Spoiler There Were Times When I Wished You Were Dead

Discussion in 'Spoilers' started by summer-162, Oct 6, 2020.

  1. Niaosaf

    Niaosaf Well-Known Member

    Joined:
    Jul 14, 2020
    Messages:
    213
    Likes Received:
    479
    Reading List:
    Link
    Poor her, Thankyouu so much!
     
    Ghost123 likes this.
  2. its0k

    its0k Well-Known Member

    Joined:
    Aug 2, 2020
    Messages:
    1,295
    Likes Received:
    11,754
    Reading List:
    Link
    Thank you so much for the spoilers!!!
    It is a really dark story about an okay prince becoming a heartless emperor while struggling for power, which is kinda realistic. But to make it more realistic in the future he should end up with a power hungry sociopathic empress by his side without a drop of warm feelings between them and with constant fear of being assassinated and replaced by his heir.
    As far as the story shows this kind of non-emphatic ML who didn’t develop as a character so far and only changed his attitude towards MC because she was by chance his saviour a long time ago, there should be no fairytale ending for him. If she wasn’t Lillian but any other noble daughter of a powerful enemy controlled by magic he would have not even thought about her once after using and throwing her away. This is not a type of personality ML should have.
    If in author’s opinion sorry and sobbing is enough of compensation for all the mental abuse he did to MC then I don’t know :facepalm:
     
    Enmea, Smaforte12, maenochka and 27 others like this.
  3. Elle0o

    Elle0o Well-Known Member

    Joined:
    Dec 10, 2020
    Messages:
    34
    Likes Received:
    223
    Reading List:
    Link
    Omggg.. thank you for this book 4 spoiler.. ML is literally almost the same with soveishit!

    I do want to know more spoilers for book 4 if ML did suffer and hope MC won't forgive him and not love him back ..arggg
     
    Last edited by a moderator: Apr 19, 2021
    DOHere, Lucy scarlet and its0k like this.
  4. Victo.gg

    Victo.gg Well-Known Member

    Joined:
    Dec 12, 2020
    Messages:
    59
    Likes Received:
    1,802
    Reading List:
    Link
    Totally agree.
    If MC weren't his first love, he wouldn't have felt sorry for his heinous deeds.



    Much worse than Soveish :sick::sick:



    I will put more spoilers when I continue reading, I only have an important exam Thursday and when I finish it I will be free to update daily :blobpats:
     
  5. Elle0o

    Elle0o Well-Known Member

    Joined:
    Dec 10, 2020
    Messages:
    34
    Likes Received:
    223
    Reading List:
    Link

    Thanks in advance ☺
     
  6. Niaosaf

    Niaosaf Well-Known Member

    Joined:
    Jul 14, 2020
    Messages:
    213
    Likes Received:
    479
    Reading List:
    Link
    Is there any spoiler? I'm really curious about th 4th book
     
    azal likes this.
  7. RedRuchi

    RedRuchi Well-Known Member

    Joined:
    Dec 7, 2020
    Messages:
    106
    Likes Received:
    406
    Reading List:
    Link
    Hi, thank you so much, you can tell spoiler or give MTL translation, whatever suits you, just happy to read. Also, can you tell where I can buy or read raws of this book?
     
  8. Victo.gg

    Victo.gg Well-Known Member

    Joined:
    Dec 12, 2020
    Messages:
    59
    Likes Received:
    1,802
    Reading List:
    Link
    Welcome.
    I will give spoiler very soon, as for the translation I will translate the fourth and fifth books after the translation of the third book has been put forward.
    You can buy the raw on RIDI.
     
    Smaforte12, sUezyQ, Plum2112 and 15 others like this.
  9. LazuliBean

    LazuliBean Well-Known Member

    Joined:
    Apr 17, 2020
    Messages:
    314
    Likes Received:
    1,542
    Reading List:
    Link
    God how in the hell did the douchebag earn her forgiveness? The only way to make it up to her is by living a miserable life himself.
     
