Well, most of these answers are only kind of correct. Scientifically speaking, you can feel as if you are in love with someone for about 3 years without actually being in love with them (this is a form of crush that is easily mistaken for love), but if you feel in love with them for longer than that, you probably really are in love since the chemicals released that make a crush feel like love don't stick around any longer than that. (I'm no expert on this)
In what follows I am assuming things from your point of view without considering the other person's feeling towards you (because that would the topic more lenghty and complex) I won't deny that part in love but, it doesn' mean that when you think about the other person you will have an erection (because that means you are attracted to them only physically which is not love but lust beacause in such case not only you but there are certainly many more people who would feel like that thinking about the same person, unfortunately, love in such context is usually wrong and people in such case would suffer later and I mean alot which might cause serious trouble should such relationship later become more serious should there be kids or grave illness or accident, in such case that 'love' would become nothing but trouble for you and a cumbersome burden to the other person and might result in hatred if not more... so if you are looking for the so called 'love' in this way only then go ahead but you are better looking for sex friend or a hooker in this case). What iBakax3 said is correct and usually is the right way if you want to confirm your love (of course many people misunderstand their feelings thinking they found the right person, only to find out later that they were trying to compensate something that they miss either as a child like for example a feeling of warmth or protection they felt from a family memeber (deceased or not), in this case you are looking for a replacement and you might misunderstand your emotions, or as an adult, in a twist of fate they found they were in some situation with the other person that might have caused a 'disturbence'(usually emotionally) and the person in question would develop some sort of idea or an image of them and later becoming attached to them both emotionally and physically regardless of how the other person is actually). So what you need to confirm (in addition to what iBakax3 said) fistly, make sure it is not a whim just because you are in some emotional problem like sad from a break up or something that shook you greatly, next, is whether you are actually ready to be with the other person (like for a very long time seen by others and not just togther hiding that relationship from others close to you like family)? when you think of them, is there even a slight confusion between them and another person (if yes then that is not love)? when you are together aside from being comfortable or trust them, do you feel even a slight emotion of wanting to monopolize them or a jealousy when you see them with someone else(I amnot talking about how you act around them but deep inside yourself, is there such flame even weak)? also, do you think when you two are together or seperated, do you get even the slightest same emotions towards others like do you imagine yourself or actually cheat on them (if yes be careful in this case as your feelings in such case might not exactly be love or not at that phase yet)?
Well, depends really, changes from person to person. And changes even between which kind of love you feel, and to which degree. You know the person from a lot of time? Or just a few? That makes things diferrent too. But overally, I can say that for me is when I feel too much at ease with someone, and at some point I just realize that it’s not friendship anymore, but I just can’t do without the person. Can be something that starts from being more physical (like, not sexual, touching each other a lot, so just having skinship, cuddles or stuff like that) and at some point I just want more, and I don’t wanna the other person go with anyone other than me, feel jealous ecc. Or, it can start as a pure friendship, so a looot of talking, and I feel a deep emotional connection to the person. Then, again, at some point you realize you are feeling something that’s more than friendship, and you feel so good with the person that you would love to do more. I think this case is when I feel the deepest emotions, cause it’s a love born from an emotional connection, for me having that is more important than everything else. Plus, you feel a pang in your chest when said person say specific things or just use a specific tone of voice, you feel really happy without any reason, but sometimes you are agitated cause you don’t know how to feel anymore and you are confused. And mmhh.. another thing maybe: till you don’t realize it you can say whatever and joke about certain stuff, but as soon as you realize you have more awareness, so you can’t say certain stuff easily as before. Like, example: you used to call this person with funny names or something, but you realize from a certain point in time you can’t anymore cause that has a meaning for you, and it means more than a joke.
I find my reply honestly embarrassing, because it was the first time I felt attraction towards a real human. Yes, a real human, and said attraction was not lustful at all. Though at that time, I had a more skewed view on relationships and my future, so when I realized my lower half was not aching, but my heart or chest was; it was then I truly knew... I lost. I actually felt love, but such revelation made me afraid instead. Well, I did undergo puberty during that time and my beliefs challenged. Fear. I felt fear in falling deeper in love, so I convinced myself this was just puppy love, not really love in a sense I would want to marry her. Alas, it was most likely love, then I gave it to consideration that should I ask her out? Well, I never did, seeing as I'm here still viewing love as poison. A coward... and a snake I am, indeed. First year of high school, we accidentally met. The cliche, but surprisingly, she started the conversation and seemed to know me, while I didn't. Along the years before graduation, we got close, but I felt she was more of a intimate friend, though I likely already started to fall for her without realizing. Most of my time, we spent talking, chatting online, or even get together during events. It went to the point my peers teased me, that we were a couple. Though every time they teased that my chances in asking her out would be a success, I felt pain instead, because I knew such a development is a fantasy. Time skip, we graduated, and I never did try to officially ask her out. Even though she likely (my paranoia at work) confirmed that our feelings were mutual. How did I know? I made her cry unintentionally, because of some misunderstanding that she would never see me again. Fuck it, when I saw her cry, that hurt more than being punched or kicked. It was also then, I realized I ain't the one for her. I'm just a memory, because I convinced myself surely someone else, more human and worthy for her, will keep her happy and her future secured. My selfish was choice... for delaying her... not reciprocating her love all within those years... yes, it was a necessary evil. Yes, it was righteous, because here I am... wasting my life through the Internet. Waiting to rot or die by suicide? Anyways, even now, remembering her gives me vague feelings, but yeah, it does prick like a needle when I look back in the past, but not due to romance only. Ah, sorry for the rant.
