What does it mean to be "Strong"? What does it mean to be "Weak"? I've been thinking about that alot lately. I'll admit, I've not been feeling very "Strong" lately. But I can't let myself be "Weak" either.
It's a strange place, the back and forth tugging between the call to give in to weakness, to sit down to rest, and the responsibility to be strong and press on despite the weariness.
It seems like people like to come to me when things are rough. Family, friends, even here. And I try to do my best to help how I can. I'm not a Wise man by any means. In fact, I'd venture to say alot of people have more Common sense and wisdom than me. So all I can do is based on my own experiences. Lessons I learned when I was in the same Valleys they are.
Keep Walking on.
Keep Smiling.
Don't give up.
Don't let things feaster.
Be "Strong".
But then at times, I feel like a hypocrite, trying to help others when I can't even "be Strong" myself. Letting wounds fester because I think it'll upset someone. Selfishly trying make myself feel better by helping someone else feel better. So it turns into a "drug". that momentary high and happiness when you see someone else smile, then that slow fall back down because you're just ridding on someone else's coattail.
Over and over. Looking for your own, but never really finding it.
But you can't show it either. You have to keep on Smiling. Keep on pressing on. Because if you don't, it makes everything you've done, pointless. Just Empty words with no real meaning. Ya, there have been times I've tried. Time's I've taken my worries and scars to other. But in doing so, I've lost friends, lost people I thought of as family. All for a moment of Weakness.
Maybe I just get to attached to people, to easy. Like a Drowning Man, I latch onto even a tiny bit of Stability, but in the end, just end up dragging them down with me. Pushing and prodding till eventually, they get annoyed and shake me off. Hahahah, Its ironic, really. I'm so desperate for someone to simply be comfortable and happy around me, to want me around, that I chase those very people away.
Eventually, I just stopped trying.
I know I'm not a very "popular" person. I'm not someone people enjoy being around alot or are very comfortable around. People don't "think" of me very often, and when they do, Its often as a Joke or an afterthought.
But I've decided I can't let those petty and selfish concerns control me. I can't let them keep making me "Weak". All that will do is drag others down with me as well. I have to keep being "Strong". Because if I don't, then that will just prove all of my demons right. I really don't know what else to do.
Maybe one day I'll find what I'm looking for, some stable land where I don't have to worry about such petty things anymore.
But till then I'll just have keep on keeping on.
Outside the Box - #11- Strength and Weakness
Author
Osamaru
『Shem's Best Pal ✧ Lexi's Ani ✧ Hamster's Keeper』, Male
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