She Thought It Was Love

PROSE: i shall tell a villain this pt. 3

Romance is something that your heart yearns.

But is it love?

You wrote him letters and inside those letters are confession of your uncertain love and the giddiness of the butterflies in your stomach pushed you to engrave sweet words in a vanilla-colored paper with a scent of the most fine rose.

And you feel like you are the happiest person in the world.

Now, you can't stop yourself from smiling ear to ear as you watch how he became flustered, the cuteness of his blushing face just gets you, doesn't it? Because you just don't write him letters, you also profess your undying love through a melody and an acoustic guitar and there you feel that everything you did was worth it. Your voice is sometimes off tune but you still try to hit the notes right even though you know that your voice is not that good, but you still try with the hope of melting his icy heart.

And your feelings for him became deeper that you just not whisper romantic terms in his ears— you also show it to him with the meals you cooked for him, the messages you sent to his phone, the loud and full laughter you produced because of his uncle jokes, and your discovery of his flaws that made you dive deeper into such drowning feeling.

And he... He can't stop himself anymore. Your hard work paid off. The way you embraced his past made him fall in love with every bit of you. His cold walls trembled and was destroyed because of the warmth you offered.

Now, everything that he remembers is the comfort of your arms and your breath in his nape. He fell so hard but he still feels like he was floating with the clouds in the blue sky.

You are everything that he knew now. He will never imagine anyone else beside you in his future. You are now the oxygen in his air, the water in his body. Because it is you, you are everything he wants now and dreams of. You are in every fiber of his being. You are in him now.

But when everything is perfect, doubt will knock in your door and the uncertainties would say hello. That person, it is because of him that you are having sleepless nights and painful dreams again. You just found yourself in the same, old cycle again. Because in everything you see, you say, and you do... you just found out that everything is about him again.

Then, you realized that it is still him. It is still about the man that left you dead in an alley inside your heart. It is still him. And you know right there, it will always be him.

It is not love. You are just heartbroken. And now, you don't know what to do even though you are now very certain.

Because you wished you weren't. And you hope that everything you believed in the past few months were real.

How hard you wish it was real.

And as you realized this fact, you dropped the man you worked so hard to have from the highest pedestal he ever reached. It was indomitable, cruel, selfish. It was the kind of pain he can never forget as long as he lives. It was you who made him taste heaven... But it was also you who dragged him back to hell.

You left him there— lifeless, scarred, hopeless, worthless. You made him feel like the trash he should have been from the start. It was all an illusion, the means to produce misery worst than death. It was all a joke— a joke so cruel and cold that he can't help but cackle as he spit blood like ruby gem.

You are the worst. You shouldn't have showed him joy, showered him with love, and make him feel like he is alive if you will just leave him down a ditch— dead even though he still breaths.

Yes, it was all your fault.
It was a sin so vile—
so damned—
so cruel.
It was to the extent that even
life is not enough to—

Be the price for the
broken mess he
became due to
your farce.

You were his heaven—
until you became
his hell.

You were his angel—
until you became
his worst nightmare.

It was all because
you thought it—
was love.

— she thought it was love
by vieauty