Self Image and Confidence

Author

AliceShiki

『Ms. Tree』『Magical Girl of Love and Justice』, Female
Messages:
24,650
Likes:
98,371
Points:
834
Blog Posts:
140
Some people really amaze me.

I was talking to a friend yesterday, and somehow the topic went to relationships, at one moment he told me how he didn't quite understand what was wrong with the people he dated, because he kept getting tangled with some troubling people, but he was "pretty good boyfriend material" according to himself.

That kinda surprised me. Not because I necessarily disagree, but more like... That kind of self esteem is pretty amazing to me, I could never say I was good girlfriend material myself, I mean... When I look at myself, I mainly see flaws, like...

I'm ugly, my voice is horrible, I need to take meds regularly even though I'm still 23, I can't give birth, I'm needy, I'm a crybaby, I'm jealous, I'm a worrywart, I have a hard time taking care of myself, I rarely do the things I propose myself to do, I'm a workaholic for everything except work... I keep seeing bad and worse things about myself, and like... Where is the good part?

The bad parts come really naturally to me, it's basically what's on my head most of the time... I mean, I do have some qualities if I stop to think about it, but that's not what I usually see?

Rather, when I was in my last relationship, I once asked "Just what do you like about me?" because I honestly had no clue what could have made someone fall in love with me... I don't think I have anything appealing about myself. I kinda accepted I'll adopt a child and be a single mother already.

So... When I see someone confidently saying that they are "good boyfriend material", it seriously amazes me... How can someone have that kind of confidence? I truly have no idea... I know I certainly don't have it.

Permalink
You, ExitedDeviljho, AHKoT and 14 others like this.

Comments

    1. crimsonwolf8439 Jul 11, 2019
      There's a large difference between healthy self-confidence and narcissism.
      Jeanette likes this.
    2. SpearOfLies Jul 11, 2019
      *patpat*
      Jeanette likes this.
    3. SummerForest Jul 11, 2019
      Whoa, Alice, stop berating yourself like that! The good and the bad in us stay together and balance each other out to create a rather harmonious image of us. To take either one of them out and evaluate it separately will only result in a flawed image.
      It's more like a well-cooked dish in which both salt and sugar are there but they balance each other to give the unique taste.
      Hitedo and Jeanette like this.
    4. Jeanette Jul 11, 2019
      Alice is good empress material
      *Raises hands in support*
      Hitedo and BB_Tensei like this.
    5. AliceShiki Jul 11, 2019
      SummerForest likes this.
    6. SummerForest Jul 11, 2019
      Alice, you don't need to think about them. People can't see their qualities themselves. It's for others to see them.
      Jeanette and AliceShiki like this.
    7. Osamaru Jul 11, 2019
      *pat pat hug pat*
      I know the feeling.
      I've never even dated before, and I have to keep catching myself sometimes, thinking things like "Of course I've not, why would anyone WANT to date me?". But we have to remember that Negative thinking like that is, in the end, pointless. Instead of thinking about the flaws and the consequence of those flaws, its more worth the effort and time thinking about how to change it. And that doesn't just apply to dating either, but all of life.
    8. MaliMi Jul 11, 2019
      You know the thing about only seeing bad things about yourself? That's quite normal. When I try to find some good ones about myself, I have to review my life as objectively as I possibly can. Then I realize that actually some of my bad qualities can be good depending on the perspective. Or that some bad qualities come as a package with some good ones and you cannot separate them.

      For example: When there is a work to be done in a field that interests me, I have a higher standards for myself than for other people. That makes me work harder and achieve better results than I would normally. On the other hand, when I get the good results, I do not feel that much joy, because I think that is just an expected result.

      As for the guy in the story. That depends. If he had had a really good experience with his other halves so far, that might have built his confidence. If not, that it is justfake high self-esteem. People like that exist.
      Hitedo, Exitiumm and AliceShiki like this.
      9. Page 1 of 3
  1. Sort Comments

    Sort Comments