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I'm not really in the mood for writing a post in the informational format, so today we're going to throw that all out of the window and I'm just going to write a normal blog!
The topic of today's post can be summed up by this image:
And a cute little kiddie version:
Yup, you guessed it: today we're going to talk about the superbly awkward bro hugs!
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Anyhow, lately I've been posting exclusively on my otokonoko account (mostly because of my ScribbleHub novel), so I've gone completely inactive on my G.I.R.L accounts. In fact, I don't really think I've used any of my female accounts since 2018? It's getting close to half a month, which if you think about it, is an absurdly amount of time for me since I've basically only used female personas online ever since I was a teenager. >.<
There's one really big thing that I miss about being female online.
And that thing is.......
The casual hugs!
Now, before I start, guys can hug too. There's absolutely nothing wrong with guys hugging, and these days I hug people all the time IRL too. I think it's really nice that in the past decade or so, it's become more and more normal for guys to give a nice hug as a greeting or goodbye. However, apart from that, it's still pretty taboo for there to be any kind of platonic skin-ship apart from that. Heck, even with hugs, plenty of guys are really awkward with it, but what do you expect?
In either case, there's a few things that are different about being a guy than being a girl online, and it's something that always frustrates me a little on the inside, since I'm still the same person whether the gender in my profile is male or female.
My feelings are still the same, you know? Even if I can't express them as a guy.
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The thing about presenting as male online is that homophobia runs deep in masculine culture.
Although I grew up in a fairly progressive area, I still spent my childhood listening to guys throwing "fag" insults at each other. I think most guys in my generation can probably relate to something similar. Getting called gay was the worst possible insult in the vocabulary that circulated around young boys, and in some cases, had really negative consequences including bullying (but that's a bit off topic for today).
I mean, this was the heyday of the #nohomo hashtag:
Anyhow, old sentiments die really really really hard.
There's a lot of times when I want to give *hugs* to somebody, but then I delete it immediately after typing it because I question myself when I'm using this account (or any male persona). There are several reasons for this:
If it's a guy I want to hug, they might see it as gay and be creeped out.
If it's a girl I want to hug, they might see it as stalkerish and still be creeped out.
Of course, this only applies to initiating casual hugs without warning.
If someone hugged you first, hugging back is never a problem.
However, I really miss the affection that just comes so naturally with using a female persona online.
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You might totally cringe at seeing this, but one of my earliest female online personas was super hug-hug-y. This version of me was like on a constant sugar rush, lol.
The following is real footage from the Internet (on ask.fm) (from 2011? 2012?) featuring me hugging a male friend.... TwT
Honestly, one of the biggest appeals of having a female persona online was the ease at which it was to perform cheerleading for the people you like.
I actually had a lot of male friends that I admired in some way or another, and it was a whole lot easier for me to express how much affection I had for them in a platonic way. I wanted to support them in their dreams/goals/everydaylife, and honestly it was such a relief for me to completely throw away the filter that I had (as a guy) on what types of interactions were okay and not okay with other men.
All of a sudden, it was easy to convey my sincere feelings without worrying about looking cool or buff. This was a really revolutionary time for me during my gender identity exploration period, in the sense that I realized that being cold and emotionless as a guy totally sucks.
I mean, every cool dude wants to look like this:
But in order to maintain that kind of image, dude u gotta be #nohomo!
Looking soft and fluffy and warm is totally against the rules!
Actually, if you act like an asshole it gives you some bonus #badboy points so you should be extra asshole-y so that you can impress your fellow bros with how big and muscular your **** is!
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Ahh... I'm getting a little carried away, aren't I?
Anyhow, I miss hugs.
Oh, by the way, I'm not nearly as cringe-y as I was back in 2011 anymore XD
Actually, currently my "female" self and "male" self basically behave exactly the same (although girl-ohko gives *hugs* a little bit more casually), but part of that is just growing up with age too.
An otokonoko wonders about stuff #10
Author
ohko
【LGBTQ+ association】 【ohko is ohko!】
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