Reading makes me happy ^_^

A few weeks ago, I noticed a very alarming data point on my phone. My screen usage… was a whopping 10 hours a day..! You may be thinking, “Bb, this isn’t even that bad. Just ten hours?” And yeah, it’s not that much in the long run. When I wasn’t a working member of society I’m sure my screen time was double that, but alas, capitalism. Tsk tsk, what a shame. BUT going back to before, I did the math and adding in time spent working and commuting, this leaves me a grand total of 4 daily hours to sleep and eat. FOUR HOURS.

So, with my sleep schedule in shambles, I made a tough decision: no NU, no NUF, and no online novels until I pulled myself back together (spoiler alert, I did not). Like the internet addict I am, I had a very hard time. Days felt like weeks… and it feels like I haven’t been on here for months… but it’s only been 18 days. *facepalm*

Now on to the main point… I hadn’t touched an online novel in weeks, and going cold turkey is probably not the best way to remove yourself from an addiction. I had to actually go outside to entertain myself, and by that I mean staring out an open window. No, it wasn’t really that dramatic. I just had to remember what hobbies I (supposedly) have, and then find it in me to make some sort of effort to maybe (*gasp*) do them??

But… as time passed, and my lack of time perception became increasingly obvious, I discovered something a bit interesting. I’m not happy anymore. Maybe the effects of burnout are just finally reaching me, or maybe reading had a bigger impact on me than I thought… the fact remains that I was smiling less, to the point where even I noticed when I passed by a mirror. I just looked so sad.

Could this be because of a combination of things, from social, to economical, to personal matters? Yes, but why should I face my problems when I can just oversimplify things and blame it on something only vaguely related? Lol anyways, I did some thinking, and I realized that reading was one of the only things I could consistently find joy in at this point in my life.

Taking away the time I spent reading not only gave me nothing to do (instead wallowing in my own self pity), but it made my daily life a lot less stimulating. I wasn’t able to laugh at funny parts in novels anymore, or read the translator notes and pretend there was someone reading with me, or that I was just a little less alone. I didn’t get to read any embarrassingly cringy dialogues that made me want to crawl head first into a hole and never come out.

My life was just so, so bland.

I missed laughing every day. Or doing those subconscious foot swings when you lay stomach down on your bed while reading something particularly cute. I missed lurking through comments, or reading junk food novels, or even just opening up a random update to see what happens next. And so… after 18 grueling days of self improvement (?), I give up. Haha. ^_^

Reading makes me happy, so why should I force myself to stay away from it? I’m not that much of a masochist. It’s still a good idea to cut back on how much I read, since I do still need to sleep, eat, and pay bills, but some is still okay.

In conclusion: I may get organ failure from lack of sleep and nutrition, but at least I’m somewhat happy while I’m alive~