Assuming goodwill - "What do people think of me?"

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Loni4ever

The Fluffy White Wolf, Female
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I just read this post by @Nyann titled "People don't think of you as lowly as you think they do" and it reminded me of sth useful I'd like to share.

It's the habit of assuming goodwill.

Oftentimes we ask ourselves what someone could have meant by a certain remark or action. We're undecided between the positive, neutral and negative options of interpretations, assigning them equal probability of being true. Or more like it'd be great already if that was the case - cause one's tendency to pick the negative ones by default can be quite strong.

I oftentimes find myself automatically thinking somewhat negatively about things I'm uncertain about in social interaction. There's almost never conclusive info to base those negative thoughts on though. It's just my brain running along the same track again and again out of habit, picking the ":blobawkward:" pathways just because they're familiar xD.

Thankfully, I came across this concept called "assuming goodwill". In a YouTube reddit video on relationships hahaha xD it basically means to assume the other person thinks well of you. If there are multiple interpretations and no conclusive info, you only choose amongst the ones that are neutral or even positive.

The redditor who made the post said sth along these lines to his wife to convey what he meant: "If there's something I say or do that makes you uncomfortable, and there's different ways to think about it, please choose the one that doesn't hurt you. I may not be aware of your thoughts and feelings and act perfectly all the time but I would never knowingly do anything to hurt you."

This made a lot of sense to me. Particularly if it's someone you're really close to and have a strong bond with: they love you, care about you and would never knowingly hurt your feelings. Most of the time, it's more of an issue of different communication styles, them being unaware of what you think or you reading too much into their comments or actions.

And how could it not be like this - human interaction is complex. There can be a lot of nuances to notice, various ways to say sth or different words to choose that change depending on the person in question. With all this uncertainty and complexity, it's immensely helpful for one's emotional health to simply screen out a few unpleasant interpretations. To simply assume - unless explicitly stated otherwise - that they mean well. That, even if their words or actions may leave room for doubt, they like and care about you.

You assume goodwill.

This idea is very soothing and relieving to me. On the one hand, because it makes it easier to avoid doubting and worrying; I can stay aware of someone's underlying affection and care towards me even if there's friction on the surface. On the other hand, it would make interaction a lot easier for me if I knew others did the same. I know that I sometimes don't express myself well. I may come across as more unfriendly or criticizing than I really mean to be, or generally cause misunderstandings because communication leaves a lot of room for interpretation. It's almost like taking a weight off my shoulders. I won't have to be as careful to avoid hurting others because by assuming goodwill from me, they will protect themselves from any hurt I may accidentally cause them :blobmelt:.

In short, it's great for everyone :blob_grin:.

Of course, this can not only be applied with people you're close with, where you know they like and care about you, but others too. It's awesome... like you added a softening warm colored filter to how you view interacting with others xD


So yeah, this is something I wanted to share in case someone finds it useful. It certainly is for me :blobxd:


If you came this far, here's a cookie for you :cookie: well, if you read or just scrolled to the end, either way xD... have a nice day~

You, Kalto, Bad Storm and 8 others like this.

Comments

    1. Loni4ever Dec 7, 2019
      @Scar waah senpai~ ikr, I love little useful ideas :aww: xD
      Scar likes this.
    2. Scar Dec 7, 2019
      Takes awhile to realize but very true. I’m glad that you’re coming across useful information, Kouhai ;)
      Loni4ever likes this.
    3. Tofu Cat Dec 6, 2019
      @Loni4ever for real life ‘sneaky’ eye rolls!
      as for emoji... most of the time that emoji is between me and my babes and there’s no hostile intent :D the main thing is hostile intent I’d say...
      Loni4ever likes this.
    4. Loni4ever Dec 6, 2019
      @Tofu Cat haha does that go only for rl eyerolls or the eyeroll emoji too? xD
    5. Tofu Cat Dec 6, 2019
      I always assume goodwill, until a person acts very obviously hostile or ssssnakey towards me... for examples, eyerolls... screw that!
      Loni4ever likes this.
    6. Silver Snake Dec 4, 2019
      @Loni4ever The other blogs prior were quite short you see. It was a nice change of pace.
      AMissingLinguist and Loni4ever like this.
    7. Loni4ever Dec 4, 2019
      @Nyann I am honored to hear you're honored :blobmelt: xD *gives cookie*

      @Silver Snake is it normal for you to enjoy the length of a text rather than its content? :blobjoy:
      AMissingLinguist and Nyann like this.
    8. Nyann Dec 4, 2019
      I am honored to be mentioned in your first blog :blobmelt:
      AMissingLinguist and Loni4ever like this.