
So I got this friend I have known for since 10 years. We met in second grade and became best friends. Unfortunately after that we weren't assigned same classrooms until this year. So while we stayed friends we didn't study in the same classrooms.

At first I was ecstatic but lately I have realized that she's been clinging on to me. Whenever I tried to talk to some other person she would come in between. It didn't happen once or twice but many times. If I am being too friendly with someone else she would come stand between us and then things would become awkward. At first I didn't think much of it but after this happening multiple times I began to think as if she's cutting me off from the rest of the people.

During class she absolutely had to sit next to me. If I changed my seat even for a minute it would make her unhappy. If she ever see me talking and laughing with others she would then ask me what we were talking about. She didn't like me being friends with others. I don't think a friendship can go on like this. We ate clearly very close and share every single thing.

I don't know when but recently I started feeling suffocated with her. I know she's my best friend but that doesn't mean I cut off from making friends or talking with others. I lost my temper at her for this several times. I felt guilty at shouting at her too and apologised but somewhere I think our friendship has become toxic. So I decided to maintain some distance from her. I don't want to hurt her feelings. She's my best friend but our friendship is becoming toxic.

So how can I tell this to her without hurting her. I think she may have a little inferiority complex. Sometimes i think that I am just being dramatic but sometimes i think that our friendship isn't healthy. I don't want to lose our friendship. Or am I just being dramatic and overreacting? Advise please.


    1. CreativeCriticalThinker Sep 25, 2022 at 9:55 AM
      True Friends have to be really honest and able to communicate with each other.
      There is no point of becoming a safe non-challenging yes-man.
      A healthy friendship is based on respecting and uplifting each other instead being an emotional parasite.
      It doesn't matter how long you ve known each other; what matters is that you ve grown together equally.
      Maybe you've just outgrown your toxic friend and it's time to let her go.
      Before you can genuinly take care of others, you need to prioritize your mental health first!
      sleepandeatallday likes this.
    2. LurkerIsBack Sep 24, 2022 at 4:50 PM
      A long time ago, i didn't apologized to my friend and lost my opportunity after he moved away and lost contact. So i think this is great you apologized when you feel the need so you don't regret it later.
      I never had a friend like yours so i can't really advice you. Trying to talk to her is indeed a option, just that reality may not always be that easy. She may feel wronged and betrayed. A soft approach is needed in my opinion.
      According to your comment, she looks too clingy but it shows also just how you are precious and important to her.
      I think observing how she behaves socially usually in the classroom will be important. To be honest just because someone is the friend of your friend doesn't necessarily mean you will get along with them. That's a situation i meet more than once. Does she have other close friends she get along beside you in the classroom? How about to try to add another friend that can get along with her (same hobbies for example) so that you two don't always stay alone? At first you three can try to hang out together and then give them opportunities to interact more often so she opens to others.

      Well, don't know if it will help you but wish you good luck!
      sleepandeatallday likes this.
    3. sleepandeatallday Sep 23, 2022 at 2:24 AM
      Thank you! I would try talking to her.
      ScyllaNeil likes this.
    4. ScyllaNeil Sep 23, 2022 at 2:18 AM
      Worrying about hurting her when she clearly doesn't see the need to do so for you shows you're in a toxic relationship indeed.
      In order for you to not regret, be sure you understand where she's coming from first. Since immediate confrontation and anger doesn't clearly work on her, how about you try and tell her calmly and softly?

      You can start with, "Youre important to me so I want to understand why you're doing this. Do you feel like you'll lose me when I make other friends?" Something like that?

      I have never met this kind of situation before but make sure you're not upset when you talk to her. It can make you be in better control of the conversation.
      sleepandeatallday likes this.
    5. Issis Sep 22, 2022
      You are not being dramatic or overreacting.
      And try to talk to her, ask her why she's being like that! And get some space too, after talking to her about it.
      sleepandeatallday and ScyllaNeil like this.
    6. hypersniper159 Sep 22, 2022
      no matter what you will hurt her since it seems like she's a drama queen. they blow things out of proportion. But i don't think you should apologies for yelling at her, but.. just try talking to her although this could be a chance for her to emotionally abuse you also by telling you some pity story. think the best option is avoid her/get more space.

      Also maybe post this in general chat in the forums? more people will see it there and give you more advice.