I just want to get this off my chest.
I have never liked dreams because they usually turn into nightmares. Sometimes my dreams bring up weird shit that I would rather forget. You know for example those kinds of dreams that you don't know whether they are real or fake. Or the ones that fuck up you some by bringing memories that you don't want to remember. Or the ones that bring fear and despair to you.
Over the years my nightmares have decreased, but they still pop up once in awhile and they really fuck me up. Once I wake up, I usually feel a sense of loss, despair, fear, anger, anxiety, or guilt.
I usually I have two types of nightmares: the loss of a loved one and terrors. By terrors I mean those dreams that are kind of like those of Elm Street.
For now I will focus on my nightmares that bring me terror.
One of my most recent nightmares have to do with the typical cliche: Aliens.
This particular nightmare still brings me fear and anxiety. And the real shitty part is that I had similar dream the first one. Here goes my first part of my nightmare:
I was sleeping. When all of sudden I wake up the sound of the sound of static reverberating in near my room. The static was similar to that of a radio static. Getting out of my grogginess I try to get out of my bed, but I can’t. My whole body is paralyzed. I try to move with all my might, but to no avail. While I was struggling the static keeps getting louder. Then it completely stops. A giant ball of white light begins to shine out in my window. The static then comes on in full blast once again. I don't know why,but the white light instills into me fear. My instincts are screaming at me “Danger! Danger! Danger! You are going to die”.
I keep struggling to get up on my feet while calling for my mom. However, I only muffled sounds come out. The ball of light is just there outside the window floating somehow making my fear increase. I finally managed to speak. What comes out are only echoes. I keep calling out for my mom and there is no response. My sense of danger keeps increasing. I once again try to reach my baseball bat for protection and I still can't reach it or move. I try to get my pocket knife and I finally manage to move by falling out of my bed.
I am assaulted by a sense of powerlessness. I try to crawl towards my door, but my consciousness begins to fade away. The static stops again and I hear my window open. I try to look back, but I can’t. My heart's pounding with all its might like it's about to jump off my chest. Then I blackout.
What really fucked me over was that I regained consciousness in that nightmare. Have you seen those movies where a person is being operated and their consciousness is fading in and out? Well that happened to me in the nightmare. I saw blurry images of people standing over me. I felt something holding my head. Its felt like I was in the dentist. I tried to struggle and something similar to a hand covered my face. And then I woke up.
*
I had a similar dream to the first one, but this time the white ball was in my mother’s room. This time I managed to get up from my bed and get my bat. When I entered mom's room I was blinded by a white light, however I still saw some vague humanoid figures. My sense of danger maxed out when I saw those figures. After that I felt as if gravity increases and I collapsed. I felt something cold touch my head and then I fainted.
*
This nightmare really fucked me up. It really came out of nowhere. I mean I had some minor nightmares in the past year, but both of this were the first major nightmare I had this year. When I woke up from them I was all sweaty with my heart beating wildly. Even when I am writing this I am trembling.
I really felt like I was going to die. I mean that sense of death it can even be compared to some of the near death experiences I have had over the years. I really hate this feeling.
In the end I just wanted to share this with you guys. Why? I heard that writing out your experiences and sharing them sometimes helps in terms of coping with things. This year has been shitty in terms of nightmares.
Want to know something funny? Both of this nightmares can't even compare to the ones I've had recently. I just want the year to be done.