    Herbie420, hanni29, Ecstasy and 5 others like this.
  10. K3I

    K3I Well-Known Member

    Joined:
    Dec 23, 2019
    Messages:
    320
    Likes Received:
    1,617
    Reading List:
    Link
    Even then, I wouldn't forgive him. And even if I did, I wouldn't want to be involved with him anymore...
    Do these characters seriously get together? It seems pretty impossible to stay next to each other even if sh loved him.
     
  11. LazuliBean

    LazuliBean Well-Known Member

    Joined:
    Apr 17, 2020
    Messages:
    314
    Likes Received:
    1,542
    Reading List:
    Link
    yeah I’m pretty sure they do end up together, based on all previous spoilers.
     
  12. Deleted member 282232

    Deleted member 282232 Guest

    Reading List:
    Link
    This trashbag is the Male Lead?
    The Female Lead should've not 'just' disappeared, but also should've found a better person for herself. She should've fallen in love with a more better person. Although not necessary but I would prefer her marrying any other man, no matter commoner or noble than getting back together again with this Male Version of Trashta.
     
    Last edited by a moderator: Mar 15, 2021
  13. gellybean

    gellybean Member

    Joined:
    Oct 28, 2020
    Messages:
    1
    Likes Received:
    1
    Reading List:
    Link
    Thank you so much for your hard work. I really appreciate your spoilers and looking forward for more. Happy new year! :)
     
    evanesco99211 likes this.
  14. Victo.gg

    Victo.gg Well-Known Member

    Joined:
    Dec 12, 2020
    Messages:
    59
    Likes Received:
    1,802
    Reading List:
    Link
    Sorry guys for late, I know you were waiting for it :blobcry:


    *The funeral of MC's mother was held, it was not big, the attendance was only MC, Mary, Jane and ML at the request of MC.

    *It was raining after the funeral, MC and ML had a brawl as usual.

    *After the fight, MC had a fever because she was in the rain, and once again ML transmitted her illness to him through a magician / healer.

    *After that the MC gets very sick and doesn't wake up for about a week.

    *MC seems to be having nightmares about Duke Del Loa. And she started asking if he was really dead? Maybe ML lied to her about his death.

    *Servants keep everything harmful from her, fearing she will do something to herself.
    *At night, ML was in the garden near MC room. Suddenly, MC came with her hands like a little sword and seemed half asleep. She stabbed ML, thinking he was the Duke of Del Wa. Asher tried to stop her, but ML stopped him and grabbed the knife in his hand.
    When she was about to fall, MC woke up and looked at ML, he tried to hide his hand but she noticed what happened before that.
    MC repeatedly apologized to ML, but he used to say don't apologize, do what you want, but don't apologize.

    *MC headed to the ML room and then sat on the bed and after a long silence she said that she remembered what happened and that she stabbed him. He was saying things like it wasn't her fault and he was the one who accidentally grabbed the knife.

    *Then MC and ML start avoiding each other, and ML start planning to die.

    *Kenna (the former queen) visited the MC, apologized to her, and talked about her mother who passed away when she was young, "There was a story behind her mother's death, but I could not understand it well." And before she left, she gave her a book.

    *After leaving Kenna, MC re-read her mother's letter, It says <I wish you knew that there are things other than pain and misery.>
    Then she thought, is this possible?

    *The idea of having to die and disappear heavily dominated ML's head.

    *After kenna visiting, MC began to think that there was no need to live in this hell here.
    She decided to go to Le Sor Tio, the place her mother wanted to visit. But decided to pass by Del Wa first.

    *MC and ML are heading to Dell separately with different goals, and it seems that they do not know about each other because of Alexes.

    *Alexis know of ML's plans to die and tells Asher to pay attention to ML.

    *MC visited the tower in Del Wa, specifically her mother's room. She cried and fell asleep, and when she woke up at dawn, she approached the window and started thinking about her mother, who fell from here.
    "Whether I listen to my mother and live happily, or die here, she will never know. All of these things that were ridiculous to me definitely weren't supposed to die, but sitting by the window gave terrifyingly powerful and energetic motivation."
    *ML decides to die in the Dark Woods in Del Wa, so that his death is not used for political matters.

    *Asher tries to stop him, but he did't succeed, then MC appears and stops him.


