Novel ✪ Memory Corruption (R-18) (Book 1 and 2 Finished) (Book 3 on release now)

Chapter 12


She held it as much as she could, but her bladder soon relaxed too.

-Oh no… -She complained, abashed.

-What was that? -She heard his voice calling by the door.

-It's nothing.

-Belle... Tell me.

-Stop it, it's nothing, I told you.

There was silence and she considered telling him what happened to avoid him coming in to check.

-The water is too hot, turn the other tap.

-How do you know? -She was surprised.

-I know it from the sound. Cool it down, you're gonna pass out.

She did as he said but just a bit. The hot water was marvelous and she washed her hair twice. After cleaning up and making sure the water was very clean, she put the lid on and started to fill the bathtub.

-If you're gonna fill the bathtub. Put in more cold water, now! -He almost screamed.-I'm warning you, I'm gonna turn off the boiler if you don't.

How the fuck do you know? She asked herself, startled.

She did as he said and realized the water was way hotter than she thought. She was feeling kind of sweaty and her skin was bright red. She cleaned her body again with body wash and leaned back on the bathtub. It was very relaxing. She turned down the taps and just sank in the water. She wanted to dive her head but decided not to, for her legs were very weak.
She closed her eyes just a bit.

-Are you sleeping?

-No, I'm awake, stop! - She rubbed her eyes, startled. -I'm gonna get out in a few minutes, I'm just…

-Don't need to, I'm in a conference now, take your time. - He answered more calmly. - Just don't fall asleep.

-Ok.

She tried to hear it if he was saying anything, or talking to anyone. But there was only silence and a soft rain tapping on the window. She dozed off.

-Yes sir. Ryan A. Desmond, SSA, FBI, JTTF, sir. - His intense voice seemed strange to her ears and startled her. Her heart was banging in her ears. A long silence came before she heard him again. -Actually 26, sir. But I assure you my age didn't and won't interfere in the progress or results of the investigation, sir.

So he wasn't even 30. Her heart beat faster, for no apparent reason. She laughed inwardly at the thought that the difference was only by six or seven years. And the guy insisted on treating her like a child!

-Yes, sir. She is willing to cooperate. I really don't believe she took part in any of the attacks. I've sent the reports with all the information she provided. If she hadn't told us about the red door, for example, we wouldn't have the images by now, anyway. - A pause. - Yes, sir. I firmly believe it. - Another pause.- She will.

He was talking about her. She opened her eyelids wide, trying to push the sleep away. She wanted to get out of the bathtub and put her ear to the door. No, she wanted to hear what the other people were saying about her.

-...And that's exactly why I brought her to my house. It's too dangerous and we can't afford to lose her. She might be the key to get him, at least.. - There was a long silence, and she felt drowsy again, but she was awakened by his angry voice. -With all due respect sir, that's none of your concern! No, I can't calm down. She is safe here. If you wanna send reinforcements, I'm not gonna lie, I would like to have at least two cars helping me check on the neighborhood just in case they come and try to take her again. But if you're saying I can't handle it because of my age or if you are implying I'm gonna get distracted by her…-He paused and let the phrase drop.- Your team clearly didn't do a good job checking on my file and history.

He was pissed. She was surprised he managed to say it all without a single swear.

-Sir, I've been on this case for two years, one month and thirteen days. Do you really think I'm gonna ruin it or drop it for a teenager? If you want to offend me at least pick a reasonable motive.

She flinched. It was exactly the same thing he told her a while ago, but with all the teeth and fangs out.

-If I can't get you something new by the end of the month you can have her. But I'm still on the lead of this investigation and I'm telling you she's gonna stay right here and that no kind of torture or force will be used, even if I let you have her.-He added firmly. There was no “sir” this time. - He drugged her. You can't be serious! I'm not gonna take that risk. He drugged her many times and you all know that, I've sent you the lab results, did you even read it?

Drugs? What the hell was he talking about? She tried to understand what he meant. Was it about the anxiety pills? Was he talking about Daniel?

-GHB, cocaine and ketamine. As far as I'm concerned we could arrest him as a drug dealer just for cooking those pills! -His voice grew angrier by the time he finished each sentence.-We don't know how long he's been doing this to her, we don't know if she was his only victim! We don't even know why he did it, he might be raping her for a while now, or making her do stuff for the group.

Raping? She was dizzy and confused. She only recognized cocaine from the list, but by his tone the other two weren't any better. She wished she had her phone with her to google it.

-Yes, making her! She's a victim. Why would he drug her for, if that wasn't the case? To take care of a willing partner in crime? - He spat ironically.- Look, I'm not saying she's totally innocent. But if someone fried your brain with ketamine and cocaine regularly for years, you'll surely forget some stuff. I'm surprised she's not plainly stupid by now, the morherfucker could've killed her!

Fry her brain. Kill her. Her heart was slamming her chest and her ears were buzzing. She trembled violently. The hot water that had soothed her muscles till now suddenly felt very cold. No, Daniel would never harm her. She would remember it if she had been drugged, she would have felt something.

She felt ashamed and humiliated. Why was he saying those things about her anyway? He must have known she would be hearing it. Why would he let her know about it so suddenly if it was the truth? She felt the panic slowly rising, her breathing getting heavier and shorter.

No, not now, I gotta do something. Relax, there's no use in losing your mind right now. With trembling fingers she turned on the tap. The hot water poured and his voice suddenly cut off in the middle of a phrase.

 

Chapter 13


The silence didn't last long, and he continued.

-Sir, if you have nothing to add I would like to end this meeting. I'm tired and I'm not thinking straight. I haven't slept for more than forty hours and been through heavy physical and mental effort in the last few days. I formally apologize for any offense I might have caused you, but I won't send her to you. She'll stay here, where I can keep an eye on her and make sure she's safe. -He sighed loudly.-Yes, I know about it, I can assure you I'm not and won't get emotionally involved. I expect to get new information by the end of the week. She'll probably have trouble getting clean, so it might take a little longer. Don't worry, I think I'll be able to support her. If I need psychological intervention, I'll let you know.

There was a brief pause and he let out a sudden snort.

-Cause I want to put an end to it, sir. That's literally nothing. I will do a lot more if need be, if only I can close this case and put them all on death row...-He paused and lowered his voice. -I really gotta go. Thank you, sir. No offense taken. You too, sir. Goodnight.

There was only silence for a few minutes. Then he said, cautiously.

-Belle? -Desmond said, in a very low voice. -Are you ok?

-Uhum. -It was all she could reply. Her throat was burning as if she had been drinking acid.

-How much of it have you heard? - He phrased it carefully.

She considered lying, saying she had heard nothing, but it would sound ridiculous, so she decided for the truth.

-Pretty much everything. -Her hoarse voice came out in a sob.

Silence.

-I'm very sorry. -He whispered through the door, almost inaudible. Then he cleared his throat and said, in an embarrassed tone. -Are you hungry? I think I'm gonna order Chinese or pizza…

-Anything. -She answered numbly, turning off the tap. The water was very hot and she sank in it till her chin was submerged.

The rain started to knock the window in a steady rhythm and she drifted away, closing her eyes. She tried to remember each time Daniel gave her the pills. It was all in a blur, she couldn't remember the before or after.

Listen to my voice...Focus only on my voice. She could perfectly hear him saying it and almost feel his hands caressing her earlobes or temples as he chanted. When I count to three, you'll fall into a deep sleep with no worries or pain. There will be only calm and happiness. It will all go away like this. She could hear his fingers snapping. One. Snap. Two. Snap.

She gasped for air, clutching desperately at the arms that were holding her up. She threw up a lot of water, drooling and coughing. Her head hurt immensely with the sharp twinges on the back of her eyes and nose. She started to cry as her throat and chest burned with every desperate breath she took. She rested her forehead on his trembling shoulder as he hugged her head, with his fingers tangled up in her messy hair, the other arm wrapped around her chest in an odd angle, with his hand resting near her navel.

Only then she came to her senses realizing what had happened. He was laying on his back on the soaked bathroom floor, his chest heaving up and down vigorously. She was sprawled naked on top of him, her dripping hair sticking all over their faces and necks. She looked around, and tried to reach the towel that was a bit wet as it had fallen to the floor when the bench was knocked down, probably in his desperate bustle to get her out of the water.

His eyes were shut tightly as he tried to catch his own breath and he removed his hands from her body as he felt her efforts to sit up. He cursed and looked at her with wet eyes.

-I told you not to fucking fall asleep. It was the only thing I asked of you. What were you thinking? - He mumbled, unable to fix his gaze in her eyes. He blinked many times, rubbing his eyes with the back of his hand. -If I took longer to come back up… If I hadn't decided to come in...

She couldn't find the strength to apologize. So she just wrapped herself with the towel and stared at him, sniffing.

-You would've been dead. I just told them you were safe here. I brought you here so those bastards can't kill you. I'm going through it all to protect you. - He went on ignoring her shame or remorse. -You would be just a corpse in my bathtub.

He sat up, panting. His shirt was glued to his chest as it was completely soaked. He sighed and took her face in his hand, covering her cheek and wrapping her ear between his fingers.

-Were you trying to kill yourself? - He asked seriously. -Be honest. I think I deserve that much at least.

