Random poem 4 - A future of the past

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Tilgarial

[Chaos Tiger] [Paradox] [ded][Houseplant]
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There is no life left to live~
There is no blood left to give~
There is no spite left to face~
There is no race left to pace~

There is no life left to live~
Nothing left towards which to strive~
Once as busy as a beehive~
Now its all about behavin'~

There is no blood left to give~
Just the pain of the past left to relive~
As all of it has long been outliven~
Though how could we ever be forgiven~

There is no spite left to face~
All thats left is gall~
There is noone left to embrace~
All thats left to do is appall~

There is no race left to pace~
In front, there is no more space~
Behind, there is a wall~
To the side, all we could do is fall~

Now its all about behavin'~
Though how could we ever be forgiven~
All that's left to do is appall~
To the side, all we could do is fall~


@Bad Storm mentioned a two-way poem (or whatever its called) a while ago, and i wanted to try one, so here it is~
Though, i think its a bit disjointed

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Comments

    1. Tilgarial Jun 16, 2019
      Ahh, sorry xD
      Well, making them longer probably wouldnt hurt either way~
      Though I'd have to watch out to not make it forcefully drag on...
      :blobthink:
      Bad Storm likes this.
    2. Bad Storm Jun 16, 2019
      Lol, the short and generic comment is directed to my own poem. Totally not yours. If you call your poem short and generic, I won't know what to call mine anymore :blobrofl:
    3. Tilgarial Jun 16, 2019
      @Bad Storm ohh, great feedback! Thank you :D
      The perspective change would be another step up, yes~
      Though, i already consider it a win that its readable in both directions, even if barely xD
      But yeah, if i ever try a full reverse poem, I'll aim for the duality!

      Too short and generic?
      True, my poems up till now havent been all that long~ I'll see about changing that the next time, thanks!
    4. Bad Storm Jun 16, 2019
      Hmm...
      First things first, the poem is beautiful. But I didn't see what I was looking for: the perspective change.

      Look the one I wrote (and was stuck writing):

      I'm not a puppet of fate
      This is my choice
      If it's been written in the stars
      I don't care
      And it's not worth it
      There's no hope for us
      You'll never hear me say
      I love you
      ​
      Reading it from top to bottom gives a different feels from reading it from bottom to top. That was supposed to be the goal of the reverse poem (or whatever it is called). What makes me unsatisfied of this one was that it was too short and generic for my taste...
      RottenApple and Tilgarial like this.
    5. Tilgarial Jun 16, 2019
      Haha, thanks~
    6. SummerForest Jun 16, 2019
      It started well~
      Tilgarial likes this.
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