For the sake of sanity

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Author

Ahodesuga

°˖✧Aho desu ga, Nani ka?✧˖° 《Liking Fiend》, Female
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I feel..... underwater. Very underwhelmed by matters that should cause me anxiety. Bored of life itself, almost.

Bored? Overwhelmed? Underwhelmed? plain ol' whelmed? I don't know.

'I don't know' I say. heh.

I should know. But I don't- I'm pretty sure it's willful ignorance on my part but oh well. Hypocrisy and not processing my situation are what I do best nowadays. Priorities are looking a bit like this:
1. Ignore reality
2. Ignore feelings other than muted amusement
3. block thoughts unless they are daydreams

I'll be honest. I lowkey forgot I had priorities before I wrote this so. Peace and nothingness ig! hURRAY?

I want to ask myself... I uhm got distracted and forgot my question to myself. Heh.

should I be that concerned my first thought concerning the above sentence was a harsh self-critique and self-deprecation? Probably, according to all the psychology I have been taught. That brings me back to my opening statement.

My life has submerged into the depth of an ocean unfamiliar to me, and all I do is sit and watch as I kill myself. How sardonic. I should've NOT been told to fear monsters and bogeymen as a child. Through my experiences, however limited they are, I've learned to fear a worthy opponent Myself. it's nonsensical to fear what is not real, terribly self-indulgent even; when Riri's sitting there all hunched and dead dead-eyed... Her soft voice terrifies me more than any fictional amalgamation of horror man has dreamed up. All she wants is to see me fail. Prove her right! Fulfill her prophecy of our eventual submission to these thoughts.

yeah i hate her. i hope she steps on a lego.

I try to tell her it's just fate and that we should take the punches as they come and PROCESS MOTHERFU- ahem.

:)


No, Riri, i'm not being whiny.

Even now, when all i am doing is innocent self expression, She lays her head on my shoulder and whispers her poison to me. Worst part? I take it sitting like a lamb. :)

Ah, see,, there she goes again. "Don't take it to heart, it's just what you deserve. I'm keeping you self aware like a good friend."

Sigh. A part of my brain seems to have misunderstood all those quotes about being your own best-friend... They didn't mean be a toxic dead grass blade Riri. Stop bullying me man.













damn i sound crazy.

I just wanna sigh for the rest of my life. Sighing is such a perfect gesture; it encapsulates so much emotion. SIGHS ARE THE REAL HOMIES. PASS IT ON MOSQUITO!

ew, mosquito bite.

oh well. life.


A wise man once sang: 'Why you sad? I don't know, nan molla.'
I'm not even sad. It's too faint to be called anything.


I actually do be agreeing with Riri this time lmao, I do be kinda pathetic.

I miss me. 38107411f0071bffeb48ea48138090cd.jpg

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