-What? No, I just relaxed a bit and dozed off, I would never…

She shut up at his fierce gaze.

-Why would I try to… Why would I take my own life now? - She asked him honestly.

His face went dark. He reached out and tugged her arm roughly. She let out a surprised moan at the violent pull, as he showed her forearm almost shoving it at her face.

She blushed and tried to cover it but he held it firmly forcing her to look at it. She knew every one of those scars, she didn't need to look at them. She spent a lot of time covering it with makeup for some years till she just decided to get used to wearing long sleeves.

-I was a child, I didn't know better. -She blushed, staring at the ugly marks that looked like red vines growing on her pale skin.

-Yeah, they seem very old, right? - He answered ironically.

-They are. It was right after the fire, my body was weak, I had to take a lot of medicine, that made it difficult to heal, I couldn't eat and I didn't really follow the doctor's instructions to take care of the skin. They are ugly, that's all, but they are old. - She sniffed, looking away. - I have no reason to lie to you.

He stared at her intently as if to make sure she wasn't lying.

-So, the drowning… Was it just an accident? Is that what you're telling me?- His shoulders dropped as she nodded in embarrassment. -Hell, tell me about bad luck...You were sleeping deeply, what happened? Did you pass out? Why didn't you call me when you felt dizzy?

She shrugged. She didn't want to admit that she probably hypnotized herself by accident.

-How many times? -His jaw clenched as he pointed to her arm. -Till what age? Have you looked for professional help?

-Twice. No, I was too ashamed to tell someone. -She avoided his eyes.- Only my aunt knew it ‘cause she was the one that found me. She too was ashamed, so asked me not to tell...

-You should look for help. You should find out why you hurt yourself and how to fix it. It's not normal. -He said coldly. -How old?

He repeated not letting it go.

-Eleven. A bit more than twelve on the second time.

He nodded with a blank face.

-Did you know Daniel by then? Did he approach you right after?

She paused, not grasping his intentions.

-Yeah, about a month or two after. Why?

-Did he start to give you the pills by then? -His gaze flared. -And the hypnosis shit?

She just wiggled her head, to signal it was more or less that, too scared to make a sound.

He snarled, making a face and cursing very low.

-Come, we need to get you warm again. -He got on his knees and pulled her close. -Help me out, you were a lot heavier... For a moment I thought you were already dead.

He got up with a moan, on trembling legs, and took her in his arms. With her arms enlaced around his neck, he pulled the bench and sat her near the sink, away from the wet floor.

-Don't move. -He checked her foot, which had swollen up a lot and put it up, resting it in the shelf of the storage under the sink. -I'm serious, don't move, I'm pissed as fuck with you by now, don't test me.

She just nodded and tried to sit straight, though her back hurt. He came back with another towel which he put on her head for her to dry her hair and went on to mopping the floor and draining the bathtub. She rubbed her body and hair vigorously with the towels and looked at the clothes, wondering if he would scold her if she tried to reach it.

He sighed and took the shirt. He rolled it and told her bluntly.

-Put your arms up.

She hesitated, but as his brow lifted warningly she obeyed in a clumsy movement, trying to make sure the towel that was wrapped around her bust would stay in place. He slid her arms through the shirt’s sleeves and harshly stuck her head through the hole of the shirt. She pulled the shirt down before he could get his hands to the hem. Then he kneeled and took her painful leg, fitting first one foot then the other inside the shorts.

-I can do it on my own. -She took his hand off her waist as he tried to pull her up from the bench. -I really don't feel comfortable with you doing this, please, let me do this.

He waved his head and let go of her. He walked behind her as she pulled the shorts up and leaned on her good foot to get it past her buttocks and took the towel off her body. She heard a drawer opening and closing behind her and then a loud noise. Her head swung in a jolt.

-Good, it still works. Use it. Don't electrocute yourself or burn down my house with this. -He held out the hairdryer. He checked his phone quickly and put it back inside his pocket.- The food is arriving, I'm gonna leave you for two minutes.

-I don't need it, you can take me with you. -She put the hair dryer away.

-Yes you do, it's cold. You're gonna get sick. - He took her hand and shoved the handle in it. -You're gonna obey me from now on, I've had enough of your stubbornness. Get your hair dry, now.

He came back quickly, as promised. Then he slid to the floor, leaning up against the wall behind her and put his face in his hand as if his head was too heavy or hurting, his elbow resting on his knee.

She dried her hair as fast as she could, throwing glances at him. He was the one who would get sick. His shirt was completely soaked, his face was pale and she could tell he was on the verge of exhaustion. Still he looked up with an impassive expression as she turned off the hairdryer, got up and put it back inside the drawer, closing it a bit harshly.

-Cover up with the towel so I don't get you wet. -He commanded her. She did as he told her to and stayed still as he took her down the stairs, seating her by the table. - Eat. Do you prefer chopsticks or a fork?

-Chopsticks. -She tried to capture his eyes to check if he was mad or just tired. He simply avoided her, moving behind her as he put the boxes in front of her.

-I'm gonna take a shower. Don't answer the door, don't try to get up… Actually, don't do anything besides eating or drinking, do you understand? - He leaned down and looked into her eyes. His gaze was dark and there was no kindness at all. She gulped and looked down. Her eyes stopped in his mouth. She could feel his hot breath tickling up her nose.

-Ok... -She sighed, unconsciously moistening her lips with her tongue.

-Come on!- He grunted and got up, getting away from her as if she was poisonous.-You’re fucking unbelievable!

She didn't understand his behavior, and just followed him with her eyes. He didn't go up, but passed through a door next to the stairs.

A few moments later she heard the boiler turning on with a snapping sound and realized he got in the shower. She wanted to wait for him so they could eat together, but her stomach growled angrily at the idea and her mouth was watering with the smell.

She seized a box and started to eat. Some minutes later, she felt the smell of his perfume and he appeared behind her, with a towel wrapped around his waist.

She blushed and glanced at him, trying not to blatantly stare. He didn't even flinch or stop, just went up the stairs.

-Pretend I'm not here. -He mumbled without looking at her.-I forgot to get clean clothes.

She shyly smiled at him, admiring his muscled back as he disappeared on the limit of the stairs, and turned her attention back to the food that she was devouring.

 

Haa my friend
So far too good

 

Chapter 14


-Did you like it? -He collapsed to the chair next to her and grabbed the closest box and chopsticks.

-The food? -She replied, covering her mouth that was still full.

-What else? -He frowned. Then he added without waiting for a reply. - I received some videos I'd like you to watch and tell me what they mean to you. Do you think you can do it tonight? I have material for two or three hours, but we won't need to watch it all.

She nodded. That was the least she could do for him. She wondered what kind of videos he was intending to show her. She got goosebumps when she thought he might show more images of her doing things she didn't remember she did.

-In fact, let's leave it for tomorrow… You must be too tired… - He added, not bothering about the food rolling inside his mouth while he talked. -You had a hell of a day today.

-I could say the same about you. -She nodded. -But I'm not sure if I'll be able to sleep tonight. I don't know if it is the adrenaline still running inside my body. I feel...Weird.

-You don't know what a rough day in my life is like. I mean, the GPS car chase, watching you bungee jumping without a rope and finding a dead naked girl in my bathtub, those were quite disturbing, surely. - He shrugged. Then his face got serious. -You goddam scared me there. It would have been one of the worst failures of my life to have you dying that way while you were under my watch.

-I didn't know there was a ranking. How am I allowed to die under your watch? -She chuckled, trying to lighten the mood.-I mean, what are the top five methods?

-That's not what I meant to say.-He smirked and shook his head.-It's only that it would be the second time that I knew someone I cared about was in danger, I knew exactly how and what to do to avoid it and didn't act when I should for some trivial reason. I don't like the feeling of being dumb and powerless.

The silence was back, sinking, heavy and solid.

-I should have told you to drain it and get off. It was obvious you'd panic after hearing all that shit.-He slid his food away and looked at her. She did the same, reluctantly. - I'm really sorry. I was furious. I totally forgot you could hear me. I can explain everything to you now...

She really didn't want to hear his explanation about any of those things. Not tonight. But she was afraid he would think she already knew about it all if she told him so. She looked up at the ceiling and decided to make sure he was the one to avoid the subject.

-Is that the reason? -She took a sip of water to moist her lips as he turned his head in an angle and frowned, wondering what she meant. -The reason why you avoid me… You clearly feel something, even if it's just physical…

-Don't… Just don't. -He cut her off. He looked around and then rubbed his wet hair vigorously with one hand, irritated. -Really? Is that what you have to ask?

-Are you afraid of getting… emotionally involved, was that the term? - She went on, ignoring his reaction. -Are you afraid they are gonna take you out of the case if they find out you covet me somehow?

-Ok, that's it! Holly crap, you're completely crazy! -He slammed his open hand at the table and got up, startling her. -You find out your cunt of a boyfriend has been frying you with date-rape drugs for years, that he's suspect of leading one of the most hunted terrorist groups of your country and that you yourself might have killed a bunch of people without even knowing about it and your main concern is why I'm avoiding to get into your pants? Really?

She tried to interrupt him twice, saying Daniel wasn't her boyfriend and that she never killed anyone, but he leaned over her and slammed his hand on the table loudly to punctuate each phrase. He got closer and towered over her.

