The Scum Villain's Self-Saving System fan fiction

On a sidenote i took some random things in the fridge and boiled it in a pot with the instant noodle dad offered... all i have to say is... the hell am i eating..... it tastes like pastey rice noodles.... i dont even taste the half onion i threw in it.... all i taste is spicy rice..... the only texture is pastey...... *wastes food* *eats the salsa* it atleast tastes normal.....

I think ill stay away from fire.... (its hot anyways.)

 

The noodles always comes last!
And to take more of the onion's flavor you should stir fry/sauté in a bit of oil or butter~

 

If you want experience with weird food combos...... I'm here for you....

 

I dont think it was the onions..... it mighta been my dad.... the instant noodles might not have been instant..... he mighta taken the soup packet from instant noodles and then threw old rice noodles from the fridge in it.... it tastes like rice noodles...... just broken all apart and pastey.... they were already in the pot.... and i boiled it again......

 

................. no wonder

 

orz
Atleast i didn't throw in the last block of tofu for the off chance i wanted tofu eggs with my salsa tomorrow.....

And wooo punishment is over? Pts are at 0? Party time? no more being cursed by the dream demon known as "System"?

P.s. no one said anything about the rodent killing..... poor rodents

 

....I c-can't.... anymore..... it's calling me....... zzzzzzzzz

 

Butter, some cheese, and some heavy cream along with a splash of white wine Or cooking wine would make creamy rice. Or if you're lazy just throw in chicken ramen soup base with the water and you get chicken rice.

 

Ooh definitely!

Luo Binghe swallowed thickly as he watched his Shizun. His pale skin was illuminated by the roaring flames. Sweat coursing down his pale throat. His muscles flexing as he stir fired the vegetables and rice to perfection. As the flames died down, Shen Qingqiu's hand gracefully scooped up the perfect proportion of the Cang Qiong Peak fried rice. Shen Qingqiu's tongue darted out as he licked the spoon, tasting for the seasoning. Shen Qingqiu smirked and its effect was instantaneous on Luo Binghe. His teacher's confidence and charisma stole his attention away from the food. How could he focus on the techniques and ingredients when his teacher's uniform was undone at the top? Those red fruits that peeked at him every so often as his teacher moved was far more interesting than how to plate the food. Shen Qingqiu peered over at the Sha Hualing's side. The purple skinned elder's dish of exotic red octopus was plated in a bold and aggressive manner. Although it looked colorful, the plating was messy and all over the place. Luo Binghe's eyes darted over to Shen Qinqiu's plate. It looked appetizing in its bountiful mounds-
"Luo Binghe, eyes on the food, not my chest."

 

Keep it uuuup.

 

***
Luo Binghe's Adventures Through the Multiverse: A Catspaw's Interlude
***
Ling Yue was having a no good, horrible, very bad day. As the person assigned to acquiring the rights to the multiple novels and anthologies written by [Xiang Tian Da Feiji], she had naturally done her research with a lot of help from her seniors.

Teacher Xiang made his money off writing novels and short stories. He had started online, but then had moved to having them printed out as self published real dead tree books with extra chapters after his first novel had skyrocketed in popularity, gaining him a whopping large number of fans, and the mere rumor that he was pumping out another story or chapter had readers circling his website like sharks scenting blood. It was said that the man always had multiple short stories or chapters of novels in progress.

Not much was known by fans about his actual offline, real life history. It could be assumed he was in a long time, tumultuous relationship of sorts with someone named Shen, who was, if the characters bearing that name in the novels were any indication, quite beautiful. This was why Ling Yue had chosen her clothes with care to be both professional and sexy. It had also taken her quite a while to track down his actual, offline, real identity.

Part of this had been because she had hired hackers to try to trace his IP and other accounts. Whatever else may have been said about him, he was cautious.

Shan Qinghua was nowhere near as impressive in life as he was online. He had what could be called a shoebox apartment furnished in blue, white, silver and shades of grey, he owned a motorcycle and an unassuming car. He tended to dress in worn, shabby or casual clothing, preferred hoodies that let him hide his face, ate anything put in front of him, had bad cooking skills and had left his family to become an online novelist, after a massive argument with both of his parents who were getting on in years and wanted him to get a 'real' job. One at a desk, in a 'real' office in a skyscraper, with regular paychecks. They wanted him to have an expensive car, a wife, three kids. His other relatives were equally frustrated with him and there had been bad blood between him and them. As a result, he went by the name Xiang Tian for every last account he had in his 'new' single dog life. There was no sign of anyone named Shen in his life other than his admittedly attractive editor. Who was a man.

