Understanding Change

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A Certain G.I.R.L.

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Today I read the last chapter of Fukakai na Boku and I wanted to try talking a bit about it. This is definitely one of my favorite series, and I'm a bit sad to see it end, but I'm definitely happy with how it ended... Those two pages above are the last ones of the manga (for a small bit of context if you don't know the series, Mogumo (the blondie with twintails) is a non-binary person. They were born as a boy, but don't identify with neither male nor female genders... And the result of that were lots of family problems, I went a bit more in-depth about it in this other blog post).

And I have to say I love them. They're simple, and I like that simplicity... Gender issues are a complicated issue, it's pretty hard to understand what non-binary people are going through. I remember talking to my mom multiple times over how hard it was for her to accept my transition, because for her I still felt the same. And then I had to try explaining to her that I was the same, I'm not a different person because I'm transitioning, I'm just fixing the body I hate to one I can feel happy with.

And even though we've had this discussion a few times, it's hard for her to accept everything I'm going through. She doesn't really understand what's happening to me, she says she never saw any traces of my hatred for the body I was born with back when I was younger... And honestly? That doesn't really matter in the slightest. She doesn't need to understand why I'm doing it or why I feel the way I feel, I just expect her to respect me and accept me the way I am. Which is a surprisingly hard thing to ask, but it's just the bare minimum I need.

I also like how Mogumo says that they don't really understand everything either, because that's such a simple truth... I don't get everything about gender. For example, I can't really understand how anyone could possibly go through the Female to Male transition, that makes 0 sense to me because it's the exact opposite of what I'm doing... But I understand that I should respect them, and that much is enough.

I can't also understand some of my own behaviors back when I was younger, when I tried to actively back away from some things that were seem as feminine, even though I've felt like I should have been born a girl since forever... Why did I behave like that back then? I don't get it... And it's fine if I don't get it, really, it's just something that I know that happened.

There are also tales of people that were absolutely sure that they wanted to transition. People that did surgeries, applied silicone to grow their breasts, changed their names and did pretty much everything they had to... And after a few years regretted their decisions and transitioned back. How do you explain that? How do you even understand it...? I don't think it's worth trying to understand it. At most I think of it as an interesting statistic, that a certain percentage of people that go through transition regret their decisions.

At the end of the day, it's fine to not understand everything, it's fine to have some doubts about the whys of things. The important part is to remember to respect the people near you and create a functional relationship. Change happens, and it's a lot more important to adapt to it than to understand it. That's how I feel on the matter at least.

Fulminata likes this.

Comments

    1. LAOG Apr 13, 2021
      @A Certain G.I.R.L. These kind of things take a good while to process. She might never accept it, she might begin to accept it once your transition is fully done if it isn't yet. The fact that she supports you is already a step in the right direction and better than most similar situations I've heard about. Hopefully it all ends well.
      Fulminata and A Certain G.I.R.L. like this.
    2. A Certain G.I.R.L. Apr 13, 2021
      @LAOG Thank you, I appreciate the thoughts.

      I'm not as hopeful as you on this matter though, as it's been about 2 years since I told her about my need to transition. She still supports me nonetheless, which is something I'm grateful for, but she has a hard time accepting it.
      Fulminata likes this.
    3. LAOG Apr 13, 2021
      Give your mother some time. She is also adapting as this is something she hasn't experienced. Hopefully she fully supports you and accepts your journey. Best of luck.