-Do you have any idea of how many reports of police raping and sexual abuse by cops we receive every year? Thousands. How many of them are taken to court or even get charged? Perhaps three or four hundred.- His face was so close she couldn't look into it as a whole, she focused on one eye.-Now… Do you know how many of those are condemned and arrested? I only heard about fourteen of them since I joined the NYPD. All of them made terrible mistakes that they could easily have fixed before the investigations went on. They didn't because they were too dumb, not because they couldn't. And I never… Never! Never heard of an FBI agent being even investigated for this reason.

He took a handful of her hair and pulled her head back, forcing her to face the ceiling. Her neck protested with the stiff and sudden movement and her back was pressed against the chair in an unusual way. She tried to take his hand away but he gripped her arm with his other hand.

-Are you sure you really want it? -His mouth was dangerously close to hers, and his hot breath filled her face from nose to chin, but this time all that she wanted was to get away from him. -Say it. Do you want this to happen?

-Let go of me.-The smell of his shampoo mixed perfectly with his perfume, invading her nostrils. Surprisingly, now it wasn't inviting, it made her feel repulsed and sick.

She tried to push him away by his chest, feeling his muscles stiff under her fingers and get as hard as stone. He looked down at her hand and his wet hair tickled her nose. He looked back at her face, slowly, his cold eyes darting to hers.

-Or what? Are you gonna scream? Are you gonna cry or beg? Answer me, what are you planning to do if I don't let go of you?- He pulled her legs apart with his knee and stepped between them, predicting her intention to hit his crotch with her own knee. She tried to kick and close her legs, but he was quicker and stronger. He grabbed her other fist, locking both in one large hand, making her completely vulnerable and powerless.- So? Do you still want it? Do you still think it's funny or arousing?

As a last resort, she threw her head upward, trying to hit his face with her forehead, but his firm grip on her hair stopped it.

-Wow, nice try. Cute as a cub trying to roar.-He gave her a sinister smile and put much more strength to his grip and pull. She gasped and winced. -That's the last time I'll ask you, Isabelle. Do you still want it now? Do you want me to get physical with you?

-No. -She moaned.-Please, you're hurting me.

-If it flatters you, I'll admit you're gorgeous. But as I told you before, we're not here for that kind of shit.- He took a step back, avoiding the range of her knees before letting go of her wrists and hair. She massaged her wrists, although her ego was hurting way more than his lingering grip. -I'm not your friend, nor your lover, or anything other than the person responsible for getting information from you. Try to remember it.

He got back to his chair and sat, rubbing his own neck and shoulders.

-I'm gonna make the bed for you. I don't really feel like talking to you right now. Wait here. -He got up, and started to clean up the table.

-Can I sit on the couch? My back is hurting. -She whispered, with teary eyes.

He didn't take her in his arms this time, just gave her support so she could get to the sofa without leaning on her sprained ankle.

He pulled the seats turning it into a bed and put a pillow under her foot to keep it on an upper level.

-Are you bipolar or what? -She frowned at him as she saw him coming back with an ice pack and a towel and carefully wrapped it in her swollen ankle.

-Just because I don't want you to keep flirting with me, it doesn't mean I don't care for you. -He answered without looking up.

-You freaked out two minutes ago! How can you be so calm now? - She whined.

-Why are you crying?-He looked up just to check her wet face.-What? Really? Are you gonna try to make me feel guilty for something you caused?

-I caused it? -She sobbed. -You attacked me out of nowhere, just because of a question!

-I attacked you ‘cause you needed to learn a lesson. Men are generally assholes, the sooner you get it, the better.-He got up.-I'm not discussing it again with you. You're too naive for your own good.

-Are you a rapist? A maniac? Why would I have to be afraid of you?- She rubbed her chin and cheeks with the back of her hands to stop the tears from rolling down to her neck. -I trusted you. You meant something to me, that was all!

She looked down and sobbed, sniffing hard. He stared down at her, stepping close, but gave up midway and moved away to the stairs.She hugged a pillow and cried till the exhaustion took over and she fell asleep.

She woke up with his chest pressing her temple and a sharp pain in her leg as he took off the ice pack to lift her up.
She kicked and shoved herself away from him, clawing at his face fiercely.

-What happened?- He exclaimed, barely avoiding her nails.

-Don't touch me. -She replied harshly.

-And how am I supposed to take you upstairs?-He flushed, surprised by her attitude.

She looked down at the carpet.

-I can sleep on the floor. -She started to drag herself to the edge of the sofa.

-Like hell you will. Get back. -He walked over, blocking her way. -Why are you even doing this? I'm tired, I don't feel like playing games. If you don't want me to touch you, I don't know, crawl upstairs, I don't even care how you do it, but you won't sleep on the floor while I sleep on the couch, that's just ridiculous.

She sighed and pushed him hard, trying to get him out of her way. He staggered one inch back, surprised by her strength.

-Why are you doing this? -He repeated, trying to touch her cheek. She punched his hand away with all her strength. He frowned and clicked his tongue. -Hey! What the fuck do you think you're doing? That's enough!

As she just grunted in reply. He crouched in front of her, holding her knees down with one arm to avoid a surprise attack and looked into her eyes.

-Isabelle...What got you started? Are you craving for the pills? -He looked into her eyes, genuinely concerned. -You used to take it every time something bad happened to you, everytime something went wrong, right?

She lifted her head very slowly and stared at him. She was pissed because of what he did, not for lack of pills. She felt weird, and dizzy, as if she had breathed in and out very rapidly for a long time. Her mouth was dry and she had that strong feeling that he was trying to trick her.

-Talk to me. What are you feeling? Do you want to throw up?You look terrible...-But she just stared around the room, like an encased animal, searching for hidden cameras. She was sure he was trying to do something to her, she just didn't know what. - Look at me. How often did you take those pills? I took them from you on the day before yesterday, in the morning, but was it the last time you took it?

Her head sank back and she shut her eyes. He lifted her body and laid her back on the couch, putting the ice pack and the pillow back.

-What are you doing to me? - She tried to scream but her voice came out hoarse and slurred.

-Why are you hoarse? What are you feeling? Talk to me! -He insisted, getting his cellphone to check the time and try to calculate how many hours have passed since he took away her pills.-I need your help here, try to remember the last time you took the pills and how many you used to take per day…

She kicked the ice pack to the side and curled up, holding her knees and turning her back to him.

-What are you feeling? I can't help you if you don't talk to me. -He crouched beside her and checked the inside of her eyelids. She shoved his hand away again and tried to slap him in the face. He sat back, sighing.

-Go away.- She answered. -Leave me alone. I don't need your help.

Her eyes were swollen because of the tears, but he could tell she was tired and sleepy.

-Shit, it wasn't your fault… You sleeping in the bathtub... It was the crash.

 

Chapter 15


-I wouldn't call you this late if it wasn't important, Magda. -Ryan tried to keep his voice as low as possible, sneaking a peak at her sleeping figure, as he leaned on the doorway.-I need your help.

He was exhausted. Burning eyes, sore muscles, a throbbing unbearable headache...All of it has been numbed with the realization that he had an addict facing withdrawal symptoms in his sofa.

At first he thought he would know how to deal with it. As an officer he had to deal almost daily with drug dealers and addicts, but he never really cared enough to try to help them. In fact he did what he had to do and was more than happy to get them out of his face.

But shit went out of control. She wasn't just irritated as he thought she would be. She was violent. He hadn't even expected her to experience any kind of abstinence crisis, as she had been ingesting the drug, not injecting it or snorting it.

-Ok, let's say if someone really small, about 110 pounds, would eat cocaine everyday for the last seven years…

-Eaten?-The woman replied on the other side of the line, confused.

-Yes, eaten it, like in a pill. -He explained.

-How much cocaine is in each pill?

- I have no idea, let's say 1 gram. -He answered bluntly. -That's not my point. Can she experience the same symptoms as a user?

-She is a user. Doing drugs is doing drugs, doesn't really matter how you put it in your system. -She replied vehemently. -But I have to tell you, I never heard about someone eating cocaine. How is her stomach?

-What do you mean? She didn't throw up. Should she?

-No, I mean, she might have ulcers. -Magda chuckled at his worried tone.-What do you wanna know anyway, Ryan? You woke me up to tell me about your weird drugged girlfriend?

-I need your help to get her clean. -He concluded objectively. -She signaled a crash, although it was very weird…

-What do you mean?

-Well, she's tired and sleepy as expected. But she won't sleep long, only for a few minutes and then wake up and cry. A lot.-He looked at her again as he heard her tossing and turning.-She won't tell me, but I think there are nightmares. Her behavior keeps fluctuating between depressing and violent…

-Irritated. -She corrected.

-Plain violent. I've been watching her for months, she never behaved like that, she tried to scratch me in the face more than once. She's kicking too, like crazy.

-What are you doing to the girl, Ryan? Who's she, anyway?

-A witness. I'm just taking care of her, she's important for my case. -He sighed.-Can you come over and help me?

