Outside the Box - #9 - Tired and Torn

I'm an Introvert.

Not just an Introvert, but a hardcore Introvert. I just don't feel comfortable interacting with people most of the time. I like to stay in my little shell, my little world, and do my thing. In fact, It's to the point that almost never talk to anyone in real life. I just go about my day as if I'm alone. Because most of the time, I am.
It's amazing how you can be in a crowd full of people, but be all alone.

Now, there are probably some of you reading this and thinking "Pffft! Bullcrap! Osa's always getting into people's business". And That's True to. They both are. The former is my "natural" self, just a Shy, Awkward-man that would rather be by himself than have to talk to a stranger, and the latter....well the latter is just NUF.
Now, I don't mean I am pretending to be someone on NUF, but rather that is just what NUF does to me.
Something about this place... It pulls on things I thought I burned and buried long along. It makes me want to walk around, see what people are doing, see people smile, have a good time, and just chat.

It's a strange feeling. Both wanting to run away and hide, and at the same time always wondering what someone is doing, feeling like I missing out if I'm not there all the time. Maybe even with as Introverted as I am, I still on some level craved that interaction with people. Maybe I was so lonely and starved for it that when I finally found a place I could sate that craving, I gorged myself till I was ready to burst, like a starved lion at a fresh meal. and as a result, I didn't just give myself a stomachache, maybe I became addicted to it as well, a Glutton so terrified by the memory of what it was like to be starved, he ate himself sick.

So end the end, I'm torn between the two,
the Introverted self who just wants to rest and be alone.
and the starving heart that's terrified of being left alone.

Hahahaha, It's a bit Ironic, right?

But in the end, all we can do it keep on walking.
one step at a time. one foot in front of the other.
Just have to keep pressing on, and maybe I'll find what I'm looking for.
Because the only other option is to stop.
and that's not an option at all.