Crack fic: The Dungeon Part 2



All powerful magic grammar hamster queen. Evil?, Female
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Crack fic. Any resemblance to real people is intentional. Will not be posted on AO3.

Note: I give Melodious Nocturne a problem in this story. I do not know if he actually feels this way or not, it’s just supposed to be a silly story.

The Dungeon Part 2

Melodious Nocturne was once again chained up in Nara9’s dungeon, only this time, instead of being chained to the wall completely, he just had a chain around his ankle. Fellow Adventurer had done her the favor of capturing Demyx at her request. It had been too easy. Melodious Nocturne was too mopey to fight back against the shapeshifting, lurking might of Fellow Adventurer.

Nara9 knew about what had happened: how Demyx had been cornered by two Nuffians, and had been almost forced into women’s clothes. When he called for help, almost no one came, and among those who did, most came to watch the show. He’d finally been rescued by the mighty Crazy Daisy, with some help from Magical Anaconda. Nara9 herself had been pigbunnynapped and unable to do anything but protest.

Zong brought over several cups of milk and tea, balancing the tray above his head, and yet somehow not spilling the drinks as he hopped. Handsome Catto, Nara9’s newest pet, had a tray of very special cookies upon his back. OwO)o

Saiki and Cani, Nara9’s two children, quickly helped set the round wooden kitchen table Nara9 had had brought down to the dungeon. Anra7777 probably wouldn’t miss it… much.

Nara9 gestured from her plush seat, and her five helpers quickly sat down, leaving one chair open.

“Well, DemDem?” She carefully picked up a cookie and waved it at him. “Aren’t you going to sit down?”

“Snowy… (。 ́︿ ̀。)” Melodious Nocturne recognized the snowman cookie, the one that reminded him of Nouveau Cucumber’s snowman he’d… “improved.”

He sat down, and Cani pushed a glass of milk, a cup of tea, and a snowman cookie at him.

Before Melodious Nocturne could grab the cookie, Cani took Cani’s hand back.

“I’ve changed my mind. Maybe I’ll keep it. *smirk*” Cani singsonged. At Melodious Nocturne’s watery eyes, and Nara9’s stern stare, Cani quickly gave in and returned the cookie.

“Cookie! ( ^ω^ )”

It was Saiki who broke the silence next. “Friend DemDem!” She mediated. “You’ve seemed sad the past few days. You can talk to us. You know that Mama will always help you!”

“( ・᷄ὢ・᷅ )” Melodious Nocturne gave her a look of pure disbelief. “Why am I in chains then?” He mumbled.

“They’re chains of love/friendship! ꉂꉂ(つ≧▽≦ )( ^・ᆺ・)?” Saiki confidentially declared.

Melodious Nocturne nibbled at the cookie, recognizing the high quality taste of an Oreotea cookie, and reluctantly spoke:

“It’s just…”

Handsome Catto impatiently meowed: “ÒwÒ)/ Meow! Get on with it already! Huggle attack!”

Nara9 hurriedly prevented Handsome Catto from attacking Melodious Nocturne, and waited to hear what he had to say.

“Zexy.” MN finally got out.

“What about him?”

Melodious Nocturne pointed to “The Dungeon Part 1.”

“Zexy promised he’d save me when I needed him and that he’d always be here for me. But… not only has he been ignoring me for weeks, when I needed rescuing he… he…” Melodious Nocturne sniffled. “Ignored my call for help.”

“-_-;;;” Nara9 was speechless. Was this really what had been bothering DemDem?

“Just put him on your ignore list,” Fellow Adventurer unlurked and suggested. “Then you won’t have to think about him ignoring you.”

“You know that Ghostruin was going to help you find the real Zexion.” Nara9 sipped her tea. “It’s too bad he’s been MIA except for his birthday for over a month now.”

“(´;ω;`) And it seems like he’s married! I saw him talk to someone about being a bad husband!”

“*sigh* That’s because Sparkle Mickey is not Zexion. We should get off this topic quickly, or this story will be too depressing and not comedic enough.” Nara9 put a paw to her head to massage the migraine away.

“Mama,” Saiki tried to whisper, but which came out as more of a stage one. “You shouldn’t be so untruthful. We all know you set this party up to cheer up Friend DemDem! It’s just too bad that Nouveau Cucumber and Magical Anaconda weren’t able to come.”

“Who’s trying to cheer up whom?” Nara9 snapped tsunishly. “I need him as inspiration for my stories and because he’s fun to torture. That’s all. T^T”

“Yes, Mama,” Saiki hugged Nara9, a knowing glint in her eyes. “We understand.”

Cani moved the plate of cookies and put them closer to Nara9, to Melodious Nocturne’s visible distress: “QωQ”

“Here, Mama.”

Nara9 accepted the tribute—*cough* cookies, and picked up another one to eat.

Zong giggled at Melodious Nocturne’s expression and took a cookie for himself.

As Nara9 nom-ed the cookie, considering her next move, the room began to tremble.

“Earthquake?” Fellow Adventurer said doubtfully.