-Right now? Are you out of your mind? -Magda’s loud laugh made him flush.-No way, boy. I'm willing to help, but I'm not going to drive to your place at 2 a.m. for this. There's nothing to help you with anyway, she's gonna be like that for at least 4 days. If she consumed that much for that long, it may take weeks, and it will get worse afterwards, the real withdrawal may take months and she'll crave a lot. You should take her to a clinic.

-I can't, there's people trying to find her and kill her. We can't afford the risks.-He mumbled. -Anyway, do you think she's been snorting it? I mean, isn't it weird that she would experience it that strongly just by ingesting it?

-As I told you, I never had a patient that ate cocaine. And certainly not for that long.

Ryan rested his head in his arm and stared at Belle’s face, half hidden by her tangled hair.

-What am I supposed to do, anyway? How can I help her?

-Go to sleep. It will be terrible to her with or without you. And she'll need you to keep reminding her it will be good for her to get rid of the drug.-She said, patiently.-She'll be very hungry in the next few days. Chocolate is a nice option, and coffee. Anything that helps her body provide dopamine naturally, even though the reception won't exactly be efficient, it might help.

And try not to get frustrated, she won't be able to feel well, even with your efforts. Her body will crave for the pleasure the drug used to provide.

-Will you come over tomorrow?

-Maybe. If I'm in a very good mood and get time to. -Magda grunted. -What kind of chocolate will you get for us?

-Belgian? Swiss? -He smirked. - I'll buy you all the chocolate you want if you help me through this.

-Noted. Go to sleep. And don't call me again.

-Goodnight Magda…

-Good luck, my boy, you're gonna need it.- She hung out before he could reply.

He kept staring at the tiny figure curled up half covered by the blanket. Her eyebrows were deeply creased as if she was experiencing some terrible pain. His shirt was sticking to his chest and back. He crawled back to her side and tried to sleep.

He felt her nails digging in his arm and woke up, instinctively backing away.

-Ouch! -He exclaimed looking around. He saw her eyes opening wide and she flinched, taking her hand off his arm, as if it burned her skin.

-I'm sorry. I had a nightmare.-She was panting and sweating.

-It's ok. Do you want some water? -He asked, rubbing his aching arm.-Do you need to go to the toilet or something?

-Water, please. -She replied, sitting up.

He got up and poured two glasses. He drank his at once, watching her sipping in hers.

-Do you need to pee? -He insisted.

-I want to brush my teeth. I have a bad taste in my mouth.-She grimaced.

-Ok. Can I take you upstairs or are you gonna…- Desmond didn't know how to say “lose your shit and act like a crazy bitch again” without offending her.

-I'm sorry, I don't know why I did it. -She apologized, putting the sleeve that had slid to her forearm back to her shoulder.-It's as if I hadn't control over my body. I'm sorry.

-It's ok, your brain is trying to adapt, you'll get over it, don't worry.

-Wouldn't it be easier to just give me a pill?-She bit her lip and looked at him expectantly.

Desmond didn't answer. He came over and extended his arms letting her approach before taking her.

He waited outside while she used the toilet and helped her get to the sink, where she brushed her teeth and watched her face. Both of them had profound dark circles under their eyes, but her state seemed way worse.

-You look like a zombie. -He mocked her. She didn't seem to find it funny. He stopped laughing.

-Why don't you just give me the damn pill? -She asked him.

-The pill isn't good for you.

-I felt better with it than I'm feeling right now.

-That's because…-He said, picking her up and turning off the light. -You're addicted to it. And the asshole put cocaine in it to make you crave for it and keep you under him.

-Daniel wouldn't do this to me on purpose. I bet he didn't know about the drugs, he thought it was relaxing pills. -Belle rested her head on his shoulder, sniffing his neck vigorously. -You smell so good.

-He cooked the pills himself, Belle. He knew exactly what it would do to you. -He put her down on the sofa and hastily put some space between them.-And it's called a date-rape drug. It's used to make someone vulnerable enough so you can abuse them without them even remembering what happened to them. Does it ring a bell?

Belle glared at him, finding it all too hard to believe.

-Look…-She looked down, sitting with her back straight, trying to decide if she should tell him what she was about to. -I'm a virgin, no one raped me.

He stared at her blankly.

-How do you know?

-What?

-How do you know you're still a virgin? -He replied, uncomfortable with the subject but not willing to lose the argument. -You can't know, unless you’ve been examined by a doctor. Were you examined by a doctor?

She blushed and stared at him.

-You can't know. It's not your fault.-He shrugged. -Don't blame yourself, anyway, but at least stop defending the asshole who abused you for half a decade. He didn't do shit to deserve it.

Desmond turned on the tv and zapped through the security camera images. It was a quick routine that he had done a bunch of times in the last few hours. She watched him as he did it. As he turned off the tv and laid back on his pillow covering himself with the blanket he caught her staring.

-What?-He frowned as she turned away.

-Why do you do it?

-What do you mean? I'm just checking the neighborhood. We'll have a scout in two days or so, but till then I have to make sure we're safe. -Seeing her expression he added.-Don't worry, only a few trusted ones know you're here. They won't find you easily.

She laid with her eyes open, staring at the ceiling. Her hands trembled slightly. Am I really craving for the pill? Did Daniel abuse me? Why would he want to drug me anyway? She felt something tickle her temple and tried to take it off with her hand. It was a tear.

Then she felt Desmond warm fingers wrapping between hers.

-You'll get over it, don't worry. It'll be alright. -He whispered half asleep.

-Thanks.-She sniffed. She hesitated, then whispered back, boldly. -Can you hug me, please?

His eyes opened and he stared at her face for a long time. Then he sighed and pulled her to his chest, holding her with one arm, rubbing her shoulder carefully. She hugged his torso and buried her face in his chest.

It felt good. It was warm and firm. The smell of his perfume was different, probably because it was now mixed with his clean sweat. She knew he was uncomfortable but right now she couldn't afford to feel ashamed or guilty, she just wanted to stop feeling miserable. It felt very good. She tightened the hug, resting her knee on his abdomen as she curled up. Before she knew it she was deep asleep.

She woke up a few more times, but she didn't cry again. He was always there, with his hand caressing the back of her head soothing her with his calm voice, explaining to her that it was just a nightmare and urging her to go back to sleep. Eventually exhaustion got the best of both of them and they slept for hours without interruption.

 

Haa you're a blessing. Thank you so much for this bonus

 

This is slowly becoming my new obsession! My curiosity is dying to see how the mystery is going to unfold and see the two leads relationship grow/progress

 

Chapter 16


When she woke up, she could see the rays of light piercing through the gaps above and around the curtains. Belle looked around, trying to grasp where she was and absorb everything that happened.

She felt a heavy breath at the top of her head and suddenly got conscious of Desmond’s chest glued to her back. He had one arm under the gap formed by her neck and the other firmly wrapped around her waist. Her fingers of both hands were intertwined in his. She blushed and her body felt hot. She'd never cuddled with someone before.

She felt his warm breath hit the top of her head again. It was weird, but cozy. She leaned back, trying to find a better position for her hurting ankle and felt his arm tightening even more around her waist, pulling her body against his. She blushed violently when she became aware of his erection pressed against her buttocks.

She moved her hips away from him. Should I wake him up or should I pretend it didn't happen? But she didn't need to do anything. A few seconds later Desmond exhaled harshly and woke up.

He urgently pulled back, putting distance between her back and his chest and released his grip to her hand, laying on his back and cursing in a low voice. He lifted his upper body to get a glance at her face to check if she was still asleep. If he noticed she wasn't, he pretended he didn't. He carefully rescued his other arm from under her and got up, heading straight to the bathroom.

Belle smiled to herself and rolled over as she heard the boiler turning on.

She woke up to the smell of his perfume, as he got out of the toiled, rubbing his head with the towel. With a glance, she noticed he was wearing the same shirt, and she heard his steps as he went upstairs, probably to change it.

She tried to go back to sleep, but her mind was wide awake. He came back, wearing a clean shirt.

-Do you want me to take you to bed? -He asked her as he stopped beside her.

-Sorry? -She asked him, confused, not sure if she heard it right.

Desmond blushed, realizing the double meaning. He shook his head and smiled, embarrassed.

-Do you want me to take you upstairs, so you can sleep in the bed? I’m gonna work from home today. It's still very early in the morning, you don't have to wake up yet. -He put his hand on her forehead, checking for fever. -You had a rough night. How is your ankle?

She moved the leg and grimaced. It was hurting terribly.

-I'm ok, I want to wake up now. Can I take a shower too? -She yawned.

He sighed and looked down at her.

-I'm really afraid of leaving you alone inside the bathtub again…

-I won't fill it up again. I don't wanna die, Desmond, it was just an accident.

He was clearly frustrated, but nodded.

-Your clothes are dry, do you wanna use them?

-Did you wash my clothes? My underwear?

-Yep.- He simply answered, taking her in his arms.

She was very ashamed, especially about him seeing the ugly underwear. It was the kind of underwear that Chloe would make fun of, plain and beige, like a “grandma’s underwear”. He noticed as her face went full red and added.

-It was dirty and wet, I had to wash it.

-I know, I just… -She didn't know how to explain it, so she just shut up.

-Will you want it? -He asked her.

-My underwear, please. -She was suddenly very aware about the tip of her breasts pointing through the fabric of the shirt. -But I think I'll be more comfortable with this shirt and shorts than with my jeans and blouse.

