The One and Only Hero King

Author

Silver Snake

Magician of NUF|Show-off|Awkward|Genius
Messages:
1,324
Likes:
7,113
Points:
417
Blog Posts:
97
Off in the field of a farm a farmhand can be seen toiling away. This was a job he would start at 5 o'clock every morning. He neither resented nor bored of the work he had to do. His father and mother always did much more since they were more capable in their older age, and he was never bored because he would always have wild fantasies during his more repetitious tasks. Yes, this farmhand boy was perfectly happy as he was on this day.

On that night the boy was eagerly preparing for sleep as all people tired from a long days work do. About to shut his eyes a white flash of light like a lightning bolt manifested itself within the center of his room. With the disappearance of the flash of light came the appearance of a man. He had dark tanned skin, gray hair covered his face all around and his beard hung half way to his hips. His garb was rustic and gave the thought of a Shepard in appearance.

To the shocked boy, the spontaneously manifested man pointed towards him, and with a sonorous voice that seemed to enclose the entire room said, "Young Arthur, you are to become the hero king," putting down his pointed hand, he lifted his other hand openly palm side up," Come, I shall guide you towards your destiny." To this, Arthur thought to himself intensely for fifteen seconds straight.

He said, "No thanks—I mean, thanks for the offer. I'm sure not many get it. But yeah... I'm good. I'm perfectly happy the way I am now." The wizard thought to himself for fifteen seconds as well.

The wizard responded, "What? What what what? This is unprecedented. All young men should be greedy and want their world in their pocket! Surely you want something, right?"

"Well, the only thing I want is something I'll never likely get, so I'm fine as I am."

"Out with it! What is this thing you can not possibly obtain? If I get it for you, will you become the one and only future hero king?"

"Well, alright I'll tell you. But you have to promise not to laugh." The wizard nodded furiously. "I would love to marry this noble girl in the upper district. The wizard burst out in fits of laughter, causing him to fall to his feet spinning on the ground. "Hahaha, a girl? When you become the hero king you could have your pick of the most purest, wisest, fairest of maidens, from all across the lands. Why delay your destined departure for her? What makes her so special?"

"She just is, and you said you wouldn't laugh. Anyways help me in wooing her. I'm sure you can do something with your wizardly ways. Of course I know magic can't affect the hearts of others. So I only ask for you to create for me an opportunity or two."

"No, I can most certainly tamper with the hearts of other with my magic. Just say the word and she is yours, presto," he snapped his fingers and from it tiny fireworks popped out.

"No way, I'm not going to spend the rest of my days with a mind controlled zombie. It's either my way or no way. You agree or not?"

The wizard didn't have much of a choice, only one one and only hero king was born every 100 hundred years. Well, he did have a choice, but being the wizard he was, he refused to waste another 100 years waiting or looking.

"Fine." With that the the wizard shook the hand offered to him by the farmhand boy, and with it sparks flew from their intertwined hands until they teleported. They were now in the garden area of a smallish castle. Arthur looked around, confused. The wizard said, "Okay, she's up in that balcony, let's do this."

villainess, Bad Storm and XiaoYun like this.

Comments

    1. Silver Snake Sep 14, 2018
      @Pandamonic Thank you for giving me your thoughts! Regarding the whats, perhaps I should do something like wh-what to show a stammer instead. But I would feel that that would make the wizard seem less all-powerful.
      I had the farmer boy be a very bored individual who would take any chance he could get at getting out of his boring life. Imagine if you lived in a world of magic and monsters, wouldn't you want to jump into that sort of world if given the chance?
      Pandamonic likes this.
    2. Pandamonic Sep 14, 2018
      @Bad Storm I see that your in a bad move. @Tycheri That what? What what what? It really make me cringe it sounds awkward please do something.

      Story wise if I was the farmer boy I would not react like that I mean. I saw someone suspicious and I trust him because he said im the hero something. Sound suspicious enough.
      Tycheri likes this.
    3. Silver Snake Sep 14, 2018
      @Bad Storm Really? Do you really think I need something as lowly as inspiration!? All of my three stories I wrote in a sleepless daze! Inspiration did not strike me, I struck it! The first story I got simply from looking at clouds, the second from the idea of secret organizations, and the third was from Arthurian legend. These stories are alive, I do not create them, for they have always been alive! I a simply the conduit that allows these stories to be told! I need not inspiration! I could continue any of these stories easily, and with the even greater quality!

      Cough cough. I now understand that my words have begun to sound a bit silly. But I assure you that they are 100% true.
    4. Bad Storm Sep 14, 2018
      I honestly could be patient if I'm the wizard. Impertinent refers to the hero.

      Cliffhangers are good if I'm sure that there's a next part... This one looks like a single short story written while struck by inspiration.
      Pandamonic likes this.
    5. Silver Snake Sep 14, 2018
      @Bad Storm Wait, you honestly could what? And is it me you are referring to as impertinent? Surely, it couldn't be. I have only the highest respect for you-- a dog. I did not pay attention in my English classes, at all (regretting it immensely now). Also wouldn't you say being hanged by a cliff made you want to read more of it? Isn't that a good thing?
      Pandamonic likes this.
    6. Bad Storm Sep 14, 2018
      Pandamonic and Tycheri like this.
    7. Silver Snake Sep 14, 2018
      @Bad Storm I have little to no idea what phrases like complex sentence and subordinate clause mean.
      About the story, the wizard isn't exactly a push-over. If anything he was very focused. He saw a solution to his problem and went for it as soon as he could. Imagine being the wizard, having to look for or wait for a hero king every 100 years. Wouldn't you become a bit impatient?
      As for Arthur, yup, you basically hit the nail on the coffin. That was exactly what I was trying to convey. People love main characters they can relate to.
      Pandamonic likes this.
    8. Bad Storm Sep 14, 2018
      Due to being scolded for my lack of manners, I'll write this.

      Be mindful of commas. You lack some in some places like the first sentence. Really.
      Check word tenses and parts of speech like how the third sentence is better off as "He was neither resentful nor bored of the work he had to do." because "...neither resented nor bored.." sounds a bit awkward.

      P3 Sentence 1. Complex sentences needs complex attentions. Adding "towards him" in the second clause doesn't sound good. Either remove it or rephrase.

      DIdn't see any other obvious errors.

      Story-wise.
      I find the wizard is too much of a push-over. Yeah, the mc is the only hero king alive, I get that, but still, he didn't even tried to strike another deal...
      Next, Arthur, I think he's not that happy with his simple life. But was just resigned to it instead. It just so happened that the wizard arrive and gave him a chance or a possibility for more.
      Lastly, I hated where you cut the story. It felt too much of a cliffhanger...readers hate cliffhangers...at least I do...

      ENDNOTE: *sigh*
      Pandamonic and Tycheri like this.