I hate losing.
Well, I guess everyone does... But we always lose. We lose games, we lose matches, we lose pens, we lose contact, we lose relationships... We lose those that we hold dear.
... What then? What to do now? Try to catch up? Try to discover what happened? Try to go after the bits and pieces we have available to us...? They're gone. We can only try to deal with the aftermatch then...
It probably looks like I'm talking about death... I'm not. Someone being gone doesn't mean they're gone from this world... They're gone from your life, they're gone from the place you always talked to, they're gone from your surroudings, probably to never come back... And they aren't happy with.
What then? You can talk through phone, you can call, you can chat, you can pretend to be there with them... But you aren't. You aren't, because you aren't there everyday, you aren't hugging them on the morning, you aren't meeting them on the street, you aren't going to groceries together... You are only there, when you go through lengths to talk to them... And you are willing to go through it, but that doesn't make you any less distant.
What then? Do you try to understand why they left? Do you try to solve the problem that caused their leaving? Do you pray in hopes of things getting better somehow...?
What then?
... What then? How do you deal with the loss...? How do you deal with the fact that, when you wake up in the morning, you won't see them by your side... You won't see their smile, nor will you feel their hug, or hear their laughs...
What then...? Loss is too hard to deal with... I don't want to deal with loss, nobody does... And yet, we have to... Somehow...
Their problem is their own, their life is their own, their choices are their own... It doesn't make it any less easier for me to deal with what they decide though...
If there is one feeling that is worse than guilty, that one is powerlessness. You want to do something, you want to help, you want to stretch your hand in hopes that they take it... But both of you know, that hand will never be caught. And you can't do anything else, but to leave it there.
Loss
Author
AliceShiki
『Ms. Tree』『Magical Girl of Love and Justice』, Female
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