A loud defeating voice filled the room, although it was clearly coming from outside:

“Good Morning Bitches! Time to hustle!”

Everyone paled.

“G-giant!” Nara9 squeaked. Everyone scattered: Nara9 summoning Mister Tyger to act as her mount, Zong hopping up behind her; Handsome Catto ran as fast as possible to his big sis, Good Weather’s, place, where he knew he’d be safe; Saiki picked up Cani and together with Fellow Adventurer, they ran out as quickly as possible.

Poor Melodious Nocturne, left chained in the dungeon once more, dove under the table, bringing the plate of cookies with him.

He bit into one worriedly.

Next thing he knew, the dungeon was flooded with sunlight, as the roof was taken off.

Melodious Nocturne dared to peek:

“^.^” He saw the friendly face of Homme Sauveur.

“Want some pancakes?” She offered, showing him the fluffiest, most mouthwatering pancakes in the world, with maple syrup and bacon on the side.

“!! ( ^ω^ )” He replied. “Yes, please!”

“Let me just get that for you.” She casually broke the chain keeping him in the dungeon, her friend, Little Doggy, flying down and landing on his shoulder.

“Have we found someone else for pancakes?” Butterflybush popped his head out from behind Homme Sauveur’s leg, in his arms his daughter, Dinobad, gurgled happily: “(~^o^)”

“I thought we were looking for tjbanana?” Butterflybush continued upon seeing Melodious Nocturne.

“Well, we didn’t find him, but we found this new friend.” Homme Sauveur joyfully thundered.

Little Doggy wagged her tail furiously, smelling of soap.

Dinobad wriggled out of her father’s arms and crawled over to the abandoned table, somehow managing to climb up onto one to the chairs.

“Well, I guess we’re eating here.” Butterflybush helplessly conceded.

Homme Sauveur carefully sat down and distributed the food, everyone getting a full stack of pancake-y goodness, bacon, and orange juice.

Melodious Nocturne wavered between his instinct to hide the remaining cookies, or to share them with these new friends.

At last, he held out a single cookie to the group.

Dinobad took it immediately: “(+p+)”

Reluctantly, he pulled another one off the plate.

This time Little Doggy swooped down and eagerly took it.

Inwardly sighing, he pulled out another one…

“^.^ Thanks.” Homme Sauveur took the cookie.

Melodious Nocturne reached down one last time, but… there were no more cookies!

“。:゚(。ノω\。)゚・。” He started crying.

“I-I wasn’t hungry anymore. Q.Q” Butterflybush comforted.

Melodious Nocturne was more upset that he’d run out of cookies for himself than about not having enough to give away.

And so, after parting with his new friends, he went to the coffeehouse in order to work to earn munny to buy cookies.

But Oreotea’s coffeehouse was closed!

Will Melodious Nocturne be able to get more cookies?

Find out next time (highly unlikely there will be a next time) on “The Dungeon,” your source for Nuffian parodies!

Post Credits Scene:

*wheeze* *wheeze*

Mysterious Voice: You know you have it in you: kill the porgs.

*wheeze* *wheeze* have done well my apprentice, embrace your anger, your rage, Donald Porg wanted your cookies.....

*wheeze* *wheeze*


    1. Nyann Dec 8, 2019
      @Anra7777 omg it said "Psyche" all the way??!! I imagined her name to get pronounced as "Six" ....
    2. Anra7777 Dec 8, 2019
      @Feli In English, “psy” is pronounced as “sai.” “X”’can have a few different pronunciations, but I imagine it as between a “k” and “z” sounds so the “xy” becomes “kzi.” (For “Psyx,” I imagine just the k sound.) Similar enough to “ki,” sort of. I’m pretty sure the whole reason Saiki’s name is “Saiki” is as a pun for “psychic.”

      But I’m not the best at pronouncing things, so I could be waaaay off on the right way to pronounce “Psyx” and “Psyxy.”
      felidormit likes this.
    3. felidormit Dec 8, 2019
      ahh, i see!
      (cause my brain always giving me a different sound for Psyx or Psyxy)
    4. Anra7777 Dec 8, 2019
      Feli Yeah, “Saiki” refers to Saiki Kusou. In my head, “Psyxy” should be pronounced rather similarly to “Saiki,” so I made the leap.
    5. felidormit Dec 8, 2019
      you know, i keep wondering how @iampsyx name turned into Saiki. it's kind of poking my brain—the name translates to (Right) Now in a language. so, yeah... that's like unintentional funny bits to keep me laughing throughout the story!
      or is the name referring to that anime Saiki Kusuo no Psi Nan?
    6. jbturkle Dec 8, 2019
      Naw, I'll take being a guest over that any day. As long as the food isn't poisoned. I have enough trauma for that.
      Anra7777 likes this.
    7. Anra7777 Dec 6, 2019
      @jbturkle You weren’t supposed to be the food, but another dining companion. But if you want to take it that way, sure! :blobjoy:
    8. jbturkle Dec 6, 2019
      Lmao I'm still the food even in crack fics
      Anra7777 likes this.