And I don't know how to be better

you're nice. you're so nice, with your surety and gentle voice, knowing which
words to skip and which to break apart, which to roll over the board, flattening it
with a rolling pin, doing it again, which to bake in the oven, watch it rise, rise,
rise, taken out, icing being put on and decorated with flowers. which to put on
display. which to wear so nicely. so nice. not me. į stare at your words, watch
how you decorate it so intricately, hands so careful, so steady, my stomach
turns queasy, dying, hating. and į take them, I take what I can and fill my
pockets with it. they fill my shoes too, every inch of the soul. I walk around with
them, heavy as rocks, and I'm so tired. I'm so tired and į eat them. you are so
much of me till į don't recognize who I am anymore. I hide behind the fortress
you built and you don't even realize the fraud į am. you don't even know who's
your shadow.
you're so nice, but I hate myself around you.