I am living life as lazily as possible, procrastinating as much as possible. Not daring to look forward to the future, thinking that my determination will waver in regards to my soon-to-be-done action I have been looking forward a lot since day 0, ironic.
Caring not as much to what the consequences of this attitude I'm giving and how much importance I weigh everything, I am positive that I will not bare the brunt of the long term effects. I may experience the short term effects, but I'd rather experience a sword to the heart now rather than a knife to the heart every year.
I am trying to build a wall of apathy and indifference to what everything will do and think of me when the action I am thinking of doing is done. The moment this wall is finished, is the moment where my plans will finally start, and hopefully, come into fruition.
I may only have one chance in this, I will treasure this chance so that I can perfectly time and prepare it. If I fail, which I hope would never happen, I may drown in regret and lose my determination I've been storing up since the past 1-3 years.
A big inspiration to me in regards of optimism regarding said plans, is that a cousin of mine did it, and was succesful. When I recieved news of it, I had an epiphany and my determination increase 2-3 times.
Today, I lied in order to get an item needed for my plans, the lie wasn't big. Just a... Little... White... Lie.
Hopefully, I'll be able to finish my plans and finally start and finish it all this or next month. Any longer than that is a definite NO.
Anyways, wish me luck.