I Really Don't Know

I don't know why I'm here. I have nothing as convenient as a reason. I'll probably find another place where I can be if I cannot be here, somewhere. Somewhere I can belong, where I can see the truth, where I can bare the weight of it all. Perhaps that place is only in my dreams, nevertheless, I look for it, even now. Even knowing everything I know I can't help but feel this way.

Can't you see? How beautiful it all is. The countless raindrops that create a collision so unimaginable in scale. The light as it cascades over the unreachable horizon. I see everything and nothing. Why can I not comprehend what is right in front of me? Is it my state of mind? Or am I simply too foolish? Unable to ever reach that which is right in front me? Ah, or is it too late? Was time the unstoppable force blocking my way all this while? No, I can curse my fate all I want, but that will never change it. All I can do now is meet it.

Meet what? What a foolish thought! As if I were worthy yet! As if I had anything resembling a right to do so! Who cares if it is my destiny! What purpose it lay for me may as well be empty. For in all this time that I have searched and scrounged, and what have I found?! Nothing upon nothing upon nothing. Perhaps I'm going mad in these final days of mine. Yes, I must be. It's the only explanation. No, explanations are useless when trying to explain things. Only action and only failure are the teachers of all. Then let it be my destiny to fail and fail again, while learning nothing of use and everything important.