-I can check through Samantha’s stuff if there's something that fits you. -He sat her on the toilet lid and looked at her face with a blank expression. -She was taller, but she was thin...

-No, there's no need to.

-I told you, the maid washes everything once per month, it will be clean.

-I just don't want to… I like wearing your shirt. -She protested.

He frowned, looking at her.

-Is that so? Why?

-I don't know, it's comfortable. - She shrugged, embracing the shirt around her body. -It feels good.

-Hm. -He grunted. -I'll let you use the bathroom. Let me know if you need something, I'm gonna go grab a towel and the clothes.

She was too embarrassed to use the bathroom, especially knowing that the door was unlocked, but her bladder decided it didn't really care for her shame. She tested her foot and managed to half get up to take off the shorts and sit back. She felt confident, her muscles were getting stronger and her ankle didn't hurt as much as the day before.

After flushing she tried to jump her way to the sink to wash her hands and realized she wasn't that strong. There was a knock on the door.

-You may come in. -She answered, panting.

-Did you jump to the sink? -He reproached her as he saw her washing her hands. -You could've waited for me.

-I wanted to try. My ankle is getting better.

-Yeah, certainly, my tiny Wolverine. -He mocked her. -It'll magically recover ‘cause you're so badass.

-I'm not saying it's healed. It's just better.

He grunted and sat her back on the toilet lid and put the towel on her lap to help her strip from the shorts.

-I think I can do this on my own.

-I know you can. It's just to avoid forcing your ankle. -He took her hand off as she tried to push his hand away. -We both want it to heal faster, righ?

-It won't touch my ankle, it's baggy. I can do it!

He sighed and glared at her.

-Fine, do as it pleases you. -He took her briskly and put her inside the bathtub. -Here are your bra and panties and a clean shirt. And here is the clean towel. Anything else?

-No, thank you.

He stared at her for a few seconds, as if he wanted to say something, then he turned and got out.

He was right about the shorts, but she was too proud to ask him to come back. She managed to take it off, using the fingers of her other feet to pull down the hem of the shorts. Her ankle hurt a lot as the fabric rubbed in it, but she suppressed the moan.

She regulated the water so it was just warm enough for her to feel comfortable. She tried not to think about what happened the last few days as she cleaned her body, but the memories were all too clear.

She suppressed the tears, because she didn't want Desmond to think she would be a burden to him, being depressed all the time. Still, she was sad, ashamed and angry. Everything she lived for almost half of her life was a lie. She had been abused, one way or another by someone she dedicated a good part of her heart, thoughts and time.

She closed her eyes, as she lifted her head high and pressed her lips hard as she fought the urge to scream as loud as she could. The water hit her face and chest, making her delicate skin get a bit numb. She focused on the sensation. That was what she wanted to feel, that sensation of not being able to feel anything.

This night had been the worst in terms of nightmares… She was used to waking up to the sound of her mother screaming desperately for help, or to the smell of burning hair and smoke. After the first few years, her mind grew numb and it didn’t scare or hurt so much anymore.

But last night was different. First of all because it had been very vivid, like a hallucination. Secondly because it had nothing to do with the night of the fire.

First she had a nightmare about Bill. She knew it was more about her conscience than about fear. He was crying and sweating, asking her why she had forsaken him and left him to die. You promised me, you said you’d never want to get rid of me… Why did you do this to me, Belle? Why did you kill me?

Then, there was Daniel, saying he would take care of her. His smile was devilish and cruel, and he had a rope in one hand and a bat on the other, like the ones she saw in the cabin. As she tried to back away from him and run, the ground vanished from under her feet. She fell back, not being able to hold on to anything, exactly as it had happened on the abandoned construction site. Only this time, the water was much deeper, so she sank deeply. She tried to swim up, and when she was about to reach the surface, Chloe’s pixie-like face appeared in front of her and her hand held Belle's hair, pulling her under. At her side, Trevor took his phone out of his pocket and started to film it, laughing all along. Her nose was less than one inch to the surface, still, Chloe's firm grip wouldn't allow her to reach it. She cried for help, drowning even faster, and there was no sound.

Then there was this one nightmare, that made her wake up soaked in sweat and claw at Desmond's arm. She was inside Desmond’s car, alone. The door opened, but Daniel entered and sat on the driver's seat, closing the door behind him and starting the car. She looked at him, confused. There was no sound, but she knew she asked him where Desmond was. Daniel answered nonchalantly that she herself had killed him. She wanted to get out of the car, but her arms wouldn’t respond. Her head sank down and she felt as if she was a puppet, with invisible threads controlling her movements. Daniel smiled and lifted his arm. To her surprise, her own arm went up and she realized she was holding something big and heavy, moistened, but smooth. She looked down and realized she was holding someone’s head, by his hair. Her eyes darted to Daniel’s, startled, and he laughed, nodding for her to look back to the head. He turned his own hand and she involuntarily followed the movement. She didn’t really have to look to know who it was, but she couldn’t turn her head and the face was lifted in front of her eyes, the blood dripping from the severed neck and his half open mouth. His dark brown eyes were fixed in hers, but they were dry and empty. The greenish golden ring seemed almost nonexistent as his pupils were huge. She tried to scream at the top of her lungs, but her mouth wouldn’t open.

I deserved to die… I should've died in that fire. Bill and those people… They all died because I was too naive and dumb to realize what Daniel was capable of. She thought, bitterly. But then she remembered Desmond and how he looked worried as she fell from the building or when he got her out of the bathtub as she drowned, and her chest felt tight. No, that's wrong, I shouldn't think like that. I can't die this way, I have someone that cares, now. Someone that sees a reason for her to be alive, at least. Someone for whom she can be useful.

She grimaced as she realized she'd been humming “everything I wanted” and shut her mouth immediately.

She stopped and listened just to be sure he wasn't near and didn't hear her with those amazing ears. When she was feeling more assured, she finished bathing, turned the taps and sat on the edge of the bathtub, wrapping herself with the towel after drying her body as best as she could.

-Desmond? -She called him very low. Then said a bit louder. -Desmond? Can you hear me?

-Hold on! -She heard his voice from some room to her left.

She waited, looking down at her ankle, that was way less swollen, but still looked bad.

-May I come in? -He asked through the door.

-Yes, please.

He took her to the bedroom, sitting her on the bed. It was a king size with impeccable light colored bedding and tastefully decorated. Even the lights had been carefully chosen to grant a cozy atmosphere to it.

-I'm working on something, so I'm gonna leave you here for the next few hours. Call me if you need me, anyway. Don't be ashamed, you won't be bothering me, ok? -He handed her the clothes he had retrieved from the bathroom. -Do you need something now? My maid, Marrie, will bring you breakfast in a minute. I prepared it a few minutes ago, it must still be warm…

He seemed to be eager to go back to whatever he had been working on, glancing at the door.

-Do you need something else?

-No, thank you for your kindness, Desmond. And sorry for troubling you so much. -She looked down.

-That's hardly your fault, don't mind it. Just try not to rip off my eyes the next time you go berserk. -He smiled. -Ah, a friend of mine might pay you a visit later, I hope you don't mind it… She's a forensic psychologist, but don't worry, she's coming as a personal favor to me, not on duty. I'd appreciate it if you tried to allow her to help you.

She could tell that he was making a great effort to use the right words, like walking on thin ice.

-Thank you, Desmond. -She nodded with a shy smile. -I will.

He nodded and closed the door behind him, after turning off the lights.

She dressed herself, dried her hair with the towel and rolled herself in a ball on a corner of the bed, not wanting to ruin the neatly made up bedding, but too sore to be seated.

Some minutes later she heard a knock on the door and she lifted herself to sit.

-Yes? -She said, timidly.

-Miss Isabelle? I brought you breakfast. May I come in? -A woman's voice called.

-Sure, thank you. -She smiled. She was very hungry.

The woman opened the door, bringing a tray with a bunch of things in it. She asked Belle to lean against the headboard and put the tray over her lap, forming a small table.

Belle smiled and thanked her.

-Oh, no, my dear, you're welcome. Call me if you need anything, will you? -The woman smiled.

She wasn't old, maybe around her forties. She had a motherly kindness that made Belle smile every time she saw her.

She didn't stay long inside the room, checking for any sign of something out of place and organizing the clothes Desmond took out of place in his search for his smallest pieces of clothes. Belle stole a glance on his wardrobe and was very surprised with the tidiness of it, but hearing the woman clicking her tongue just because he put a gray shirt among the black ones, she realized that the person obsessed with organization was Marrie.

-Is he too demanding? -Belle asked, taking a bite of her scrambled eggs and a piece of one of the generous slices of bacon, as she saw her gathering the things to leave the room.

-Who, Ryan? -She frowned. Even frowning, she looked like an adorable person. -Not really. He's a very just and honest person, and he's clear with his instructions. I have nothing to complain about.

-Do you work here long? -Belle asked, sipping on her orange juice.

-Yes, I used to work at his parents house with my mother and my aunt. He was a very handsome boy. I thought he would become an actor or model. -Marrie smiled kindly, then shook her head as if disapproving. -He was still very young, when he decided to join the army. The house was so sad without him.

