I know this discord server which is made n run by people who are pan/bi/homo/lez Many of them are in their 30s. If anyone is confused about their sexuality n doesn’t have anyone irl to talk to, I suggest checking this server out. They give sound advice n talk about their experiences. Also just cuz someone is biologically a girl doesn’t mean ‘she’ is not gay if she likes men but also prefers being a ‘man’. I got this explained to me lol... Overall, BL and most danmei is mostly fanfic n not reality.
Ohhh this is very enlightening to read. Thank you thank you! I'm a fujoshi though but this at least broadens my view on stuff like this.
Thats common sense. Anyone who believes that what is written in novels are true are plain stupid. Also even thou I like bl stories, smut are purely disgusting for me. Even those minor white lotus mc are cringy af and that goes with others too such aa hetero and yuri.
hah imma girl lol and I think those relationships are unbelievable. have no trust in humanity I like reading bl and smut tho *cough* by the way, they teach in sex ed class that even condoms only have a 99% chance of preventing STDs and stick to 1 partner etc etc if a girl can get std, guys probably have equal chances but again, I'm a child. what do I really know?
Firstly, why the hell is tldr three para long? Secondly, please bold it to indicate it is a title, not part of the paragraphs
Orz, sorry for having a fetish...they should make more novels with asexual characters! Bromance! Girlmance! Heteromance! Banzai? Banzai! Down with sex! Go emotional support and romantic gestures and feelings! ! Lol you can ignore me. No one should ever take advice from a fictional story, always do your own research and be careful. You only live once, try not to screw it up
Halt! What is a young one like you, doing here in this mass of degenerates? Oh wait... if you're here, then that means you're new blood? My bad for doubting your depravity.
Nope! A guy doing it with a girl has extremely reduced chances of getting STDs actually, it's a bit unfair. Also, condoms are said to only be 99% effective because it can always break or be worn the wrong way. Otherwise it's supposed to be effective all the time, there isn't one person out of a hundred that stills ends up pregnant and with a STD.
As a non-hetero male and past med student, I endorse this. *PLEASE IGNORE IF NOT RELEVANT TO YOU* Yaoi/BL fiction should NOT be the place where non-het guys look for sex ed or even relationship development (obviously). Most of this genre is written by and for female writers/audience. This is also obvious, but what works for them won't necessarily work for us. Please don't get me wrong. I'm not bashing the genre (because I still read a good portion of it) or fujoshis or anything like that - I think it's a great community. This is really just tag-along advice for non-het guys exploring their sexuality (in a Western culture). @Arie Sun has covered most of the physical stuff, but as a Sociology double major in college, I think it's ALSO important for young males to recognize how relationships are portrayed in BL/Yaoi and how it differs from reality emotionally, psychologically, and on a group dynamic level. 1. In a relationship, 2 dudes may or may not be separated into a clear top/bottom, seme/uke, etc. category. More often, you find guys willing to try either position depending on who or what the situation is or are versatile. Be OPEN-MINDED. 2. Don't try and assume you know how your bf will understand or react to implied meanings or actions or v.v.. They can't read your mind. People don't follow stereotypes and neither do you, so CLEARLY communicate how you feel AND your expectations for your relationship, i.e. 'Is this a casual thing or something more?' 3. Underrated point but probably MOST important: as a non-het guy growing up, you've had to perform all the time as an actor. Your social script means both yourself and others identify you as male/masculine in society. You act all the time, out of need growing up, and you've gotten to the point where some of your actions/words are subconscious now. RECOGNIZE this. How do you truly feel about something? Do you really like XYZ or is it something expected of you as a guy? Be aware that you have a front stage where you display parts of your identity to others (maybe you pretend to follow sports bc every dude in your college dorm does too) and a back stage, still a part of your identity but you keep hidden from others (maybe you like reading Yaoi). Now take this a step further and REALIZE that almost every single non-het guy has also had to be a social actor to grow up in society without debilitating bullying and understand how this makes point #2 even more important, for the both of you. Sorry for the uber long post and most of it seems like common sense, but I needed to get this out. PM if you have questions or want to chat. TL;DR: Relationships in reality are different from Yaoi/BL, clear-communication, and society is tough. *Kudos to American sociologist Goffman for the life is a stage/dramaturgical metaphor.
I think the creator of this thread was more concerned about the danger of HIV and STD and that is really a matter of concern. But there is a common tendency of associating homosexuality with HIV which is quite baseless. Unsafe sex can always lead to HIV and STD even if it's among heterosexual partners. Actually read your uber long post and appreciate it. Don't you think that bending the gender is essentially associated to the desire to conform to the role one is playing in a relationship(non-het)? Can't you explain the concept of playing a seme or uke in a non-het relationship in clearer terms?
I think the same logic could could be applied to porn video and fiction in general. There's just too many anal porn video out there that make one think "What's condom? Is it edible?". I find the logic & feeling in most yuri to be silly. It's funny how both gender have no idea how opposite gender think when both are human.
Please let me know if I'm misunderstanding you. I think I understand what you're getting at, but please correct me if I'm wrong. 1. I think that with most gender-bender genre novels, at least the ones I've read, play that trope up mainly for purposes of humor or comedy, which again isn't real life. For laughter's sake, authors tend to exaggerate the differences in gender role identity and play off stereotypes when in reality, it is different. Feminity and masculinity are expressed all across the spectrum. 2. I believe you're asking about how a real relationship would work if gay couples don't actually stick to the Yaoi stereotype of a seme/top being the aggressor and pursurer and an uke/bottom being the submissive and "innocent" one, and also I'm assuming you're actually serious, am I correct? Well obviously, these are just sexual position terms. Here's a personal example which might help: I've been in non-het relationships where I've been both top and bottom. But just because I may be the bottom for one time, hardly means I have a submissive or "innocent" personality - I can be quite unyielding as well as intellectual (not at all ditzy or silly 'like a bottom would be') because that's just part of my identity/character. In a relationship, I don't always have to be the one to give in to the other if I'm the 'bottom'; I don't always have to be the one to push for something if I'm the 'top'. TLDR: Just because society thinks in binary, doesn't mean your relationship should. It's YOURS. You dictate it on YOUR terms. (I can understand how this post can be a bit baffling for those that haven't grown up in a Western culture. Again, I cannot speak for how it is for non-het guys in Eastern cultures as I imagine it is much more taboo to even talk about let alone begin to explore your sexuality over there. So maybe many have to live vicariously through the works of the Yaoi/BL genre, which I guess would shape their real identities quite a bit.)
this post means well ultimately. even though it is frequently repeated, people still do sex wrong so it's fine. if it stops at least one gay fudanshi who uses BL as sex bible, then that's good thanks OP it doesn't have to shit on BL or GL tho, and on 'realistic', not everyone perceives real as that one objective reality, when they say this, it just 'speaks to them more', they feel it more. Just as your het romance struck your fancy. Leave people to enjoy what they want, it's not adding to the discussion anyway fiction will always be fiction, smut books =/= sex education, read more, google more, ask more so you don't regret