first of all, let me start off by saying that she’s alive, she’s fine—etc. Now this is gonna be a moderately serious topic so if you clicked on this thread to troll let me just say that you’re an asshole and you don’t deserve to get your dick sucked. So just leave and not make a scene of yourself. So it was a pretty big accident despite her not getting hurt and it was totally not her fault. It was one of those car accidents where basically the other party is entirely to blame. I think they’re in the emergency room right now. But anyways. My mom tells me this over the phone and, I don’t have much of a reaction you know. I ask the necessary questions and I say a few polite and yet obvious things but that’s just about it and I hang up. I tried going back to what I was doing previously (drinking margaritas and watching Netflix) but it just wasn’t the same vibe I guess. I couldn’t focus and my brain god forbid actually started to think for once. And I guess this post is just going to be me stringing all the thoughts I had together and also I’m kinda inclined to see what other people’s responses are gonna be. I never had a great relationship with my mom. And it wasn’t that we were obviously antagonistic with one another but I will admit we did clash every so often. But basically, we didn’t talk while I was growing up. When I was younger maybe I had memories of telling her what boys I liked, and—what boys I liked—but as I got older I stopped doing so since I never got a response. When we were at our dinner table, this is (an example) of how conversation would pan out. (Or how it’d used to pan out; remember, I don’t talk to her anymore). She would eat her food at a moderate normal pace, perhaps chewing longer than what was needed but whatever. And I would practically inhale my food in the first 10 minutes and spend the next 30 regaling her about the events going on in my life and never stopping or pausing because, admittedly I was afraid of the awkward silence that usually hung in the air when I stopped talking. But in the end it didn’t really matter. Because sooner or later, dinner would be over, she would stand up and leave and after a few minutes had passed, I would do the same and go back to my room. These are just about all the memories I have with my mother. Now I still love her because she is my mother, she did give birth to me and she raised me and I’m grateful. But tonight, after this woman had almost died, I still couldn’t tell her the words ‘I love you, I’m glad you’re ok’. And I’ve really never told my mom that I loved her. Or I can’t remember. Either way, I think I’ve always felt that me saying those words would feel like a cheap immitation of what a real mother-daughter love/bond thing is. And I hated fakes. But I did feel fear tonight. My brain conjured up hypothetical scenarios where she did die and I felt scared since the implications of that would mean—I would be alone. Not that she was amazing company to begin with, but still. I don’t think I love my mother any more because of the events that occurred tonight. I also don’t think this is like a wake up call for me to mend my relationship with my mother because truthfully, I’ve spend all my life as I’ve lived with her to do that very thing and ended up failing. Miserably. So I’m not quite sure of what to do with the realization that I still somehow see this woman as a form of emotional support from the way I feel sad and lost at the thought of her ‘death’. But on the other hand, I think this year has been like a shitshow for me. I mean, it’s gotta be that considering the fact I’m leaving all my well meaning girlfriends on read and I’m asking strangers for advice on my inner turmoils on a website I used to read webnovels as a teenager.
I have a similar problem. Though not to the degree you described and I've by no means overcome it, but if you want to mend your relationship then I think the first step is the little things. For example, finish your phone calls with "Love you."
Don't waste time idling around, go to where your mom is. Be by her side, she might be fine physically but who can say the same mentally. You might not have a great relationship with your mom, but being by her side can and will help her recuperate with the experience she just went through. A hug and telling her you love her face to face is much stronger than saying it on phone
Okay, why don't you tell your mom this. I know it can't be easy but if it's bothering you so much, tell her.
My family expect my father always end phone calls with I love you so much something feels off to me when they dont. It also has made me numb to those words somewhat.
Talk to her and spend some time with her cause you don't know what you have until its gone. Just don't forget family is a precious thing.
I have been on both sides of that argument (am a mom and a daughter) and all I can say is that family relationships are always complicated and messy. There is no right or wrong way to mend relationships, but there can be regret. Try not to do anything you might regret later. How about picking up the phone again tomorrow and asking her how she is doing? Just listen to what she has to say and at the end say.... I love you Mom, take care. It's a small thing, but it may be the first step in a new, more fulfilling direction.
Yes, I'm an asshole and I don't deserve to get my dick sucked... Sorry just had to. I totally get what you're saying. You think you'll do fine without them but whenever I'm reading novels and get to the part where a family dies, I get reminded by it. You don't give a fuck when nothing happens but when something does happen you realize you do give a fuck. I never had the courage to say "I love you" or "thank you" to my family but if you do probably now is the time. It's probably easier for you coz you're a girl, I'm a boy so I have a manly image to take care off mostly for myself of course
Go to the hospital or visit her even if she's fine. Don't matter if you can't say anything emotional or touching, just showing up right beside her and physically being there is enough. maybe this won't solve anything, maybe it will, but still it'll give you peace of mind just being there. Hope she's alright.
