Family and Support

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A Certain G.I.R.L.

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I was reading the latest chapter of Fukakai na Boku today, and it just stuck to me how much of a blessing it is to have a proper family supporting you when you don't fit into the usual gender roles... It reminded me of something @ohko said a small while back in their blogpost... And it really is... Angering to think of this. It doesn't feel right, family support should be a given, I should not feel blessed for having something that I was supposed to have from the get go.

Well, I think I should show a few images before moving further. For context, Mogumo or Ryuunosuke was born a boy, but Mogumo doesn't identify with neither female nor male genders, they identify with something in-between... Well, this chapter focuses on the current situation at Mogumo's family's home through the lens of their sister. (Mogumo currently lives alone)

[Hachimitsu_Scans]_Fukaboku_c21_09.png [Hachimitsu_Scans]_Fukaboku_c21_10.png [Hachimitsu_Scans]_Fukaboku_c21_11.png
[Hachimitsu_Scans]_Fukaboku_c21_13.png [Hachimitsu_Scans]_Fukaboku_c21_14.png [Hachimitsu_Scans]_Fukaboku_c21_15.png [Hachimitsu_Scans]_Fukaboku_c21_16.png [Hachimitsu_Scans]_Fukaboku_c21_17.png [Hachimitsu_Scans]_Fukaboku_c21_18.png [Hachimitsu_Scans]_Fukaboku_c21_19.png
[Hachimitsu_Scans]_Fukaboku_c21_26.png [Hachimitsu_Scans]_Fukaboku_c21_27.png [Hachimitsu_Scans]_Fukaboku_c21_28.jpg

I really liked the way the author depicted the whole situation, on how you only need a single family member that is antagonistic to the change to make the entire family harmony break down... There were also some pages that showed how the mother suffered and blamed herself for this whole ordeal, and others on how Sakura is having to take care of almost all household chores because her mother went through a mental breakdown and can't work anymore (and the father does nothing on the home itself), but I decided to skip those or I'd have to show the whole chapter here.

And well, family members not always supporting a big change going on in their teenage child's life isn't anything particularly new, but at the end of the day our parents do love us and want the best for us... Or at least that's how it should be. And yet this kind of story in which someone with a gender that doesn't necessarily conform to the usual roles assigned to them by their sex is suddenly shunned by their family isn't really uncommon... And I just don't get it. It makes no sense.

I mean, can you even imagine shunning your child due to them doing something to themselves you don't agree with? I can't.
The parallel that I usually try thinking about is like... "What if my child started smoking?" What would I do then? I'd definitely try to stop them, I don't want my child to kill themselves with that drug... But well, I can't really force them I think, they'd just smoke behind my back and I'd need to try policing them when I can't, it would just stress us both and harm our relationship.
I think I'd instead try calling some of my smoker friends and ask them to talk to my child if I was unable to convince them on my own, because perhaps their words would hold more weight... But that's about as much as I'd be able to do I think. I dunno what else I'd be able to try, maybe search for a group of anonymous smokers or whatever. (Though I don't even know if those exist)

This parallel aside, that's how I think I'd deal with an issue that I don't agree with, I just wouldn't try forcing my way out, because I know it would never work, no matter how much I think it is the best for my child to try forcing their hand.
So seeing this kind of messed up family relationship depicted in a manga really hurts me, because... It's just so wrong.
And the worst part is that I can find a million of similar reports from people that suffered from those things IRL if I tried searching for 5 minutes. I'm just scared of coming to face with the reality of those issues, so I instead prefer to stay on fiction... And I'm still hurt by it.

And well, I liked how the author made sure to show that it was not only Mogumo that was affected by the family's rejection. The father became excessively stressed, the mother got depressive, the sister had to quit the hobby she loved and got overworked with household chores... And Mogumo now lives away from their family, doesn't have almost anyone to rely upon, and is terrified of going back home, all while they are trying to adapt to a new image of themselves that they're not even sure what exactly they want of it.

It's just so... Messed up. And nothing feels particularly exaggerated either... It feels realistic to me, like this kind of thing could happen to anyone that goes through any form of transition... It's terrifying. How come this kind of thing happens?

I just don't get it. It seem like people get so caught up in their everyday life that they forget that the basic and most important role of a family is to support and be there for one another, to share love... And it just stinks to see this kind of thing being put aside because someone doesn't conform to roles assigned to the sex they were born with. As if they could have any control over that to begin with...

