I woke up this morning and thought….. (disclaimer this is some “heavy” shit? Maybe? Just trigger warning.)
- First. I could kill myself.
- I could fall in love?….it always seems to fix things but then again fairytales do not equal real life. But if I were to fall in love what would it be with?……. life? (Yeah, right. Go to first point for references) A boy? Or girl…. Not sure yet.
- I could continue struggling to do the bare minimum…..? (I seem to be good at that.)
- I could try. I could try and try and try and try until I either get whatever it is that I crave or until I’m too broken and beat down to give a sh*t.
- I could give up and fall deep into depression (note to self: this point is already checked out. Don’t f*cking bring it up again.) become a hermit, hide in my room day in and day in,(cause my body does not consent to the outside world.) losing myself in “what if” and “what could have been”?✅
- I could hurt myself like I do now but worse. I could hurt myself again and again until there’s no more pain or fear. Until I’m laying in bed. My sheets dyed red and dripping with blood. My empty eyes looking up at the ceil and the once messy room filled with piles of clothes on the floor and boxes from fast food restaurants would be clean. Only a letter by the bedside table and a body remaining. Emptiness would envelopes the room.
*I could be a poet cause damn. (⬆️For reference)- I could push on and ignore the pain until death grows tired of waiting and comes to get me.
- I could learn to love, relax, breath in, be at peace, accept that I’m stupid and so is everyone else. Accept that we are all very pitiful. Accept that we are all a little fucked up and that’s okay….?
- I could just exist? Or not. I could just be. Or not.
Or I could just get the f*ck up and go to school.
When you wake up and you are still depressed
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Scarlethail
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