Today I discovered someone I knew died. It wasn't unexpected, that person had health problems and I didn't hear of them for over a year, but I had no way of contacting them, so I couldn't really know... A relative of them ended up contacting me about it though, so I discovered it.
It was... Weird, I felt sad no doubt, it's never happy to see someone you liked dying... At the same time I got happy, because that relative was someone I hadn't talked to before, and now we had a chance to meet, a new person, someone I wanted to be close with too.
It is a strange feeling, I guess we weren't that close because I don't really feel that sad, I feel happier to know that their relative bothered to talk to me about it and help me understand the situation than I was saddened by the death... I honestly feel guilty about it.
Death is not supposed to be a happy thing, it's not supposed to be something you don't care much about... Yet it's how I feel right now... Happy for meeting a new person, happy for being told about it, happy that they might be in a better place now... Happy to understand a bit more about them from a person that knew them way better than I did.
It honestly feels just wrong to feel like this, but it's how I'm feeling right now... Of course the sadness is still there though, much more than having their relative talking to me, I'd be happier if they could both be still in this world, still talking, laughing and playing together... We can't have everything I suppose...
I don't know, I just felt like I needed to say this, I never felt like this about someone's death, it's definitely not a feeling I enjoy having... But it is what it is.
Death
Author
AliceShiki
『Ms. Tree』『Magical Girl of Love and Justice』, Female
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