Hello, I have created a new novel based on Karthus the death singer! Pls check it out a donate some powerstones because I’m in a writing prompt compition and I need as much stones as I can get! I will post chapters 1-2 on here so yu can see what my novel is like. Pls give me constructive criticism if you can. Link: https://m.webnovel.com/book/11351554706335905 Synopsis: Karthus was born into abject poverty in the sprawl of dwellings built in the walls of the Navaria. His mother died at the moment of his birth, leaving his father to raise him and his three sisters alone. After being surrounded by countless deaths Karthus receives the death system. A system which aids him to become the strongest death adept. With this Karthus’s mission is to bring the joy of death to mortals, an apostle to the unliving. The living fear the eternity of undeath, but Karthus sees only beauty and purity in its embrace, a perfect union of life and death.
Chpater 1: Death System Karthus leaned into the window and looked intently at his neighbor who was at death's door. A foul odor breached his nose and his neighbor moaned horribly breathing his last breath, but Karthus frowned. “Another death squandered.” He sighed. “He shit himself and moaned but I still couldn’t tell when he died.” Karthus got up and tried to locate another dying person. He roamed the urban sprawl of Navaria, a densely populated city located in the southern mainland. The city was terrible, the adepts had given up on them as there were no resources unique enough to invest in Navaria. The people were living in rat-infested hovels and were disease-ridden. Karthus heard a noise behind him, he turned to look around. It was the city guards clad in chainmail. They were enforcing the curfew on behalf of the adepts who controlled Navaria. While those adepts deemed the city worthless they still held an iron grip over it. Karthus clicked his tongue in annoyance. While he was eager to see more deaths he wouldn’t risk getting flogged for it. Karthus has had a deep obsession over death since his friend peter died a few years ago. He could never forget the fear in peters eyes and the terror that gripped peters body as death overtook him. Karthus salivated when he remembered how his body went limp as death consumed him. He abruptly awoke from his stupor as the guards neared. Karthus hastily moved and ran away. After running through the maze of houses he finally reached his home and carefully opened the door. On the dirt floor his three elder sisters lay soaked in sweat. They had been infected by the plague that has tormented the city. Karthus was surprised he himself hasn't been infected by the terrifying outbreaks. He walked to his sisters and sat beside them. He took a rag from the floor and carefully wiped the sweat away from their faces. Karthus knew they were due for death, he took care of them as the plague consumed and he knew they couldn’t hang on. He watched each of them as they died, and a sublime connection seemed to reach into him as the light faded from their eyes - a yearning to see what lay beyond death and unlock the secrets of eternity. As Karthus reveled from the ecstasy of death a voice appeared in his head. “ The death system has been activated, due to the constant death and suffering around you. As well as your own passion for death.” Karthus paused in shook. He wondered if maybe he was infected by a disease, but his gut told him the voice wasn't his imagination. It seemed to real and vivid to be an illusion. “What are you supposed to do.” He replied As Karthus sat in silence his checks burned red from embarrassment. He laughed for actually believing he replied to a ‘system’. But the voice abruptly appeared again. “The death system shall act as your catalyst to supremacy, but it could very well be your demise. Choose now if you want this system, if you refuse your memory will be wiped and you will continue your mundane life.” Karthus naturally chose to accept. He wasn't afraid of death, death was what in fact drove him, he yearned to unlock its secrets. “I accept” “The system will now commence. You have now been recognized as the proprietor. You have access to the systems database” Karthus was intrigued, “What is in the database?” “Only your stats for now, once you get ahold of books you can store information easily” “Show me my stats” "Name: Karthus | Age: 12 | Race: Human | "Constitution: .5 |Strength: .4 | Agility: .7 | Spirit: 5" Karthus looked and shrugged, he was below the base stat of 1 generally. But living in the slums would naturally put a toll on a mortal body. He had a feeling that his high spirit was from him interacting with the dying. The secrets of death seem to be fortifying his soul. As Karthus waited he stood in anticipation, but the system told him nothing else. Soon dawn approached but he wasn’t tired. He watched his sisters as he waited to hear from the system. Suddenly the door was slammed open. A large figure stumbled in clearly drunk, it was