I Don't Need You

PROSE: Fiction

When I say I don't need you, please do not believe me.

Let's go back to the very first time I saw you...

I knew right away that you will be the only air that I would want to breath and the only day that I will always crave to repeat.

I know, it is kind of mental. But what can I do if my heart only wants you?

I always look for you in the crowd, craving for your scent and touch that melts me like an ice. And when I do not see even a little bit of your silhoutte, I feel a restlessness so severe that I felt like my heart was choking me.

It was crazy, mad, too much.

But it won't change the fact that it was your warmth that made me like this— a mid-afternoon heat with a howling gentle breeze.

It comforts me in every chaotic day and it accompany me in the days that I wanted a light skin touch. And when I do not need it, it was still there. Your warmth makes me live and help me get through the day. Your warmth becomes a mother to me and it will be painful if I will see your warmth going away.

But of course, it was not just your warmth that I need. I also need your storm— your thunder-filled-with-lightning-bolts-and-strong-wind-with-an-intent-to-kill-kind of storm.

It was not just your calmness that I wanted, I also want your thunder and rain. I don't care if it will be loud or if it will drown me because I will be a survivor of you. In every storm that you will call forth, I shall always be the victor. And definitely, I will survive and love you with everything I have.

Because I will calm your anger... I will wipe your tears when you can't take the world anymore. I will be your fresh breath in a stressful day. And no matter what the circumstances will be, I will always want the best for you.

That's why if I will say in the near future that I do not need you...

Please stay.

Please... understand me.

Because I will also make storms for you, I will also produce thunders, and I will also rain on your parade. But I will always go back to you without fail, every single day. Because you are my home. And please forgive me at the faults that I will make and the lies that I will tell.

Sometimes, I will be the craziest that I can be. Sometimes, I will be the calm. But please remember, every version... every alteration... every facade...

It was me, still me. Always and forever be me.

No one... can
steal myself.

— i do not need you
by vieauty