Shan Qinghua was, at least, attractive, but his itinerant lifestyle of crashing with his more mature friends, business tycoon, Yue Qingyuan and English teacher, Shen Yuan, was definitely a turn off to any woman seeking marriage.

Thus, she had thought approaching him with a sexy variation of the standard office wear would get his attention.

Unfortunately for her, she hadn't reckoned on the appearance of an iceberg to sink her Titanic.

The iceberg in question was the tycoon, Mo Bei Jun, who had started out selling gold and then progressed to acquiring assets in legal and illegal ways as he pleased. Mo Bei Jun, it was assumed, had shady connections to the point that the Triads wouldn't dare darken his path because anyone stupid enough to do that would die.

In fact, there had been some incidents that had hit the papers, an entire crime family wiped out in a horribly gory manner.

Apparently, Mo Bei Jun had an interest in Xiang Tian. And he didn't appreciate competition. And worse, he wasn't taking no for an answer. He had glared at her until she had shut up and fled, tearing up in terror.

Well, that put paid to their hopes of enmeshing Xiang Tian by intimidation or legal means. Mo Bei Jun might just hire assassins to kill them all. And worse, if he had an idea that they might use honeypot schemes on his target, he would likely crush the woman or man to death to stake his claim.

That left manipulating the man using his estranged family and friends. They might be greedy enough to try to build bridges if they were paid to do it.

It was time to start digging up the dirt on Xiang Tian's editor, and the translator who was the reason that Xiang Tian had strong foreign sales, Shen Yuan. That might be easier to deal with than the established, probably enmeshed with the mob, Mo Bei Jun.
***

 

oh no, SY is going to have so much shit

 

ALL THE SHIT.
Technically he already HAS shit. This is just a new truckload of it!

 

//wide eyed//

More shit? Wao, poor SY.... //giggles//

 

Yuan Yuan is in even more trouble

 

I somehow feel that the thread title description no longer suits. :V

 

It really dosnt anymore Lel

 

I look at all Scriptor's indexed posts of my fics and I go "WTF"

 

I think this thread lost its original meaning

 

***
A Transdimensional Scum Villain's Tale
***

When looking for a spouse, you want a mature person. You want someone who will be kind to you, very gentle, considerate, loyal, decent. You want someone who will look after you and be there when you need them. You want someone intelligent, with many skills that will get them through life's turmoils. If healthy, nice bonus. If rich, very nice bonus. If handsome, beautiful or sexy, very nice bonus. If capable of beating the tar out of your enemies in irl PVP (player versus player) with all the above, quickly, take them to bed!

Of course, on your end, there is the whole problem of how to lure them into your bed in the first place, you know?

That is the problem I currently face with Yue Qingyuan. Yue Qingyuan hits all the boxes on my personal checklist. Yue Qingyuan liked the past Shen Qinggiu. That means I have an in. Would probably normally mean I could slot it in under 'childhood friend romance', right?

However, I still have some problems in implementation.

After having figured out that whoever is cursing me has seemingly stopped for now, he has his own priorities and his own Peak. He has his own disciples. Surely it will be difficult to coax him to stay over. Very difficult. Plus, he might be upset if I come on too strongly, so I cannot just grab him by the lapels and kiss him silly.

I think maybe I will start by giving him gifts and making food for him.

***
When in IRL, I always thought I would be more likely to meet up with my destined mate on the VROF. After all, there are many records of such things happening, and the couples seem to be very happy. There are modules for everything including sex, because the internet is made for porn.

Nonetheless, IRL skills are also good, so I invested in mass downloading and constantly practicing skills that would attract mates in VROF until I could replicate them in my body. Like cooking, baking, arts and crafts. I think I pretty much downloaded 10 musical instrument modules to go with the others.

It's basically just muscle memory and nerve memory, you know? Repetitive practice? It's not really that different if you engrave it into your system.

On the dark web, it was said that the government had taken up making fighting modules and other such things with intent to download them into soldiers' minds. If they're anything like our pvp experts who consistently take their learned fighting styles to the VRMMORPG and then get high skills? It would be a good investment for them.

In any case, this engraved memory is useful for me since I have high levels in cooking. I can cook practically anything; my baking is top notch. My crafting skills are similarly high. I have made and enchanted clothing and weapons and items before.

The question is, can I convert my enchanting skills to being able to make things that can count as artifacts and weaponry here?

More importantly I intend to start hunting down the food sources for growing them in the new garden which I started setting up last time, after I got a proper pair of wooden mansions up with good plumbing and the works in terms of bathrooms.

After I can mokuton them into productivity, I intend to start testing out enchantments by making... an oven. And other analogues to appliances. Because I will need them if I must make delicacies to get Yue Qingyuan's attention.

***