Karthus’s farther. His father slowly walked toward him and with each step the smell of alcohol intensified. Soon they stood face to face. “You are a curse” his father slurred. “ Ever since you were born you have brought despair to our household. Your mother died giving birth to you, I lost my savings, and now your sisters are dead while you stand healthy.” Karthus looked in indifference, he was used to his father drunkenly shaming him. A large fist flew forward and Karthus tasted blood in his mouth. Then a torrent of blows hit his body. “Why must you still be alive, WHY” his father wailed while hitting him. Karthus wrapped his hands around himself as his body started aching. Suddenly the blows stopped. His father sighed “I knew your sisters were going to die before you came last night so I sold their bodies. I think I sold it to adep apprentices so you better be on your best behavior or I will personally kill you to appease them.” Karthus looked at his father coldly, he has never cared about what he did to him unless he interfered with his work of death. “New mission: Join the adept apprentices- success: Secret hidden gift- failure: You will receive soul backlash which could be fatal.” Karthus looked at the failure terms. He understood that the system wasn't playing when they said he could be led to his demise. It also seemed like the system wanted him to become an adept. It made sense because adepts were the supreme beings, it was named the adept plane for a reason. The only way to be truly powerful is to be an adept. Two cloaked figures walked into the dilapidated house. Karthus assumed they were the apprentices. Karthuses father immediately went to great them, but they paid him to mind as they inspected the twin bodies. “When did they die” they questioned his father. “Umm, I’m not really sure because…” “3:15 AM” Karthus interrupted His father fummed but settled down after he saw the figure nod. They handled the body and left no places untouched, once satisfied they turned to Karthuses father. “Seven gold coins for both bodies” The figure in the left demand. His father's eyes shone with greed. Seven gold pieces was enough to live comfortably for a month without work. But knowing his father he would squander the money for booze. “Deal” As the figures and Karthuses father finished the negotiations he finally saw his chance to finish the mission. “Masters, would you two be in need of a servant? I can cook and clean while hauling the bodies of my sisters for you” Karthus said. He stood anxiously while the two figures pondered. Finally the figure on the left spoke which Karthus distinguished as the more talkative person. “We could use a maid for mortal tasks. But beware, we are going to the Barbossa adept school. A mortal like you could easily lose your life on the journey. And once we arrive we will be relieving you of your service so you will be on your own.” Karthus exhaled in relief, as he heard the system. “Mission success reward: Adept potential increased and spirit attribute increased. Host can now become an adept.” Karthus smiled, “Thank you masters, he told the figures.” “Follow us,” Karthus trailed behind his new employers but before he went out the door he turned around and took one last look at his father. His father's eyes were on the gold coins and he was smiling intensely. He resolutely turned back and walked out the door. “You ready kid,” the figure asked him “Yes, master” “Ok, lets go”
Chapter 2: Dark arts book The trio leave the shanty and make their way through the Navaria. They walked for an hour and finally saw the city gate. “If you have a pass stand in this lane if you don’t stand in the other” Shouted the guard Karthus followed behind the figures as they plowed there way through the crowd. Many people turned around in annoyance but when they recognized them as adepts they swallowed their anger. The figure on the left of Karthus bumped into a colossus of a man. “Hey! Watch where you’re going brat unless you want a taste of my fist.” The man threatened But as he turned around his eyes bulged and his legs almost gave out. “I will burn you alive mortal!” The man completely collapsed. “Forgive me for my insolence!” “Humph” the figure let out while continuing forward. They soon arrived to the front of the line. The guard looked at them cautiously. “You must have an issued pass apprentice” he said scornfully. The guard recognized them as mere apprentices and not the supreme beings of legend. “We have it right here guard” the figure on left then raised a slender hand full of gold. The guards eyes shined “ You may proceed masters” “It seems like money can get you anything” Karthus thought. But then he shook his head, “while wealth can help you achieve things, the only thing that matters is personal power” After his realization Karthus was filled with a burning desire for power. He looked ahead and realized he was far behind those apprentices. Karthus quickened his pace and pushed the cart carrying his sisters