    I left late in the evening after sunset, but when I entered the forest, it was dawn. The moonlight was brighter than I thought, so Carloy felt strange for a moment. Because he wanted to die where no one sees. He said if he didn't know anyone. Even the gaze of the moon was unpleasant.
    Leaning against the base of a tree on the dark ground, holding a breath for a moment, Carloy pulled out the vial. That he would not have regrets so far, that he would end his life sooner. What is this... … . Laughter came out for nothing.
    If there is one regret, if there is only one thing that takes. Lastly, I wanted to see Lyrian. So how lucky it is. Because I can't see Lyrian. It would have been an excessively undeserved end.
    In her mind, Lirian kept crying and whispering that she was sorry. After that day, I suffered a terrible headache. It was the most painful and saddest word I heard from Lyrian.
    Why should she be sorry you. When I heard that thought, the regret that I had had disappeared. Carloy inadvertently opened the bottle cap. As soon as I tried to bring it to his mouth, something suddenly struck the vial from above. Liquid spilled over Carloy's lap.
    It was Asher's sheath. Asher was hanging on a tree and hitting a vial. Then, with a carefree expression, he lifted himself up and sat down on a branch.
    "you… … .”
    It wasn't strangely surprising. Somehow, I thought I was too compliant.
    “I know why you are doing this.”
    When I thought I was going to get angry, Carloy was a calm voice. Asher looked down at Karloy, unable to hide his doubts.
    “You are now safe in Croixen even without me. So there is no need to do this.”
    Asher blinked. He wasn't even aware of it. Without Carloy, he wouldn't have to go back to Mach himself. But… … .
    “… … Asher. If you have any pity for me, if you appreciate me a little, just leave it alone.”
    The first voice heard Asher embarrassed and looked at Carloy without knowing what to do.
    "please."
    The orders were familiar, but the requests were not. Rather, the order could have been ignored, but the request was the first. Carloy, who said that, looked so painful... … . Asher really got confused.
    While watching Asher's confusion quietly, Karloy pulled out the vial again from his chest. Before Asher could do anything, Carlo opened the lid and put it in his mouth. When I felt the liquid flowing through my throat, suddenly something struck the vial again. This time the vial rolled and broke.
    Carloy looked up blankly while swallowing what was flowing. Lyrian stood in front of him with a pale face. It's not a drug that has hallucinogenic effects. Carloy thought, vomiting a cough.
    "you. How are you.”
    Seeing the voices heard, it really seems to be there. I didn't understand why Lyrian, who should be in Lexem Sorta, is here. His head was dizzy.
    match. With a sharp sound, Karloy's face turned. Only then did her mind flash. Karloi raised his head and looked up at Lyrian standing in front of him with trembling eyes.
    “What the hell, how. You are here.”
    From his burning throat, Karloy's voice broke out. Then Asher, who was sitting in her heart, quickly descended from the tree and bounced somewhere.
    "you… … . Are you really trying to die?”
    I couldn't believe it. Even when Asher said so, he was brought here without all believing. Even when Carloy was holding a bottle of medicine, it was no wonder. surely. Will Carloy do something like this?
    However, there was no regret, no hesitation, in all the movements of poisoning. Then Lirian knew. Carl really was going to die. I have a plan for that too.
    It was creepy. The fact that if I hadn't been confident enough, I would have really, really, died like this.
    “Why are you here. Why are you.”
    Carloy messed up his head as if it was plucked. Cub I was showing this form because I couldn't do it properly. This feeling of self-destruction was also boring. He was bored of himself.
    “Why are you really doing this?”
    Lyrian, who asked in a trembling voice, finally sat down in front of Karloy.
    “I can’t die, so I live like this! I'm doing this because it's so hard to die, what are you doing?”
    Unable to hold back his anger, Lirian grabbed and shook Karlroy's fat. I felt like I wanted to hit the cheek more if I could.
    Vials fell from Karlroy's body, which was shaking as Lirian shakes. Seeing the bottles of poison that were rolling and rolling on the floor, Lirian let go of his hand from holding Karloy.
    As he tried to pick up the rolling bottle, Karloy grabbed the hand. With a hand too weak to snatch, too trembling.
    “No, don't touch it. Dangerous."
    “How are you doing this to me. How to the end... … . It bothers me to the end.”
    Carloy didn't even hold Lilian's hand for long. He did, but he couldn't even let go. His trembling hand rested on Lyrian's finger, barely one of his fingers.
    "Sorry… … . I can't think of a way other than this.”
    On one of those fingers, the big man cried quickly.
    "Sorry… … . I'm sorry, Lirian. I think this is the best. I am alive because it is too much pain for you and for you. I tried to die so that it wouldn't hurt you. I did... … . Sorry."
    Everything he said was amazing. It was a bastard.
    “I hate to make you say sorry to me, even say sorry… … .”
    You wanted to die just because you heard one saying you're sorry. I met him here and saved him, and now he was about to die here.
    Lyrian realized instinctively. That Karloy regrets surviving that time as a child. The moment I realized it, all kinds of emotions came in like pain.
    “… … There's nothing in your life but me? What am I to you How much do you know about me, how long you've known me, I mean you. Is there no reason to live or die except me?”
    Lirian's voice grew higher and higher. Carloy's body trembled without ejaculation. He thought it was the answer.
    “Why are you really doing this… … .”
    In the end, Lirian was young at the end of her words. This bad guy made her sad. She wanted to shout how, how she would have lived, she could be the only human, person like her, the only meaning.
    “Why did you live so poorly? Why do I live so unhappy that I can't even hate you on my own.”
    Lirian sat down and wept. Whatever it is, anything that is insignificant hurts a person. And it wasn't Karlroy. It was always Lyrian. It was always Lyrian's heart.
    A heart that cannot kill him or save him. I can't love him or hate him.
    My own midst was the most painful.
    “How do you do this. Why live like this and make me not even angry with you... … .”
    At that, Karloy raised his head. He wiped Lyrian's tears with trembling hands.
    “… … no. I lived happily and well. I ate well and lived well. There was no such thing as misfortune. I only lived well when you were hard.”
    The appearance of using her flag and trying to lie further broke Lirian. As Lyrian's cry grew louder, Carloi raised his hand with a painful face.
    “Lian, please… … . Really. I lived well. I lived with everything I would enjoy in a good place. I was happy. There is no reason not to. So it’s because I’m full.”
    I felt like I was going to die from this nerd who only lied in bullshit saying that I would try to comfort myself. Every word he uttered, every lie made Lyrian sick. In fact, he knows that he has never lived well for a single moment and has never been happy for a single moment.
    “So you can hate it. You can be angry.”
    "Bastards ... … .”
    “Please, Lirian. Do not cry. That's right, I did it wrong. I am all... … . So don't cry, please.”
    His hand, which had no place to go, finally wiped away Lyrian's tears again clumsy. Lirian thought of how much he had wiped away his tears from that painful Furtu.
    He's the one who makes himself cry every time and wants not to cry.
    Lyrian felt that it was time to really finish all of this.