Belle nodded, remembering his clothes on the night he first saved her life.

-I was terrified for him. Good thing he came back in one piece and decided to join the police. -She nodded. -I mean, it's not exactly a safe profession, but with those crazy world leaders we have these days, it's horrible even to think of him being called again for those senseless wars. It was by then that he invited me to work for him, since he would move out.

-Did he go to war? -Belle's eyes narrowed, very curious.

-He was only 18! - The woman put a hand on her cheek and the other to her waist, mortified. -He stayed in Afghanistan for almost two years.

-And how did he leave the army, then?- Belle asked her, puzzled. -How did he get into the FBI? I thought he hadn't taken the oath!

-Oh… -She seemed distressed. -I'm sorry, I don't really know if it's my place to talk about it...

-My brother died in service. -Desmond said, nonchalantly. -There's a thing in the army called sole survivor policy… I was basically forced to come back home, like a coward. My superior didn't like me, he said I was too light hearted toward the civilians and that I would get myself killed sooner or later for not treating them as enemies.

Both of them stared at him, startled, as none had noticed him leaning at the door.

-My father started to press me to request discharge from the military service. We fought a lot because I was trying to nullify my superior’s request for non combat assignment, while my father thought my intention was to turn it into a resignation of the army. -He sighed, as Marrie looked at him with a reproaching shaking of her head. -In one of the times we were fighting he had a heart attack...

He pinched the bridge of his nose and snorted, as if the subject still annoyed him greatly.

-My mother got into a miserable state, even after he recovered… So I decided to apply for a job opportunity in the NYPD. That war is stupid in many senses and our commander matched it perfectly. I would end up killing him if I didn't get out, anyway… -He shrugged, continuing the story in a monotonous tone. -I focused on my studies and in improving my physical conditions, then served in the NYPD till I got 23, when I applied for the FBI. One year later I got promoted and transferred to the joint terrorist task force and here we are.

He looked into Belle’s eyes in an accusatory tone.

-Do you have any other personal questions to ask about me? Some would say it'd be better to ask it directly to me, if you do.

She blushed and looked down, realizing she had basically used Marrie to gather information about him, even if involuntarily.

-I'm sorry, I didn't mean to pry…

-Sure. -He lifted one eyebrow. -Here, this is for you.

He put a paper bag in front of her on the bed. Then leaned over her ankle and wrapped it with the towel with the ice bag.

-Take it out in twenty minutes or so… Maybe half a hour. Just don't leave it much longer, it's not that swollen anymore. Was it good? -He pointed to the empty plates.

She had eaten everything: a well served plate of scrambled eggs and bacon, two thick and fluffy pancakes with honey, a bowl of yogurt with granola, raspberries and blueberries, and one piece of melon. The side of his mouth went up when he noticed she hadn't left anything other than the rind.

-Very much. Thank you, it was amazing. I'm feeling kind of pampered... -She blushed as she nodded. She reached out to get the paper bag as he took the tray and handed it to Marrie, who left the bedroom with an embarrassed nod. -What is this?

Inside there were five chocolate bars, of all varieties.

-Oh, what had I done to deserve it? -She looked at him, happy, but puzzled.

-Eat it every time you feel annoyed or sad. -He smiled kindly. -It will help your brain to produce the hormones you stopped producing because the drug was providing it in excess, or something like that.

-Ahm… -Her smile withered a bit, but she looked up at him and nodded. -Thank you, Desmond.

They stared at each other for a while, then he started to turn toward the door.

-Do you need something? You should try to get more sleep. I'm kind of sleepy, you must be too. -He leaned on the doorway.

-Not really, I'm feeling a bit restless. -She bit her lower lip, then jumped up as an idea came to her mind. -Ah, there were those videos you wanted to show me! Do you wanna check them now?

-Oh, no, it can wait. -He shoved the subject aside, putting his hand on the doorknob. -Rest a bit, I'm occupied with another subject now… We can check it later.

-I thought it was important, to help with the investigation… What if I remember something, watching it? -She turned her head to the side, confused and curious by his attitude.

-It is, but it can wait, don't worry. Focus on getting better for now, we can watch it tonight. -He waved his hand as if he could erase the idea from her mind.-Do you need something?

-I wish I could listen to music… -She hid her pouting by biting her lip. -I know it's silly, but I miss it, and you took my phone.

-I can't give you your phone back, Belle. Even if I could, I left it at the precinct. -He looked at her with an apologetic expression. -I'm almost sure that we used to have an old iPod stored somewhere… I can ask Marrie to look for it for you but I won't be able to stop to download songs for you right now, sorry.

-Oh, you don't need to… -She said, but felt anxious by the mention of the iPod. -But if she happens to know where it is and if it has songs in it, I would love to have it.

He grimaced.

-I'm gonna ask her. But lower your expectations, it's a very old iPod, it might not even work and even if it does, it's from when I was a teenager. -He shook his head and made a disgusted face. -I'm pretty sure there's nothing you'd like in it.

-Now you got my curiosity on top of it… -She smirked. -If it won't be a burden to you or to her, I'd appreciate it if you asked her if she knows where it is.

He sighed, as if regretting mentioning it, but nodded and closed the door behind him.

Belle put the paper bag with the chocolates on the bedside table and laid down to try to sleep. The sun was coming through the window and creating a bright square on the opposite wall. She just stared at it, unable to sleep. She rolled and turned, but her head wouldn’t stop bothering her with intense thoughts about how useless she was or about how angry she was toward Daniel or herself. She craved for the effect of the pills even more, but at the same time was terrified about the idea of having one inside her mouth. In fact, she felt repelled by the idea of even putting another pill over her tongue.

She suddenly realized she had been digging her nails into the palms of her hands and lifted her head to check the damage made. She had put enough force to draw blood.

She reached out and unwrapped part of a chocolate bar, putting a piece in her mouth and letting it melt on her tongue, like she would often do with the pills. It didn't reduce at all her craving, but as she thought about Desmond's effort, her chest felt warmer.

She sighed and hugged the pillow, wishing Desmond were there to hug her and say she would be fine. She replayed his soothing voice in her mind over and over again, telling her she was a strong woman and that everything would be alright. It’s ok, I’m here… No one will hurt you.

 

Yay, finally!! I've been hitting refresh the last couple of days anxious for more!

 

I'm sorry for the delay =( I'll try to post once per day or at least once every two days.
I don't wanna risk catching up with the content I already have and having to make a pause to write, especially since I'm still not 100% recovered =/

 

Omg, no need to apologize!!
Absolutely take your time. You can't rush greatness, as they say Rome wasn't built in a day!! Your recovery should be no.1 no matter what. As always keep up the awesome work!! I hope your recovery goes well! Good health and best wishes

 

omg, I'm so emotionally invested in thiss!
I'm soo anxious about this whole withdrawal situation, especially during the little fight goshh... Ryan surely has anger issues tho in a way its Belle's fault (

 

Yes, yes, yes!!!!! There is something so profoundly deep here, CANNOT wait to see where it goes from here!

 

You guys made my day gonna post the next chapter in a few minutes

 

Glad to know I'm not the only one coming back and refreshing everyday.

 

Chapter 17


She slept soundly for most of the morning. Marrie knew exactly where the iPod had been stored. As she knocked on the door to bring her the lunch, a delicious cheesy lasagna, she took a box out of the higher part of the wardrobe and opened it.

Belle peered inside, curious. She saw some pictures as Marrie took out the contents of the box, cleaning them carefully with a linen cloth, before resting them over the lid, on the bed. She felt ashamed for not being able to fight her curiosity as she saw the pictures and tried to absorb all the details she could.

As she decided she was being ungrateful, almost unfaithful to Desmond after he made it clear that he didn’t want her to learn about his life without being through him, she forced herself to look down at her plate and keep eating. She was taking her eyes off of it, when Marrie put three pictures down, that caught her attention and raptured her.

-Is that Samantha? -She asked unwittingly.

Marrie glanced at the door and made a face to Belle, putting the picture back inside the box.

She only had a glimpse of it, but she could tell Samantha was a very beautiful woman. She couldn't tell what was the color of her eyes, but her skin was very pale, maybe even whiter than hers. Her hair was long and slightly curled, with gorgeous waves that ran down to her waist. The color of it was similar to Belle’s, maybe a bit more to blond than to reddish, but it was brown too. Her face was stern, though, and she had an air of superiority and pride, and she was very thin, and seemed to be very tall. Belle felt like she would be the kind of woman that would make her hurry to get out of her way, if they met.

It fit perfectly to Desmond… A powerful woman, to a powerful man. And a very beautiful woman, to a perfectly handsome man.

She sighed and glanced at the other two pictures. In one, the boy she remembered as Ryan was smiling with one arm around the shoulder of a taller young man. They looked alike, a lot, but the man’s face wasn’t so handsome and his muscles weren’t so protruding, as he was thinner. Both of them were wearing army’s uniforms and the American flag could be seen behind them. It must be his brother.

The last picture showed a gorgeous but older woman, with astoundingly green eyes, tanned skin and a heart-shaped mouth laughing heartily, as an older Japanese man kissed her cheek and held her, to the right, and Desmond kissed her other cheek, to the left. It seemed like Desmond was the one that took it, as a selfie.