I really am blessed to have a family that has been accepting of my transition... And I hate the fact that this is a blessing.

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Comments

    1. A Certain G.I.R.L. Jun 26, 2020
      @pass1478 I'm well aware of what Gender Dysphoria is. And exactly because I suffer from it that I can say that I was born the wrong sex.

      And no, I can't endure, if I was able to endure this, I wouldn't need to transition in the first place.

      Transitioning isn't a choice, it's a necessity.
    2. pass1478 Jun 26, 2020
      So you can't endure for the sake of others? Well, I guess it's your life to live.

      There's no such thing as "being born as the wrong sex." It's a mental and emotional condition, more specifically referred to as gender dysphoria.
    3. A Certain G.I.R.L. Jun 26, 2020
      @pass1478 I would risk a lot of things for the sake of feeling comfortable with myself... Familial harmony can be rebuilt at the end of the day, so I'd rather risk it. And I'd behave like this regardless of where I was born.

      As for treating it as a problem... Well, if it wasn't a problem, I wouldn't be changing it now, would I? Being born with the wrong sex is a very real problem.

      And I don't see the irony, really, I hate my body, so of course I want to change it to feel comfortable with it... Is there really anything unusual about that?
    4. pass1478 Jun 26, 2020
      @A Certain G.I.R.L.
      So you're willing to risk disrupting familial harmony and your well-being for the sake of your self-identity? (I'm talking about a Japanese family, btw) Yeah, that's pretty selfish, understandably so, but I guess that's what makes it realistic. Also, stop treating it as a problem (wait, is it a problem?), well, I guess the "problem" is rejecting who you are.

      It's ironic, really. You say you want to be comfortable with who you are, but at the same time, you say you can't bear to see who you are.

      Yeah, just had a 30 minute argument with myself in regards to what I was typing. I'm confused now. I don't know anything.
    5. A Certain G.I.R.L. Jun 26, 2020
      @pass1478 I don't think your view on changing only when independent and capable of providing for yourself is very realistic... Thing is, once you become aware that you're not comfortable with your body, it just kinda starts draining you from inside and makes you go crazy.

      It's like... When you want to get rid of all mirrors of your house because you cry whenever you see your face, you realize that it isn't simply a problem you can shrug off and keep to yourself for another 10 years.

      I genuinely don't think any of us is able to make major changes to society, and quite frankly, I don't even care about this kind of thing. I surely do want society to change for the better, but my only effort towards that goal is saying my mind to the people directly near me. Anyone else is just too far.
      What I really want is plain and simply to be comfortable within my own body, and this is the kind of thing that just can't wait until I'm financially independent and capable of taking care of myself. It's simply impossible.

      I don't know how different it is for people that don't indentify with either gender, but for me, hearing someone call me with a "he" hurts. Hearing someone call me my birth name even though I already changed it legally also hurts... It stings, it makes me feel down, it makes me want to get up from the dining table and leave on the spot. I just don't want to keep a conversation going with anyone that refers to me as anything other than a "she"... And that includes my family. Even though they are aware of my issues and are doing their best to adapt, and I'm aware that it's being hard for them and that they need time to call me the way I want to be called... It still just hurts too much, I can't endure it.

      And now you tell me that a teenager should have to handle that for 10 or so years in order to make a change to their life only once they are fully capable of taking care of themselves? That just don't seem feasible to me. It's fine if they're not aware of themselves at that age (I only discovered my own gender issues in my 20s, for example), but once you understand yourself, it's just not something you can really keep enduring.
    6. pass1478 Jun 25, 2020
      Oh, I remember reading that manga. I got distracted, though. Author made doujinshi porn, too, and I kinda drifted towards said porn (https:||nhentai.net|artist|konayama-kata) (just turn the | to /). Both yuri and yaoi, pretty cute, too. Hmmm nvm.

      Japan has a very collectivistic community with strict respect to tradition and old values, especially when it comes to family tradition. It's not as individualistic nor as open as western countries. Families would usually rather sacrifice the joy of an individual to keep the majority satisfied.

      I, for one, think that it's best to "change" once one is independent, or at least when one is capable enough to provide for oneself in the case where one's choice is rejected. It's a safer and much more practical and realistic route. It doesn't address the problem as a whole, but it's better to take small steps in solving a 'societal problem,' it's better to focus on your small community and circle rather than skipping straight to making changes on society.
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