    There is one chapter left of the 4th book,
    which is about 50 pages.
    I will upload it soon.
     
  15. psychofreak

    psychofreak Well-Known Member

    Joined:
    Dec 15, 2020
    Messages:
    68
    Likes Received:
    509
    Reading List:
    Link
    A big thank you for the spoilers! Can't imagine the frustration reading this in detail after things went down in the story.

    I've just been following this thread just to see how the author will do some mental gymnastics to justify how to get these two together. Like really, the FL went through so much fucking shit from this guy, and somehow, they still end up together? How? Why? And how? Have I asked how? HOW? Like wouldn't a person that possesses even an ounce of common sense would at least leave the place that has caused them so much pain, and run far far away? And if the ML really wanted to make it up to the FL, the least he could do is let her go, support her behind the scenes, and just quietly let her live the way she wants. If he knows all the pain he had caused her, then the more he should let her go, since he sure as hell doesn't deserve her.

    ...but alas, as with novels like these, somehow the ML and FL still ends up together and live happily ever after because reasons. :facepalm:
     
    Enmea, otakkau, lylac and 41 others like this.
  16. Pearl1995

    Pearl1995 Well-Known Member

    Joined:
    Jan 28, 2020
    Messages:
    274
    Likes Received:
    1,980
    Reading List:
    Link
    This post made my day! Thank you so much for the updates!