A person can love anyone. Isn't that great? But doesn't that devalue it? If I could love anyone and anyone could love me, why would I choose that person specifically or why would that person choose me? Can anyone really say they'll never find love? I mean, there are sooo many people in the world. As long as you're not an asshole or mentally insane you can be loved and love another. It just makes love feel really hollow to me. Sure, you could have a bad breakup with someone, but fire years later you could be with someone new that makes you forget about whoever it was earlier. The great thing about love is its universality. But that kind of makes it hard to see anyone as special. If everyone's special then no one is. And sure people can be different, but that doesn't really mean anything. I know I'm supposed to get that special feeling when I like someone or when someone likes me. But I just feel like I've seen it before. And blah, blah, blah. My point is that I don't get what the big deal is. It... it, uuuh, just feels too easy, as if it should be more difficult or complicated. And without challenge it feels meaningless.
Exactly, in this moment I think I love you. Just beware, I can't guarantee those feelings in the next moment. (read my comments to Vincey in this thread for further information lols) I hope you get as many backup dancers as you deserve in life.
Hmm. What a range of replies. Interesting how we all view love differently. I see some think it is just emotional others just physical. Some here seem to think love and lust are interchangeable. TBH I am not totally sure anyone can explain what love, true love is, or even if it is a real thing. If it could easily be explained then we could just google it and get a definitive, concise answer. I ask questions because from reading some replies here I think I can; Is love so transient that you can love a person and then go on a bit in life and meet someone else and then love them? What happens to the first love? Can you love more one person and if so how do you make it work? Or is love just emotion, and if we love someone for a long time, does it turn into dependency, Do we feel we then need or want to seek another 'love' to fill gaps? Can there be love in a harem or reverse harem situation? Do we look subconsciously or intentionally for a newer love or are we just confusion emotions for love? I don't know any of these answers. I doubt anyone can fully either. I just think it is easy to confuse lust and love. But also hard to understand or explain either completely. We are a fickle, emotional species. Humans are so diverse and confusing. We could all be right or all wrong. But after writing all this, I am probably wrong.
Love is a complex thing. That's definitely not enough. But this alone is something that most people in love agree they experienced
you know there idiom..... nah never mind put it simple I don't know until some cat point out you are in love~ it quite funny cuz I can point out other while sometime when it come to myself I'm quite dense
When you think of someone more than yourself and anything else. When your life has suddenly changed, as if you have found a new focus, every minute of the hour you get hit with their thought. Most importantly, love is when you want the best of them to the ruin of you. It is far away from lust but somehow their each and every gesture is tempting. You note minute details about them, their smile, how they lower their eyes when embarrassed or the slightest turn of their feet. Love is when you are never alone, for there is a thought to accompany you.
Funny, what you said is exactly what dr Fisher said in that link: “Love can start off with any of these three feelings. Some people have sex first and then fall in love. Some fall head over heels in love, then climb into bed. Some feel deeply attached to someone they have known for months or years; then circumstances change, they fall madly in love and have sex.” Good thing to take away is that we shouldn't get too wrapped in a singular narrative about love (so forget most romcom and Disney cartoons) and feel we're a failure since we don't fit the cookie cutter mold. All roads lead to Rome, with lots of confusing signposts along the way Also in my opinion love is not a contract either, you are not the same person 5 or 10 years later. A person's needs, wants and capabilities change over time, so renegotiatings are always in order. You should be both a good student and teacher to each other to quote Alain we Botton.
I think worrying about that question is kind of going against the concept of emotion, or in that case love itself.
Agreed, lets add that to the list. Interesting, for a long time I couldn't make relationships last longer than three years.... To think this might be why, huh. Fascinating. I thought you had more to say, thank you for sharing. How do you think polyamorous relationships fit in with your above questions that I reposted/replied to here?
Everything you describe I very much understand. It's beautiful how you describe it, the subtlety before the discovery is the best part of falling in love. Thank you for sharing. I feel that you when you talk of love you mean that once in a lifetime love that is only available to those of us fortunate enough to find that.... Especially if you do when you are young. (I have friends who were 'together' since they were in nappies basically.....accept for a brief time in high school when they dated other people...that kind of love is rare these days.) In our lives, we fall in love often but in varying degrees that change as time moves on and as we change. Love is not unique, as you say it's universal, but being able to synchronize your life enough to walk together with someone else, even for a short time, is special and as an important a love as the timeless classic that everyone thinks is at the end of the rainbow. Those precious moments can lift you out of despair. In that way love is magical, but to keep it going requires hard work and personal growth, that is the side of love that most people find difficult to achieve. Love is universal, but it's hard to give and keep.
Them be hard questions you are asking. *HUGS* You and I seem to be on the same road. Then I hope you find love soon so you can tell us what you think. XXOO Exactly how I think. hehe, But it's taken me time to get to that place. I grew up in a strictly monogomous Christian community/family and it just didn't feel right. Not just the concept of romantic love....but just love. I found that living and keeping these thoughts in my mind through out my life has given me a richer understanding of love....now if it was only easy to do I could make money and start a religion.
to me this conversation is more philosophy than worry....I get to learn a thing or two from all of you brave enough to answer sincerely and I hope we all feel that we shared some of our hard earned truths about love here.
In the words of a big hair Guru Because without communication or the right partner.is just love enough
Caught your interest ? A better question in this case is, why are you looking for answers about love in here? are you looking for ideas for a novel or something if so, I would gladly tell you more (ps: Just joking, both last time and this time, while I have been in a few relationships myself but if I must say, that was just because I was a bit close with the girls each time and well, my relationships started from there but never lasted more than a year each time, the reason probably because I don't believe in the so called love, I mean I like reading novels and watching movies, those drama and romance based would each depict love in a different and unique way, but let's make things simple shall we, let's see, you are in love when you feel your heart throbing to someone else and a warm feeling inside, or at least that's what disney movies would say