Belle’s eyes filled with tears at seeing it. Marrie noticed and held out the picture to her, for her to have a better look. She put the tray to her side and took it with both hands. Belle absentmindedly caressed Desmond’s face with the tip of her fingers. He looked like a totally different person, playful and at ease. She looked at his parents, wondering if one day she would have been able to have a moment like that with her parents, had they been alive.

-Are you ok, my dear? -Marrie asked her, cautiously, noticing the tears rolling down her cheeks. -What happened? Are you feeling unwell?

-Uhum… -She sniffed. -It’s nothing. Are they still alive?

Marrie nodded and held her hand to take the picture back.

-Why are you crying? -Desmond said, stopping by the doorway. -What happened?

Belle froze, halfway through the movement of giving the picture back to Marrie.

He glanced from one to another then strode and snatched the picture from her hand, with a confused face.

-What the fuck are you doing, Marrie? -He glared at her, fiercely.

Marrie showed him the iPod and the charger and shrugged, pointing to the open box.

-Stop showing her my private life, will you? -He took the box, putting everything back inside and closing it before shoving it inside the wardrobe. -Goddammit, are you losing your common sense now? Get out, please! Put it in the freezer for me, will you?

Marrie put her hand on his shoulder as if to soothe him, before retrieving the ice pack and the towel he was pointing at, and left the room. She closed the door behind her and he stood there, staring at Belle’s face with a frown.

-What are you trying to do? And why the fuck are you crying? -He seemed trapped between being annoyed and concerned. -What happened?

She just shook her head, wiped her tears and looked down, taking the tray back and putting a slice in her mouth.

-Talk to me, Belle, what happened? -He sat at her side, putting a hand on her leg.

-I just… I don’t know. -She shrugged. -I just got emotional.

He stared at her, as if trying to notice if she was lying.

-Look… I know you’re curious and that you feel like you have the right to find out more about me ‘cause I investigated you, but you don’t. -He sighed. -I’m sorry, but it’s my safety and the safety of the people I love that are at risk here, you can’t go and rummage through my personal life. I can’t trust you anymore if you’re gonna start doing it!

Desmond sighed and took his hand off of her leg. The lingering sensation of his warmth made her feel weird.

He got up and put the iPod to charge. Then opened a drawer and took out a pair of headphones.

-Are those good enough? -He held it out for her.

-Yes, they are perfect, thank you. -She answered, embarrassed.

Desmond turned to leave, but she grabbed his hand. He looked back, frowning at her hand before looking into her eyes. She took her hand off, quickly.

-Hm… -Belle started, discouraged by his annoyed face. -Desmond… I'm sorry for asking those things to Marrie, I swear, I didn't think it would harm you in any way… And about the pictures, I was just curious, I didn't plan to find out about your family or something like that. I'm sorry.

-It's ok, I heard everything she said, she didn't say anything that important. Still the pictures… She shouldn't show people what my parents look like. -His face contorted in disbelief. -It's not that I think you are gonna do something, but if they get you and you have information to give…

He shook his head.

-But maybe it's because I would remember it perfectly, maybe that's the reason why I got pissed, I may have exaggerated.

-What do you mean?

-Nothing. -He rolled his eyes. Then, he sighed and sat again by her side. -How are you feeling?

She looked down at his hand, wishing he would touch her again.

-I'm fine. -She lied. Then as his brow went up, she told the truth. -I should be fine. I know I should. But I feel… Sad. And empty. And irritated, why am I so irritated? I mean, everything is making me wanna scream…

-It's the crash. -He shrugged. She just stared at him, blankly. -It's something every addict to some drugs experiences when they are going through withdrawal… It's when your brain realizes your blood is not carrying the drug anymore and it's not gonna get the stimulus it had before. So it starts to try to adapt to the lack of hormones… Magda will explain it way better than I can.

He sighed, as if he wanted to say more but decided not to.

-What are you hiding from me, Desmond? -Belle's eyes narrowed. She put the half empty plate aside and turned to face him.

-What do you mean? -He grimaced and exhaled, as if he had been waiting for this to happen.

-I know that you're hiding something. You've been away from me the whole morning, you only came ‘cause you were afraid Marrie would tell me something, and I think it might be something you're planning to do with me. -She said, feeling uneasy.

-No, Belle, I'm not planning on doing anything with you other than helping you get rid of your addiction and prove your innocence while finding out a way of closing my case. -He sighed. She realized he wasn't surprised or offended by her accusations. This made her feel even more worried. -Belle, I know it's not your fault, but please, don't start with the conspiratorial theories. I'm the same as yesterday or the day before yesterday. I care for you and I'm doing my best to help you. There's nothing more.

She was confused by his weary tone. She half expected him to be outraged and try to intimidate her, but he was being gentle. It made her feel as if she was a bad person.

-Why are you keeping me here? -She asked bluntly.

-What?

-You're keeping me in this bedroom as a prisoner, you don't want me to talk to other people, you don't even let me help you with the case anymore. -She pointed out, looking into his eyes. -So, I've been wondering, what are you keeping me here for?

He looked at her and clenched his jaw.

-I'm just taking care of you. -He said in a low, serious voice. -You're not a prisoner, do you want to stay on the couch? I can take you there.

-I wanna stay with you. -She said and crossed her arms.

He stared at her and blinked. Then he laughed and shook his head.

-I don't get you, are you suspecting me or not? You think I'm planning to do something against you, then you want to stay near me? -He creased his forehead, amused. -You need to sort out your priorities, girl!

She blushed intensely.

-I'm sorry. -She said, as she realized the lack of sense in her attitude.

-I know, it's ok. -He pressed his lips together. -I need to work. Tomorrow I'll be on-call, so I'll probably be able to spend some time with you, although I'll need to work out and I want to analyze some reports my team has issued in the last few days in my free time.

-Why don't you want me to watch the videos? You said we'd watch it tonight, but it seemed like you expected me to forget about it. -She pressed, trying to understand why she felt so suspicious of him.

-Ah… -He ruffled his hair and she felt like she had nailed it. Desmond seemed uncomfortable and embarrassed. -Look, Belle. I didn't expect you to have serious withdrawal symptoms. I think I just hoped you wouldn't have them at all. I researched a bit and asked a few questions about it to Magda. We think it might be better for you if you don't watch the videos now. -He looked straight into her eyes, as if trying to transmit his thoughts to her head. -I need you to be in your right mind if you're gonna help me. I can't use anything you say during the next few days in a court and I don't wanna risk jeopardizing your recovery.

-But I'm sober. -She protested.

He sighed and looked away.

-I'm not good at this, ok? I don't know what I can and can't say to you and I don't want to harm you. Stop pressing me into saying important things to you. -His face was solemn, as if he was giving orders to a subordinate. -Be patient. As soon as Magda arrives, you'll have your answers.

She stared at him, her lower lip protruding against her will, as she felt rejected.

-What do you think I can do to make you feel better? Tell me and I'll try to get it for you.

-Anything? -She whispered.

-Anything in my power. -He stared at her, intently. She noticed something weird in his tone that he couldn't exactly identify, some kind of eagerness or pleading.

She leaned forward and pressed her lips against his, softly, keeping the pressure for a few seconds. The gesture surprised her as much as him. He froze, with his eyes open and his arms hanging on his sides. Then he slowly raised his hands and pushed her back to her seat, holding her firmly by her arms.

-Ok… Anything except groping you. -He frowned. -Or its derivatives.

Belle blushed and looked down, too ashamed to talk. She wanted to tell him she didn't know why she had done it, that she hadn't been responsible for her acts, but it wasn't totally true. She dreamed about doing this since the day he appeared out of nowhere in her classroom and looked straight into her eyes, never even glancing at another woman until he left the room. It was just that at this moment she hadn't been able to suppress the urge.

-Sorry. -She managed to say and quickly rubbed her eyes as she felt the tears forming.

-It's ok, it's probably just the confusion. You don't have to feel ashamed. -He cleared his throat, feeling embarrassed too. -It's alright, let's pretend it never happened, ok?

She nodded, without looking up.

-Belle… -He reluctantly put one hand on her shoulder and pulled her head up by her chin with the other. She trembled under his warm touch. He was taken aback by her red wet eyes, but continued. -You're a very strong woman. You'll get over it. The way you handled things till now... I don't think many people would be able to. I believe in you. Let me help you, let's do this together, ok?

She nodded and tears dropped to the knee of her good leg that she was seating on.

-I'm sorry if I hurt you. -He added. He opened his mouth again to say something but made a face and shut his mouth.

She shook her head slightly, fighting the urge to ask him to tell her what he was about to, afraid it would be another rejecting phrase.

-It must be too cold already. Do you want me to reheat it for you? -He asked, pointing to the tray.

-You don't need to, I'll eat it anyway. -She sniffed. -I'm so hungry these days, I feel like I could eat a stone.

-It's a symptom too, don't worry, it will probably be over in a day or so. -He chuckled.

-Good, or else I'm gonna get really fat, real fast. -She frowned and hesitated. -Desmond… Can I ask you something personal? I know I said I wouldn't pry, but I'm curious and the question is bugging me, and my head is spinning with it…

-Calm down, Belle. -He sighed, with a tired expression. -You may ask whatever you want, I even prefer if you do ask everything that passes through your mind. Just don't bother me if I tell you I won't answer it.