corpses faster. When he caught up to them they stood silently. When he arrived they proceed to take of the hoods of their cloaks. As the talkative figure on the left took of the hood a cascade of hair fell out and landed on the shoulders of the girl. As the hood moved away a beautiful face was revealed. “I am Safera” The figure on the right took off their hood and a brute face appeared. “George” the man said “You’re either very brave or very stupid for coming with us.” Safera giggled “I believe it’s the later. Anyways we will know make our way to the Barbarossa adept school. We will pass by the villages for supplies, just stay behind us and you should be fine.” Safera started walking on the road and the others followed suit. Beads of sweat started to roll down Karthus’s face as he pushed the heavy cart. “How long until the next rest point?” “We're almost there” Safera sighed Soon after a small village came into sight. Holes adorned the roofs of the huts and rats scurried across the barren ground. Children were seen lying on the ground suffering from hunger. Karthus’s senses tingled, he could see the shadow of death looming across this village, the villagers would soon be welcomed by death’s sweet embrace. Karthus has developed this uncanny ability by spending the majority of his time with those about to pass on. The people he saw with death’s shadow rarely survived. “Kill 10 children and absorb their spirit essence. Reward: The Dark Arts book and soul is strengthed” The system said Karthus gasped, he has never killed only watched. The others looked at him curiously. “What’s wrong?” Sefera asked. “Nothing, just tired” “Let’s go get a room, were leaving this forsaken town tomorrow” As they walked into the village Karthus was strengthening his resolution. After all wasn't death the ultimate reward he would be doing these children a favor. They walked towards the biggest hut in the center of the village the villagers watched in apprehension. Why would a village like theirs attract any visitors. They arrived at the hut and judged it. While not appealing It was the hut in the best condition, it even had a door. “At least this one is livable” Safera remarked. She proceeded to bang the door of the hut, her tiny arms seemed to have some strength after all. The door opened slightly a stout middle age man peered into the crack. He stared at them in contempt until his eyes fell on the apprentice's robes. He quickly opened the door. “ What can I help you with distinguished guests” Safera took a step into the hut “We are borrowing your residence for the night” Karthus left the cart outside followed after her and George. The man looked dumbfounded, his response was a resigned nod. He could only curse his bad luck that he met these apprentice adepts. The man quickly recovered and closed the door behind him. “We’re leaving tomorrow morning, get some rest” Safera announced. As Safera and George took the bed Karthus laid on the ground.But his mind was preoccupied with the mission. He waited for hours before cautiously getting up. He stared at the bed, Safera and george seemed to be sleeping. Karthus slowly walked out the hut. The village was deathly silent. He walked toward the outskirts of the village. Orphans litters the ground to weak to move. Karthus approached the farthest one. The child was pale and his face was sunken in from hunger. He sat next to him and brandished his dagger. He laid his dagger on the throat off the child. Swiftly slicing his neck. The child opened his eyes but he was too weak to moan. As blood poured out like a cascade the light quickly left the child’s eyes. A translucent light rose from the child, it started swirling around Karthus and nourishing his own soul. "Agony, ecstasy, peace. Every passing has a beauty all its own." Karthus moaned in pleasure. “1/10 spirit essence” The system notified. Karthus gathered more children and repeated the ritual. Each death was more satisfying than the last. Soon he completed the mission. “10/10 spirit essence host soul is undergoing a qualitative change. Spirit reached 10 host is now a beginner apprentice.” Karthus let out a treacherous grin as he struggled to smile. Smiles are rare for him. Then countless block dots started to materialise in his hand. He looked curiously and realized it was forming the shape of a book. ‘The Dark Arts’ title was formed by black snakes. “This is a lost legendary book that is perfect for spirit attribute and darkness elementium adepts. It has enough magic skills to support you in the adept levels” the system informed him. “The book has two subjects spirit attribute and darkness elementium choose between them.” Karthus naturally choose spirit as it was his highest attribute. After his choice, the book turned Into more translucent hue. Karthus opened the book and looked at the first chapter. “As a spirit attribute adept you will have control over life and death itself. The very pinnacle adepts of this branch have everlasting lives, some even control