Let me tell you this as a father. Love is not something you feel, its something you do. If you love someone, its your decision even if the person treats you like shit. Does that mean if someone slaps you daily you should put up with it because you love him? NO. You leave her, but you don't go linger on hatred and still talk to her. If she comes back and ask for forgiveness, youd talk to her and dont shout at her. If he changes, you accept her back and then move on from there. This is what as a parents do daily to their kids. You have to have all the patience in the world to raise a kid. Even though you spend all your earnings to provide for them, everything they do is going to drain you. Starts with them pissing all the time, waking you up in the middle of the night. Crying to you to ask for something, even punching you if they feel like it. In the end you have to forgive them because you love them. Dont think for a second that your mom never love you. If she never did, you would be lying in the ditch somewhere. Get the thoughts out of your head. You mom can love you back, you just need to show her that you do love her. You were telling us that she feels indifferent to your stories, but have you ever seen anyone listening to her stories? Shes emotionally drained right now, she needs all the help she can get. in the future you might come to the big decision, if she becomes disabled, would you take care of her like she took care of you when you were disabled because you were a baby? Ps: what I'm talking about is the true meaning of the word love. Its not I love you because of ..... Thats attraction, taking and giving transaction. Its not love. Modern people just lost the meaning of the word.
My relationship with my parents is pretty similar to yours though no way to the degree of talking about crushes even if when I was a kid(maybe cause I'm a guy). Just checking up on her and hoping her well might be the best and most likely option. There's no other advice I can give you that you wouldn't have already heard or could have thought of. Relationships can be tough especially family relationships which can be more or less meaningful just cause it's something you didn't choose.
You don't have to force it, process everything first. Calm down, and breathe. If you really want to, try saying hi, try saying thanks, try to see her habits, start off small, you'll be fine Everything gets better eventually
I believe any relationship is based on communication be it speech or any other and it's a 2 way thing. One person doing the talking all the time will only make it strained and awkward. Nothing new there. Since you still feel for your mom and need her as emotional/mental support/sustenance, I think it's still not to late I to make things right between you two. As long as there are feelings between. Talk to her and let her know about it. Tell her she needs to talk more and open up. Small talk is fine for start. As the frequency increases things will fall in place.
Sounds to me like you're fine since you felt stress at the though of her dying. Nothing wrong with not being able to say certain words, and I didn't see you mention anything that would make you a fake. Even if you were to change the way you're speaking, it's not like it's a lie or anything, it's just that you'd be making a sudden change in speach patterns to match what you want to express.
You probably should say these things to your mom instead of some internet strangers. Ik it's not gonna be easy. You'll most likely gonna be uncomfortable, uneasy etc. But talk to your mom to take baby steps with you. I've also didn't have a great initial relationship with my mom. I've grown up without seeing her even once. & yet when she came to my life it seemed like they were expecting me to instantly feel comfortable around her or become close to her. Which overwhelmed me & frightened me. Afterall even if they said she's my mom, she's still a stranger in my eyes. So I talked to her to take it slow, because I'm feeling uneasy, scared with how fast they're moving. Thankfully my mom understood me. We're not the mother & son who says i love you to each other everyday. It was insanely awkward at first. But we slowly but steadily reached to the point where I can openly share my feelings to her (my happiness, my anger, my sadness etc) & it's the same for her. I also started to relaxed around her. We hang out every now & then. Things are getting better. She's no longer a stranger in my eyes. But now, she's my mom I know I can lean on in my bad times, & a mom I can share my happy moments with. So just keep on trying to communicate with your mom. You'll eventually find a comfort zone for both of you, that you could use as a starting point
1st of all make her have intensive checkup cuz there are cases where a person acts fine but they are actually wounded internally. Just to safe.
I had a similar relationship with my dad but unlike your mother my father didn't survive the accident.
Wow, too many great advises that I don't know I can make one. Anyway, I will not talk about your current situation but on how to shorten your distance to your mom (even just a little): At least greet her when you meet. If an awkward silence is in the atmosphere, try breaking it by asking questions (how's work or the like / things she might or might not know). There are many advise that I can't put on to words but most importantly: Gather up your courage and take a step forward. That way you can do what we have advised. It's okay to start awkward, until it became a habit you won't become embarrassed by it.
Hey, that hurts, ya know. We can dream for such an experience but saying we don't deserve it is just plain cruel. So many people suffer far worse than your situation and do they deserve it? No. No human being deserves to suffer or die like an animal. Insult all the bastards you want, but don't bring righteousness into it. If there cause, so shall there be effect, such is karma. Also keep calm and adapt to the situation. Everyone dies sooner or later, and it will hurt... scar, and probably kill you, but don't let that stop you from living your life with determination to keep on living sane. Be honest with yourself and do what your "guts" tell you to do. Communication and honesty is the key to a healthy relationship with anyone. No need to force yourself to act like someone else, just search for an answer, and start from there. Your mother is still alive, so you have all the time you can to adjust your relationship with her but whether said adjustment may be a good or bad for the both of you in the future. It's up to you!