Circles

Author

AliceShiki

『Ms. Tree』『Magical Girl of Love and Justice』, Female
Messages:
24,650
Likes:
98,370
Points:
834
Blog Posts:
140
Joining a new community is a bit of a weird experience.

It's like... You go there, enter, start talking, having fun... And after a few minutes, you start to notice a few relationships between people, who is close to whom, who is far from whom... At first it is a slow thing, and you might make misunderstandings... Steadily, but surely, you start getting things better though, you start mingling in and... Joining into the circles of the people you interact more with.

But... Do you really?

I mean, we become close friends after a while and feel really happy by being together, but at the same time... You didn't necessarily enter their circle.

Everyone has their own circles, and you definitely build your own as time passes, but the old people can many many times, not consider you a part of that circle that they carefully created long before you joined.

It is so strange... What makes someone part of my circle, and what makes me part of their circle... I don't think there is a proper explanation to that, but I think people feel it pretty well...
Or at least... Those that feel without a circle do.

It's kinda like... Feeling alone while surrounded by friends? That's what it feels when nobody of your circle is near you. You are happy, the people near you are happy, you are laughing... And you are... Absolutely lonely.

This is not a quick process, it doesn't happen in a single day for you to be all merry merry to suddenly being sort of happy, but lonely. But it happens...

I think the people that we meet first when we join have a lot of influence on us. They start as simple friends and slowly become something more, we create bonds, attachment, something special... And other people can't become that special, because they don't have that special feeling those people that took you in have.

Then what happens when those people leave? I made a previous blog post about Loneliness and it is very closely related to this. It just... Isn't the same when everyone you knew is gone.

I mean, it shouldn't be lonely, you are full of people that are your friends, you're talking together, you're playing together, you're having fun together... Some in particular may also have a special spot in your heart... But you can still feel lonely.

The most annoying part, is that there is no real explanation for it... It just... Is. The circle is simply not complete without those people, and when they're no longer there, you start feeling out of place.

I lost count of how many times I suddenly thought that I had no reason to remain in a certain place... Everyone was gone. There were new people there, new friends... But still... Those special people were gone... I was like... What am I even doing here? Why am I spending so much time here? This feels like a hassle.

That is the word... Hassle. Staying time with my friends suddenly felt like a hassle. Not because I didn't like them, but because I wanted to be with other people... Who simply... Weren't there.

It's not impossible to expand your circle, to get people that were once outside it inside... But it certainly isn't an easy effort. And even then, there are some attacks of loneliness that might come from time to time...

I wonder how to solve that... How to make your special circle become bigger? I think I might be considered part of the circle of a fair number of people, but how many of them do I consider part of mine? It's hard to know, even I am unsure of who are the people that I consider in it... But I know that some people just can't be substituted, and that I keep on missing them years after they're gone... It's just so... Annoying.

It's kinda like when your boyfriend breaks up with you, his memories keep on coming back to your head, no matter how much you want to forget, no matter how much you want to move on, he just refuses to leave, refuses to go away, just keeps on staying with you for months, years, who knows how long... Good memories are really hard to forget. They keep on haunting us no matter how much we want them to stay in the past.

And I mean... Good memories aren't bad, they're great, they're good for a reason after all... But they can still hurt... Rather, I think they can hurt a lot more than the bad ones, for they make us realize they're just... Memories. Memories of something that is long gone, memories of a circle that is now broken, memories of people that are no longer around...

It's quite tiring I think, to feel lonely even when we're in company of people we enjoy... But there isn't much that we can do about it either... We can only hang on and try to adapt I guess... If only adapting was easy... Haa...

Permalink
You, HNCKrstl, Bad Storm and 8 others like this.

Comments

    1. xilainia Feb 25, 2018
      When you walk in a new community like NUF, it can be impressive and you can be a little like... intimidated. For me. But there was some people who extend their hand and help you adapting. but you will always feel a little insecurity and I think it's normal because with this, we always think of how can I last this relationship and make good memory. Good memory can hurt a little because of the nostalgia but we have to move to make a lot of other good memory and later tell them at the new friend we make.
      Sorry if it's not comprehensive but I just spoke what I was thinking after reading this.
      AliceShiki likes this.
    2. EROgeX Feb 23, 2018
      Sometime Somewhere

      I believe

      Each of us would find a place where we truly belong.
    3. Fossil Feb 22, 2018
      @AliceShiki, it’s only the rambling of a teenager with few friends because he never got their contact info!

      *hugs back*
      AliceShiki likes this.
    4. AliceShiki Feb 22, 2018
      *hugs @Fossil* Seems about right! ^^)/
      Fossil likes this.
    5. Fossil Feb 22, 2018
      *that moment when everything keeps making you think of Rewrite*

      I swear I’m ill with some kind of disease! Anyway, the reason this made me think of Rewrite is because Rewrite starts off similarly, at least the VN does. Kotarou is friends with everyone, but not a part of any actual circle. Then, slowly, he starts making his own circle with the Occult Research Club. Then, at some point down the line, everything falls apart. On the bad end, everyone disappears leaving you alone and feeling empty again. For a good end, you only manage to keep contact with one or two people, which is good, but you’re still struggling to find the others and reach out to them.

      The point is that life is about finding your circle in a sense, drawing people close to you who you care for and won’t let go. Eventually you may give out your actual contact information here, maybe you won’t. If you do, hold onto the other person’s and never let it go since relationships are fragile. With a single slip-up, everything can change.

      At least that’s what I learned through my play through. @Naraku can add his testament since I know that he played it too.
      AliceShiki likes this.
    6. Osamaru Feb 22, 2018
      @AliceShiki ^__^ remember what you told me about overthinking? *patpatpat*
      Well, honestly, its a natural thing. We just have to surround ourselves with people that can hold us up when those thoughts want to drag us down.

      @LiF3tim3 orz... I can totally relate to that.
      LiF3tim3 and AliceShiki like this.
    7. AliceShiki Feb 22, 2018
      @Osamaru Yeah, most of the time it doesn't bother me much... But at others I just... Start overthinking things.

      @LiF3tim3 *giggles* Thanks!
      LiF3tim3 and Osamaru like this.
    8. LiF3tim3 Feb 21, 2018
      I read a book that had a MC that was rather useless at comforting someone but would always be patting there back and say "There, There". Well

      *Pat pat* "There, There Ms." ^^
      Osamaru and AliceShiki like this.
      9. Page 1 of 2
  1. Sort Comments

    Sort Comments