armies of spirits and others turn into fiendish existences.” Karthus read on in excitement. “ Beginner adept skills you can learn Spirit Hand- send a translucent hand towards the enemies soul to corrupt it: estimated time to learn 7 months Curse of Crimson- curse the enemies soul to constantly decay- estimated time to learn: 3 months Spirit explosion- Unleashes and delayed blast at a location causing physical and soul damage-Low in power but equally low in spirit use- able to learn immediately but takes months to perfect. Karthus contemplated before eventually choosing Spirit explosion. He chose it because he would be able to learn it immediately, and unlike the other skills it damages both physical and soul. “Host has chosen Spirit explosion. Hidden prerequisite met, the system has one more reward to announce. Dark arts tattoo- Taboo tattoos made from children's souls, that empower the adept with soul power. Other Adepts will feel the dark energy around you and will be wary. Soul use is forbidden in the adept world, if found out you will be killed, so tread wisely. User is also cursed by the spirits it devours” Karthus contemplated, the reward was a double edged sword. But he choose to accept he wasn't afraid of a challenge and he welcomed anything that could increase his power. As soon as he accepted screeching faces rose from the children’s bodies. This was different from their spirit essence, it was their actual souls. Soul experimentation was prohibited because it damaged or destroyed souls. Prohibiting them from entering reincarnation. The Souls screamed as they were distorted into extravagant tattoos along Karthus’s arms. “Dark arts tattoo ⅓ incomplete- 10 souls of apprentices needed for next phase.” It seemed like the dark arts tattoo would need more powerful souls for the next phase because adept apprentices or above were the requirement. Karthus looked at his arms in admiration, the tattoos were dark but had a translucent hue to them. He powerd the tattoos and they brightened up. Karthus pointed his hand at the pile of corpses, than a blast of spirit, the power of a grenade destroyed them. “System how much was the spirit explosion powered by the tattoos.” “The dark arts tattoos increased the power off spirit explosion by 100% spirit explosion originally had the power of a firecracker now it has the power of a grenade. The spirit use was unaffected so it still has low spirit use.” Kade laughed sadistically. It seemed the tattoos were worth the investment. He was basically a human grenade launcher now with minimum spirit expenditure. Karthus hunched over, his body felt like it was ignited and he heard child like screams in his head. “Probably the curse, I’ll deal with this later” He thought. Suddenly came the crack of dawn and light peered over the horizon. Karthus looked at the mangled corpses. The villagers would blame the beasts he thought as he ran towards the hut.
What are you talking about? Im just trying to showcase my novel I even posted my only two chapters here so people can see what it’s like. If it was an ad trap I wouldn’t post any chapters... And this is not constructive criticism about my novel So i would appreciate it if your comments were about my novel and not some qidian bash.
that's why I said its an ad. tho I add trap because why not, these days nuf gonna be an ad zone if people from other site promote their original stories. tho I gotta ask what does his death obsession is? is it necrophiliac, is it the desire to murder, or is it the desire to butcher and eat the death? he got a good story start, but his pacing a bit too fast. we don't even know the characteristics of the mc, is he brave, is he psycho, or is he just dumb bastard that usually chase a harem. you built the character on the start to attract your reader to connect with its traits. I mean how can he have an obsession over death when he himself never kill but only watch the demise of his best friend ? that wouldn't cause an obsession that would cause trauma. also use the point where he ask the adept on apprenticeship to solidify his character, if its just cleaning and carrying the dead, horse and random slave can do that. do it like the adept give him a little of test of his own apprenticeship, maybe use his dad to do a bargain as well to hinder the mc of going without giving the benefit for his father. also test him again at 2nd chap by using that bully, and test his resolve about killing innocent bystander on his obsession on dead maybe make him remember how his friend die, at least we got background story p.s also he doesn't even lift his dead sisters, what kind of apprentice that promise what they said and failure to do the task that have said? just following the other guy who lift it I supposed.
Thank you for your criticisms I have really saw my story in a different light. I will take some of your suggestions. Also This is the community fictions for a reason people will post their stories it’s supposed to happen like that.