This city

The sky is completely lead grey from one side but if you face the other way, you can see the clouds almost lifting off of the horizon. just barely, but the light is filtering us, through the edges, like the sun trying to peek out & look down at us one last time before he makes his journey under. everything is covered in almost a peach glow. It's moments like these that make me never want to leave this city. but I have to. Because sometimes it feels like it's the only option left to escape it all.
sometimes, it feels like the city is sucking me dry, taking the air right out of my lungs until I can't breathe. & it comes at the worst moments. like standing in the front of the stage and just losing it. Right there. in front of everyone. until he came. Sometimes I think about what I would've done if he hadn't come and hugged me most tightly & told me it was okay. that I'll be okay. & I knew that I did, but sometimes you need just that. for someone to hold you & tell you that you'll make it through this. you will. you will go to another city & scream to old songs while you're squeezed in a small car with your friends, all smoking joints except for the one good boy who refuses to give in. and you'll realize that you can be happy. you really can. properly happy. and I realize that maybe, just maybe, it wasn't the city that was making me feel that way. maybe it was more the people and their expectations and me thinking I had to live up to them. maybe it was something else. but I don't know how to live here anymore. with that feeling. so yes, I need to get out. or maybe that's what I'm telling myself to make it hurt less when I do leave. if I am ever able to leave.