    Honestly, I don't feel an ounce of sympathy for the male lead, and his suicide attempt to escape accountability just made me resent him even more. After all that pain and mental anguish he inflicted on FL, he's just going kill himself when he couldn't cope with knowing that he tormented the girl he supposedly loved for years, his benefactor?

    Dude, please! What's gonna happen after you die? She's already in so much pain knowing that her mom chose to jump off the tower to free her and let her have a chance to live freely and happily. Now, she's going to be ridden with even more guilt because of your death. She's going to think "what is the point of living when all these people die to make me happy but I ain't even happy"

    I normally sympathize with people attempting suicide, to think that their mind is in such a bad place that all they want is to end it all. For him? Killing himself is a cowardly way out. What was the point of tormenting FL and trying to eradicate her father. What was the point for every person he has exploited and manipulated to ensure his own safety and stability if he is going to just end it all, because he just can't face the consequences of his actions?

    Living while in pain, doing eveything you can to support her without roping her into a romantic relationship, owning up to what you did, and suffer the consequences, at least do that much.

    I honestly don't know how the author will make them end up together without their relationship being super unhealthy and toxic. She's way too broken and he isn't exactly the right person a trumatized girl like her can rely on.

    Omg. I am soo triggered :blobupset::blobcurse:
     
    Last edited: Jan 4, 2021
  17. Sourwer.XDD

    Sourwer.XDD Well-Known Member

    Joined:
    Sep 6, 2019
    Messages:
    153
    Likes Received:
    1,273
    Reading List:
    Link
    Srsly i don't think suicide should have been any option for ML. If he really regret his actions then he should accept the crime and live with it. After what you have done and harmed the other person, suicide feels like you are just regeretting your behaviour and not owing it. He should live his whole life blaming and regretting himself for redemption.

    And at this point i don't want them to be together in the end. How can you forget the scars your significant other gave to you. Like everytime you see them you will be reminded of their past doings. Isn't their relationship going to become toxic?? It would be like you feel guilt more rather than love.
     
    Last edited: Jan 9, 2021
    otakkau, TrinaAngel, Jo5ee and 34 others like this.
  18. KuranFan

    KuranFan Well-Known Member

    Joined:
    May 29, 2020
    Messages:
    8
    Likes Received:
    29
    Reading List:
    Link
    I hate her mother... I truly do. Yes, I hate the duke more but her mother reminds me of a situation when a kid is raped or something and hides it to protect a "happy family" picture.
     
    chiri.ru, maenochka and beazacha like this.
  19. Elihs

    Elihs Well-Known Member

    Joined:
    Sep 6, 2020
    Messages:
    179
    Likes Received:
    2,238
    Reading List:
    Link
    How is the mother deserving of that hate when she's also powerless and suffering like her daughter? She probably didn't know MC's actual situation since she's being kept in the dark and MC herself hid it from her for her sake since she was ill, so again how is that the mother's fault? The mom is only human and a frail one at that. Did you expect her to have psychic powers or something. Your hatred of MC's mom would only make sense if she was in a position/capability to go against the duke/emperor to defend her daughter in the first place. MC and her mom are both victims of the schemes of powerful and influential people when they themselves are nothing in comparison. It was MC's choice to not say anything to protect her so it's unfair that you're blaming it on a clueless person.
     
    Glutton idiot, Enmea, Kasik and 24 others like this.
  20. KuranFan

    KuranFan Well-Known Member

    Joined:
    May 29, 2020
    Messages:
    8
    Likes Received:
    29
    Reading List:
    Link
    I didn't say that the hate was well deserved, it's just a feeling of mine. I know your point but that doesn't stop me from hating her mother. She's kept in the dark as you well said, but I still hate her :blobunamused:

    Now I love her mom... It was cruel but in her condition, she did the best she could for her daughter.

    Thank you all for the spoilers :cookie::aww::aww:
     
    Last edited by a moderator: Apr 19, 2021