-Is your father Japanese? -She asked him, with a puzzled face at his surprised smile.

-I thought it would be about… -He shook his head. Then he rubbed his eyes with the back of his hand. -Damn it, I'm so tired. Yes, kind of. He's nisei but hafu…

He paused and frowned at his own words.

-His father was Japanese and immigrated. He married my grandmother who is American and she gave birth to my father. -He nodded, satisfied. -Why?

-Nothing.

-Why, Belle? -He asked her, with that annoyed frown he used when she didn't answer his questions immediately.

-Just curiosity. You don't look like you are Japanese. -She shrugged.

-I'm not Japanese. I'm an American and I'm proud of my country! -He said, slightly offended.

-I'm sorry, that's not what I meant. It's just… I just saw the picture and wondered if they were your parents. Your mother has some resemblance.

-I have his eyes... -He said nonchalantly. Then laughed, scratching the back of his head. -Just the color, I mean. The shape is a mix-up... And I got his hair to some extent. Fortunately I seem to have skipped the baldness tendency.

Belle smiled.

-Are you feeling any better? -He asked, stretching to check the iPod. -Well, it looks like it still works. Give it one hour or two to charge completely.

His voice had a mix of disappointment and contempt.

-I'll probably stop bothering you when I have music to distract myself. -She nodded, retrieving the tray and putting a large piece inside her mouth.

-This can't still be good… -He grunted. -Are you sure you don't want me to reheat it?

She nodded and he shrugged, getting up to leave.

-Well, I have to get back to work. -He put his hand on the doorknob and turned back to her. -I talked to the director of your school. I didn't explain it all, don't worry, just told him you'll be under witness protection for a while… He said he'll find a way so you don't lose the year because of your absence. He said you're probably gonna have to do some extra homework and essays to keep your excellent grades. Is it ok for you?

-Sure. -She answered before putting another piece in her mouth. Then she covered it to answer. -Thank you so much, Desmond.

He didn't answer, just went out.

 

Chapter 18


When Marrie came back to get the tray, Belle tried to apologize for getting her in trouble, but she dismissed it with a smile and said that she didn't cause any problem between her and her boss.

-Ryan can get ill tempered sometimes, but he's always reasonable. He wasn't really angry, don't worry. -She smiled.

She arranged the pillows for Belle as a nurse would, even if the latter would beg her not to worry about her. Then, she helped Belle to get to the en-suite bathroom, as she was too embarrassed to call Desmond for this.

Belle felt very grateful when Marrie whispered that she would keep Desmond occupied so he wouldn't come check on her for some time, to give her privacy. She felt as if having a mother for the first time, being treated with respect and care.

Not that her parents mistreated her, but she remembered having to learn to fend for herself at a very tender age, as both of them were always traveling or working and her nanny didn't really care if she had everything she needed, as long as she didn't get hurt.

She sighed as she washed her hand and looked at her reflection. Surprisingly she seemed thinner, not fatter. She frowned, trying to understand how it was possible. She had deep dark circles on her eyes and her bone cheeks were protruding a bit. It was almost imperceptible to distracted eyes, but she felt uneasy with her appearance. She checked her belly, looking for any signs of weight gain, but everything seemed to be quite the same.

As she opened the door to jump her way back to the bed, she heard a knock on the door.

-Belle? -It was Desmond's voice.

-Wait a minute. -She answered, trying to get under the blanket as fast as she could but then realizing she would be panting and all red and he would quickly grasp what happened. She sat on the closest edge of the bed and answered. -Come in.

Desmond opened the door with a wary look, checking the room quickly.

-What were you doing? -He asked, not finding anything out of place.

-Nothing. -She shrugged with the most innocent face she could make.

-Right… -He nodded, eyeing her. -I wanna introduce you to someone. Magda, this is Isabelle.

-Hello, Isabelle. - A beautiful black woman around her thirties pushed Desmond aside and got into the room. -Is this guy annoying you too much? He can be bossy sometimes, but I must say, I never saw this man so distressed because of a woman before.

Desmond looked daggers on her back, but she ignored him blatantly. Belle didn't know what to say, so she just smiled shyly.

-Do you mind talking for a while? -She went on, pulling the chair from the dressing table and sitting near her. -Let's talk about men. Or about our periods. Or about anything that makes him so uncomfortable that he decides to close the goddamn door and turn off those pretty ears of his and not peer at our conversation.

It was her time to shoot daggers at him.

He sighed and turned to Belle.

-Do you need something? Are you ok with talking to her alone? -He asked her, with a crease in his forehead. -She seems a bit petulant at first sight, then you realize she is really petulant, but is a nice person too. Give her a chance, ok?

-I'm ok, Desmond, thank you. -Belle smiled.

-Are you gonna stay for dinner? -He turned back to Magda. -I won't have time to cook, I'm under a pile of paper right now, but I can order from Sammy’s.

Her face lit up.

-My, is it Christmas already? Sure, my boy, I can stay if we'll have that apple pie...

He nodded and closed the door behind him. Magda smiled at Belle. She was a bit overweight, but that didn't diminish her beauty and sexiness, with her big almond shaped eyes, long eyelashes, her shiny black curly hair, and her full lips.

-So it's true. -Magda nodded her head. -That you have curious, smart eyes… I thought he was just exaggerating. I should have known better.

Belle flushed as she realized she had been scrutinizing the woman, and looked down.

-It's ok, Isabelle. It must be an awkward situation for you. -Magda smiled, showing her bright white, perfect teeth. -I'm gonna be completely honest with you, because trust is a very important element if we're gonna make it work, ok?

She eyed the girl with a profound tone.

-I'm only here because I was worried for my brother-in-law's sanity. But he explained the whole situation to me, and now I'm willing to spend some of my free time helping you. -Her face was serious and her eyes were wide open. -It's not really ethically correct to do so, though, because I'm no stupid. I know you two are having some kind of personal bond here, and even if it's not exactly a relationship, I can't get caught in the middle of it, for it might compromise your treatment or my relationship with him.

Belle tilted her head sideways and frowned, puzzled.

-Don't you dare make that face, my lady, I was your age once, and I'm not blind too… I know his smile can melt a glacier and his body can make one's eyes catch fire. -She chuckled at Belle's deep red face, but became serious again. -So I need to make sure that you understand the situation and are willing to take it seriously. We can have it in one of two ways: I can help you as a professional, in an unofficial way, cause I'm not gonna keep record of our sessions, but help you in a professional impersonal way… Possibly it's gonna help you get over the withdrawal faster this way.

She looked at Belle intently.

-Or we can take it lightly, I can answer your questions, although I must warn you, I won't tell you anything about him, sorry to disappoint you. -She winked. -But I can hear you, give you some advice and hope you'll get better soon. So, what will it be?

Belle stared at her and blinked.

-You mean you'll be my psychologist? -She asked, unsure.

-If you want to take the professional route, yes.

-Ah… -Belle looked down, involuntarily, to her arm covered up by the sleeve of her shirt. She never trusted psychologists, because they never helped her when she needed them. But she wanted to try, for Desmond, in gratitude for all his care. - What would I have to do?

-Well, you'd talk about what you're experiencing, you can ask questions too, I'm gonna lead you to the right direction, so you can connect to yourself and keep yourself motivated to get clean, for example. -Magda answered in a patient tone.

Belle nodded.

-Ok… But what do I have to tell you? -She glanced unconsciously at the door. -What kinds of things do you need to know?

-Anything you want, Isabelle. But I can see you noticed that Ryan has a perfect hearing. -She herself turned her head toward the door. -So we're gonna talk inside my car, in the garage. Do you think you'd feel more confident this way?

Belle wasn't sure. She didn't really want Desmond to think she wanted to hide things from him. Besides, she didn't know Magda, and felt uneasy about opening up to someone she never even saw before.

-What do you say? I hear you sprained your ankle… -Magda smirked. -May I call the handsome young man to take you to my car in his arms?

 

now that Magda is willing to help, hope these two people will start having some "NORMAL two-people-getting-to-know-each-other" conversations.. can I hope for a healthy relationship development already??? :: (after all it's usually been Ryan scolding/threatening Belle :'>)

P.S : does it mean Magda is a relative of his late fiancee? calling him brother-in-law?

 

Maybe she was married to his brother before he passed?!

 

Do you feel like that about Ryan?

I tried to make it easy to notice that he has PTSD (that's why he is always so alert and can't relax) and has some trust issues (the reason you will find out later ), especially when he can't read them (which he couldn't because she isn't in her right mind so her actions didn't match her personality). I tried to indicate his change of behavior once he realized it was the drugs and craving/symptoms=\

Still, he is kind of brute and mocking, and that is part of who he is, that won't change

Yes, they build up a stronger/more healthful bond, but it's a drama and I try to make it realistic (people don't change overnight, so he will need time to heal his wounds and so will she)

About Magda, it's said that Samantha has very pale skin, so Belle will guess it's his brother's wife (he died, but she and Ryan clearly are still very fond of each other)

Thank you for the feedback, I'll try to adapt the next chapter to make his change of behavior more clear