Dragon's Last Dance

Author

Silver Snake

Magician of NUF|Show-off|Awkward|Genius
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The war between Aurora and Estera has been raging for near a millennia. On this day, it will end with a final bout, in it they will destroy each other engulfed in flames of fear and hatred. For humans fear what they can not control and hate whatever they fear.

A world born of magic, its growth has mutated it into something unrecognizable, a fusion of magic and technology, what they call science. Because of this desecration of what was once sacred, the magic has been running out for quite some time. And along with it, more than half of the indigenous species, those born more powerful were dwindling at the hands of humans who were once considered the weakest: Elfs, Fairies, Dryads, Centaurs, Sylphs, all disappearing.

And when the last of their kind dies they will just be a legend, a dream in the annals of history. The ignorant people will laugh at the young and idealistic children who believe in them, not forgotten, but certainly not remembered either, at least, not as they truly were. Even that won’t happen, that is, if nothing can stop this war, but people can change, I have seen it. I am the last of my kind, an Elder Dragon. On this day, on the last of the millennia, I take flight toward the battlefield to stop this war. I wonder if I will die. I wonder if it will mean anything. I hope it will.

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Ddraig, oretoyama, Tramsloof and 2 others like this.

Comments

    1. Ddraig Oct 4, 2018
      quute good for such a small urr oneshot I guess? event? maybe log? dunno
      Tycheri likes this.
    2. Tramsloof Oct 3, 2018
      It does make sense, when you say it. But, I or an average reader should've been able to figure that out by himself. To come to their own conclusion. You don't want to keep it too open, and don't want to make it absolute. Just keep it somewhere, in between. As if, you are leading them to your desired conclusion.
      ...
      I don't want to sound like a teacher, somehow, that image of myself has me on the run.

      Being a (pseudo) writer myself, I can clearly realise some of the mistakes that are common enough. Sometimes, we leave much of it aside and don't pen it in our stories. Because these stories come from our minds, the clues to us, are more than obvious. Heck, even without the clues, we know what it means, because we are the ones writing it out. Here, you had a thought where the dragon had a friendship with a human, who's now presumably dead. But in the narrative, the hint you mentioned, didn't ring my bells at all.

      Then, in a turmoil, where races are entinguished entirely, where the dragon race has been killed with a single survivor remaining alive, I expect that survivor to show emotions. I expect to see in him, desire to cherish his life, a hate, as well as a resolution and confusion of sorts.

      Perhaps he ran away from the war previously, where all his kith and kit their end. And that has been gnawing on him ever since. He doesn't know if what he will be doing, will even change anything, but it will grant him peace of mind, one way or the other.
      Tycheri likes this.
    3. Silver Snake Oct 3, 2018
      @Tramsloof I am very thankful for your thoughtfulness.

      Yes, I still need to work on my use of punctuation.

      I agree, I didn't make the dragon's motivation clear. But I was kind of hinting at the dragon's motivation with the line, "Even that won’t happen, that is, if nothing can stop this war, but people can change, I have seen it." I was imagining that he had a friend who sacrificed themselves or befriended a human in the past.

      The past tense kind of represents the perspective he has on the humans and their war, judging them from afar.
      He speaks of the war at first logically (from the eyes of someone not involved) for the build up and exposition.

      While the present tense represents how he feels about it in the present, ready to take action.
      Speaking about it emotionally for the character introduction, establishing his motive and core defining traits.

      I hope this justifies my tense change.
      Tramsloof likes this.
    4. Tramsloof Oct 3, 2018
      The idea is well done. It's concise, and written in the form of a narrative by a character, that's genius.

      Albeit, the effects can be greatly enhanced if you can be mindful of a few things below:
      ...
      Conjunction and grammar, my friend.

      Imagine the above sentence like this now,

      Conjunction and grammar my friend.

      Although both are readable, the first one tells you where to take a break, where another idea begins. And this way, it enhances your writing, bequeathing it much spirit and power.

      While the second one, it causes confusion. Who is the friend I am referring to? You? Or am I addressing 'Grammar and Conjunction'?

      ...
      A subject of death must appeal to the emotions. Reluctance, desire to live, fear and other such emotions should take place in the dialogues of the dragon. It's the last of its kind, and even then, he must sacrifice. For what? After all it will be the end of a race, so you must give a reason that meets that. Maybe it's their creed and honour that bounds them, for dragon is not blood but dragon is creed and honour. And as long as creed and honour thrive, so will the dragons.

      So you must start from the desolation, and take it from there to something noble and grander, and infuse within it, that spirit of sacrifice and despondency, a confusion of sorts.
      ...
      Since it's a dragon that's narrating, you must show the destruction from his perspective. Where all his friends have perished. All whom he called his own, met their end. The elves and the dwarves that offered gifts to him perished, and so did the dragon race. Leaving him alone in a world full of turmoil and sorrows. Also, since many of races are meeting their end, you must increase scale of the war. Make it a war for survival. How can all these races perish between a war of two countries?

      Also, try to be mindful of the tense you are using. If you are writing in past tense, stick to that. Going back and forth between past and future can be confusing, and it interrupts that immersive experience.
      ...
      Edit: The grammar and the conjunction has already been greatly resolved.
      Tycheri and Bad Storm like this.
    5. yun yun yun Oct 3, 2018
      *cri*

      I am aware that ideas will continue to flow as I go on...
      Just that I don't know where to start!
      But I can fix/continue I there's a basis though... Especially if it's a sketch...

      ....

      About the last paragraph...
      The first and second paragraphs were like, Wow! Details and stuff... Almost medieval...
      But the last was like, Meh! Am too lazy to continue so I'll just end it this way... Or something like, what are words? Can't seem to think of more...

      Or maybe something like that...
      *sighs*
      I dunno...
      Or at least that what I think...
      Bad Storm and Tycheri like this.
    6. Silver Snake Oct 3, 2018
      @XiaoYun You can't start writing with an idea in mind! An idea is something that gets stuck in your head like a catchy tune, because the truly good ideas stick. If you want to start writing then simply sit down and start typing! When you have read and written a sufficient amount an idea will come. This here I wrote with only the word dragon in mind. I still have not written nor read enough to have an idea for a story yet. Please don't think you can't write because you have writers block! An idea is slow coming, but writing is not! Even if what you write isn't the best thing you have ever written, you will still learn a lot from your writing and be somewhat proud of it, as is in my experience.

      How does the third paragraph seem off!? How can it be improved!? Would you mind being more specific?
      Bad Storm and XiaoYun like this.
    7. yun yun yun Oct 3, 2018
      The intro is good...
      Just that...
      The last paragraph seems a little off...
      Could still be improved though...

      ....

      *abrupt sigh*

      I wanna write too! But ideas are evading my brain!
      Out of desperation, I might write essays!
      Bad Storm and Tycheri like this.
    8. Bad Storm Oct 3, 2018
      I thought you'll stop with one-shots...

      Anyway, still missing some commas, I see. The flow was nice. The dragon doesn't speak like a dragon. Near the end, hope for humanity was showed. Word chosen were nice. The overall tone was laid back. Some parts were too long that the initial intent disappeared/clouded. Should have cleared up the subject/person of interest in a certain sentence.

      Keep up the good work~
      Tycheri likes this.
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